05/10/2026
Matrescence: the profound life altering, identity shifting transition into motherhood.
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It’s no small thing. During my early days of motherhood, I (and a whole community) lost our dear friend, Sam. She was also a new mother when she was killed in a car accident. So, my transition to motherhood was mixed up with a grief I hadn’t experienced before—the kind that moves into your body and shows up daily, in varying forms, from drowning you to whispering in the wind.
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I spent this quiet morning, before my family woke up, looking for the FB post from Sam’s cross country visit to see me and my new baby in Portland, OR. I went backwards from the dwindling shout outs to Sam on her timeline, to the numerous posts in the early years after her death, to stunned posts closely following the accident, to the obituary itself. And then I got to Sam’s posts about being a mama. The cry for help with teething, getting ready for Penny’s first birthday, a four generation photo, spending time with our former students, posts from the hospital after having Penny, pictures from her baby shower…
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As our daughters become young women, I find myself yearning for Sam’s humor and matter-of-factness. This journey would have been so much more fun with her to joke and cry with.
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On this Mother’s Day, I honor Sam and the mothers whose mothering got cut criminally short, the mothers that have suffered in silence from pregnancy loss, the mothers that struggle with fertility, the mothers that didn’t/don’t have their mother when becoming a mother, mothers separated from their children, and all the ways this joy can be spiced with grief.
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The first poem is a FB find that showed up in a scroll. The two pictures are from Sam’s FB, as is the poem posted by my dear friend/Forever Neighbor/Maine poet laureate, Julia, amongst the numerous posts surrounding Sam’s death.
