Spence Counseling Alliance, PLLC

Spence Counseling Alliance, PLLC Contact information, map and directions, contact form, opening hours, services, ratings, photos, videos and announcements from Spence Counseling Alliance, PLLC, Mental Health Service, 640 NW Gilmand Boulevard, #101, Issaquah, WA.

Therapist for Gen X Women, Men, Teens
Done carrying the mental load & being the default person
Helping you drop guilt, resentment, and over-functioning

IG & TikTok:
⬇️ Free audio + resources
linktr.ee/loisspence

06/18/2026

You didn't lose your voice. You just started doing the math.

You learned that being honest carried a heavy cost, so you started changing your sentences mid-air. You gave the easy answer instead of the true one. Every "never mind" you've ever said was actually a full conversation that you decided just wasn't worth the exhaustion of having.

Something happens to a woman's voice when she lives like this for decades. It gets smaller. Not because you are weak, but because you are profoundly tired of what happens when you tell the truth.

When your throat tightens right before you say something real, that isn't a sign to stop. That is your body recognizing that this specific truth has been waiting a very long time to get out. Let it.
Your voice isn't broken. It is just full of everything you rewrote before it left your mouth.

Where does your body hold the unspoken words? Your throat, your jaw, your shoulders? Let me know below.

🎧 Free audio: The Agreement I Didn’t Know I Signed

06/17/2026

The line between being a "good guy" and being someone who actually sees you is everything.

A woman in my comment section named this dynamic perfectly this week, and it is exactly why I read your comments. When you share what you are going through, you don't just share a story, you give other women the vocabulary they didn't know they were missing.

When we lack the words for the invisible load we carry, we stay stuck. We convince ourselves we are simply asking for too much. But the moment someone names it out loud, the guilt lifts. You realize you aren't asking for too much; you are just asking for something that finally has a name.

Thank you to everyone in the comments doing the work of naming the invisible.

🎧 Free audio: The Agreement I Didn’t Know I Signed

06/16/2026

If he's the kind of man who wants to get it right, this is probably why he can't see it yet.

He notices she's quiet at dinner. Asks if she's okay. She says she's fine. He believes her. He genuinely believes her.

And she goes to bed alone in a full house.

He's not cruel. He's not checked out. He asked. He just didn't know to stay in the question.

This is not a character flaw. This is a language gap.

Nobody taught him to track the emotional weight of a room. Nobody taught him that "I'm fine" from a woman who has been saying it for twenty years is not actually fine. He was taught to provide, protect, fix. And when he does all three and she is still unhappy, he has no framework for why.

So he lands in one of two places. Either she is asking for something unreasonable. Or he is failing at something he doesn't know how to name.

Both conclusions are lonely. Neither is right.

What he is missing is a language he was never given. That is not the same as being unwilling to learn it.

And a man who wants to get it right, who genuinely wants to get it right, that is not nothing. That is actually everything. That is the whole opening.

🎧 Free audio in bio. The Agreement I Didn't Know I Signed

06/15/2026

Rule #13. He's a good guy.

You told him you were exhausted. He said yeah, me too and picked up his phone.

You mentioned the thing with his mother three times. Still hasn't called her. You're the one who remembers
her birthday.

You got sick and you still made the grocery list, texted the kids' teachers, figured out dinner. Because if you
didn't, nobody would.

And when you finally sat him down and told him you were drowning, he didn't get defensive. He said he
was sorry. He meant it.

And that's the part nobody prepares you for.

If he were a bad guy you'd know what to do. You'd have a case. You'd have a name for it.

But this is loving someone good who made you invisible without even trying. Who never once asked if you
needed help, not because he didn't care, but because it never occurred to him that you might.

You are allowed to name that. Even when he's a good guy.

Good guys still leave the dishes.

Being a good guy was never the question.

Being seen was.

Retired.

🎧 Free audio in bio. The Agreement I Didn't Know I Signed

Have you heard this one?


06/14/2026

Starting over can feel terrifying, especially when you spent years trying to make something work.

But beginning again does not mean you failed.

Sometimes it means you finally listened to the part of you that knew there was more peace, more truth, and more life waiting on the other side.

You’re allowed to begin again.

06/14/2026

Gottman spent decades studying couples and found he could predict with 90 percent accuracy whether a marriage would survive.

The most destructive predictor is contempt. The eye roll. The tone that says: I've already decided you're not worth this conversation.

Here is what most people don't know. Contempt almost never starts as contempt.

It starts like this.

She says she can't do everything. He says what do you want me to do about it. She felt unseen. He felt accused.

So the next night he tries, does the dishes without being asked. She comes in and re-rinses them. Says "I'll just finish it."

He didn't say anything. But something closed.

Because he heard: you can't get it right. You are not enough.

Neither of them meant that. Both of them felt it.

That is just two people trying and missing, until the missing starts to feel like the truth about each other.

Add ten years of that, and the distance starts to curdle.

But here is what Gottman also found: couples who learn to repair, who can find their way back after a hard moment, have completely different outcomes. It is not about never fighting. It is about whether you can come back.

The question is not whether the marriage is damaged. The question is whether both of you are willing to learn the repair.

🎧 Free audio in bio. The Agreement I Didn't Know I Signed

Where are you in this?

Full article: www.gottman.com/blog/what-causes-contempt-in-relationships/

You said: I'm exhausted. He heard: she's tired.You said: I need more help. He heard: he's failing.You said: I'm lonely. ...
06/12/2026

You said: I'm exhausted. He heard: she's tired.
You said: I need more help. He heard: he's failing.
You said: I'm lonely. He heard: she's ungrateful.

So you felt unseen. And he felt confused. Maybe attacked.

Nobody was lying about what they heard. They were just working from completely different translations.

This is not a story about a bad marriage. This is a story about two people who were never given the same dictionary.

That is not irreparable. But both people have to understand what actually happened first.

If this is your story, the free audio in my bio is a good place to start.

🔗 Link in bio: The Agreement I Didn't Know I Signed

06/12/2026

Your shoulders have been doing a job nobody gave them officially.

Most of you know this feeling. Someone says something and before you answer, your body answers first.

The tightening. The rise. The brace.

That is not anxiety. That is not a posture problem.

That is your nervous system completing the sentence you did not say out loud.

Thirty years of words your body absorbed because your mouth was not allowed to release them.

Starting a series: What Your Body Has Been Trying to Tell You.

Part 1 is the shoulders. Because before you can put something down, you have to know where you have been holding it.

🎧 Free audio in bio. The Agreement I Didn't Know I Signed

Where do you hold it? Jaw, shoulders, or stomach?

06/10/2026

Rule 12. The apology tax.

Sorry to bother you but. I know you are busy but. Never mind, it is fine.

You pay the apology tax before you even ask. You pre-apologize for your own existence in the room. Your needs do not come with an entry fee.

What do you apologize for before anyone even responds?

🎧 Free audio in bio: The Agreement I Didn’t Know I Signed

06/10/2026

"He's not a bad guy. Just not a good husband for me. And he deserves a wife he likes." A woman left that
in my comment section this week.

She was not alone. Women who left after 50 were not impulsive.

They were not bitter.
They were not confused.
They were strategic.
They were protecting people.
They were waiting until it was safe.

This is why the 70% statistic doesn't tell the whole story.

If this is your story, the free audio in my bio was made for you.

🔗 Link in bio: The Agreement I Didn't Know I Signed

Address

640 NW Gilmand Boulevard, #101
Issaquah, WA
98027

Opening Hours

Monday 1pm - 6pm
Tuesday 9am - 6pm
Wednesday 1pm - 6pm
Thursday 9am - 6pm
Friday 9am - 12pm

Website

Alerts

Be the first to know and let us send you an email when Spence Counseling Alliance, PLLC posts news and promotions. Your email address will not be used for any other purpose, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Contact The Practice

Send a message to Spence Counseling Alliance, PLLC:

Shortcuts

Share

Category