Dr. Lisa Smalheiser, Licensed Clinical Psychologist

05/04/2026

Gottman researchers identified four communication patterns that, when they show up consistently, predict the breakdown of a relationship with striking accuracy.

They called them the Four Horsemen.

Here’s the thing: almost every couple uses them at some point. The research shows that what separates couples who thrive from couples who don’t is not whether these patterns appear. It’s whether both people learn to recognize them and reach for the antidote.

Criticism: attacking who your partner is, rather than what they did. The antidote is a gentle start-up. Describe the behavior, share your feeling, express your need.

Contempt: eye rolls, mockery, sarcasm, disgust. This is the single strongest predictor of divorce in Gottman’s research because it signals that you’ve lost respect for your partner. The antidote is building a culture of genuine appreciation, before resentment has the chance to set in.

Defensiveness: counter-attacking or playing the victim when you feel criticized. It sends the message that your partner’s concern doesn’t matter. The antidote is taking responsibility, even just a small piece of it.

Stonewalling: shutting down, going silent, withdrawing. This usually happens when someone is flooded, meaning their heart rate is over 100 bpm and their nervous system can no longer process what’s happening. The antidote is a real break of at least 20 minutes, long enough for the body to actually reset.

Save this one. It tends to resurface exactly when you need it.

Jupiter and Stuart, FL | Telehealth statewide
drsmalheiser.com

05/01/2026

Your anxiety isn’t the enemy. It’s a messenger.

The problem isn’t that it fires. The problem is that it sometimes fires on things that aren’t actually dangerous anymore. Here are 5 things your anxiety is trying to tell you, along with some tips to help manage it when it arises.

Swipe through. Tip number 2 has been a game changer for me.

Which one resonated? Drop it in the comments.

04/28/2026

Stress and anxiety feel similar. They share the same physiological fingerprint, they can co-occur, but they are not the same thing.

Stress is a response to something external. There is a real pressure, a deadline, a conflict, a demand, and your nervous system responds to it. The sympathetic nervous system activates, the HPA axis releases cortisol and adrenaline, your heart rate increases, your senses sharpen. When the stressor is removed, the system returns to baseline. This is the stress response working exactly as designed. It is adaptive, not pathological.

Anxiety is a response to a perceived threat that may or may not be real. The physiological response is nearly identical. Both activate the sympathetic nervous system and the HPA axis, triggering the same cortisol and adrenaline cascade. The distinction is what’s driving the alarm. With anxiety, research shows the amygdala becomes hyperreactive, firing in the absence of genuine threat, while prefrontal cortex regulation, which normally damps down the response, becomes impaired. The alarm goes off, the body responds, and the threat isn’t there.

Stress reduces when circumstances change. Anxiety requires something different: nervous system regulation, cognitive restructuring, exposure-based approaches, or clinical support depending on severity.

Knowing which one you’re dealing with is the first step toward addressing it effectively.

Jupiter and Stuart, FL | Telehealth statewide
drsmalheiser.com

04/24/2026

New here? Let me introduce myself.

I’m Dr. Lisa Smalheiser, a licensed psychologist in private practice in Jupiter and Stuart, FL. I also work with clients statewide via telehealth.

Before I was a psychologist, I was a CrossFit coach. I’ve always believed that our minds and our bodies are intricately connected. Strengthening one can help strengthen the other. And that belief has shaped everything I do.

This page is going to be a mix of things I genuinely care about:

The science of how your body shapes your mental health (and vice versa). The research on what actually works in relationships. The real evidence-based stuff that gets buried under wellness trends.

Whether you found me because you’re curious about therapy, struggling in your relationship, or just trying to understand yourself better, you’re in the right place.

Glad you’re here. Swipe to see what we’ll be covering.

Jupiter and Stuart, FL | Telehealth statewide
drsmalheiser.com

11/29/2023

New Website now up and running!

Welcome to Dr. Lisa Smalheiser's official website - your bridge to holistic psychotherapy. Explore transformative services, resources, and insights here.

09/22/2021

09/08/2021

09/06/2021

Great things to remember. Any of these resonate with you? Thanks for posting .advocates

10/10/2020

Just a little Saturday humor. For anyone who struggles with anxiety or depression, you'll probably relate to this.

09/12/2020

It’s time to drop the excuses and start showing up as who you want to be. Instead of saying “I don’t have time” try saying “it’s not a priority” and watch how things start to shift.👏🏻⁣⁣⁣
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Where do you want to be in five years? In the same place, tied to the same excuses? Or do you want to be 5 years into your fitness journey, your business, your education? 🤔⁣⁣⁣
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Whatever your goals and dreams are, shift your priorities. It’s up to YOU. Once you get past the excuses and establish good self discipline, the game is forever changed 🙌🏻

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09/12/2020

When we experience physical symptoms from anxiety, we naturally think we are in real trouble. ⁣
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But here’s the thing.⁣
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Your brain thinks you are in danger and is simply trying to protect you against what it believes is a real threat.⁣
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You can just 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 anxious and that can be enough to get your brain fired up.⁣
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In a situation where you really are in danger, these symptoms may actually save your life as they help you to become faster or stronger.⁣
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You aren’t going to be focused on your symptoms; you are going to be focused on staying alive. ⁣
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You’re going to let your body do it’s thing. ⁣
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But when the stress response is activated and you are standing still or maybe waiting in line, you are going to be hyper-aware of every single sensation. ⁣
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These symptoms are designed to make us move, to act!⁣
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This makes sense now when I think of all those times I sprinted my way out of Costco when panic took over. ⁣
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You’re reacting on instinct. ⁣
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But now it’s up to you to take control and make your brain aware that you are safe, otherwise the cycle will continue. ⁣
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Nothing will happen to you if you don’t act, but you may feel horribly uncomfortable and like you are about to die, which obviously is terrifying. ⁣
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I found that simply becoming aware of how my body works, why symptoms happen and knowing that they weren’t going to hurt me was the first step in learning to manage my constant panic. ⁣
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I started forcing myself to stay where I was, I would walk around, shake out my limbs, and just breathe. ⁣
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I knew now that I wasn’t going to die, but I was going to feel awful for a few minutes. ⁣
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I knew though, that it would subside, and this would happen a lot faster if I didn’t resist. ⁣
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Try this next time panic washes over you. ⁣
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Let it happen.⁣
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This takes time, so give yourself that time.⁣
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Sending so much strength to you!♥️⁣
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