Living Hope Counseling Center

07/08/2026

This is so rich and so true!

01/28/2026

We will conclude our January series on forgiveness by considering what forgiveness requires. Remember that forgiveness is a vertical commitment followed by a horizontal transaction, which means forgiveness is an investment in your relationship with God and with one another.

As with all investments, there is a cost involved. Let’s consider six things that forgiveness requires:

1. Humility

When we stand in the center of our own universe with nothing more important to us than ourselves, we find nothing more offensive than a sin against us. And when pride allows us to think of ourselves as righteous—more righteous than the people we interact with who will sin against us in some way—then it is hard for us to forgive.

“Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’” (1 Peter 5:5)

2. Compassion

Compassion is being moved by the plight of another, coupled with action to help. Husbands and wives, does compassion grip you when your spouse sins against you? Parents, are you touched by your kid’s struggle with sin? Children, do you feel for your parents when they fail once again? Pastor, are you sad for the people you shepherd in those moments when they are easily entrapped by sin? Christian, do you stand alongside your fellow brother or sister when they struggle, even if the result of that struggle is sin against you?

“When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.” (Matthew 9:36)

3. Trust

Forgiveness is not so much an act of faith in the other person to confess and repent as it is an act of faith in God. Forgiveness believes that God is with you, that his Word is true, that there is a blessing and a reward for obedience and righteousness, and that he will give you what you need to be who he has called you to be and to do what he has called you to do.

“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19)

4. Self-Control

To forgive, you have to say no to bitterness, say no to the desire to lash out with angry words and actions of vengeance, and say no to the impulse to share your anger with a relative or friend. Giving way to these things is never a prelude to forgiveness.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.” (Galatians 5:22–24)

5. Sacrifice

So often, we neglect to enter into the long process of forgiveness because we love ourselves more than the other person and do not want to be hassled or hurt again. We choose self-protection over what pleases God and what is best for the other person and the relationship. Forgiveness requires that we be willing to let go of our desire for safety and comfort and for the surface peace of silence, and, as an act of faith, that we endure what we do not want to face in order to help the other person and to reconcile our relationship.

“For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.” (2 Corinthians 5:14–15)

6. Remembering

Above all, this is the one thing that stimulates forgiveness in our relationships with others.

Do you remember that there is not a day in your life that you do not need to be forgiven? Do you remember that you will never graduate from your need for grace? Do you remember that you have been forgiven with a love you could never earn, achieve, or deserve?

“Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to your steadfast love remember me, for the sake of your goodness, O LORD!” (Psalm 25:7)

When we are filled with the grief of our own sin and with gratitude for the amazing forgiveness we have been given, then we will find joy in giving to others what we have received.

When you remember the grace that you have been given, you’ll have a heart that is ready to forgive!

A Prayer for Today: God, give me a heart and willingness to forgive. Sometimes, I think it’s impossible to forgive because of the ways I have been hurt or sinned against, but I want to be so enamored with the grace you have given me that my joy overflows into a spirit of forgiveness toward others. Help me to grieve my own sin. Help me to live with gratitude for the grace you have lavished on me. Help me to be in awe of the forgiveness you so readily give. And Lord, help me to, by the power of your Spirit, to give forgiveness to others the way you have given to me. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.
We will conclude our January series on forgiveness by considering what forgiveness requires. Remember that forgiveness is a vertical commitment followed by a horizontal transaction, which means forgiveness is an investment in your relationship with God and with one another.

As with all investments, there is a cost involved. Let’s consider six things that forgiveness requires:

1. Humility

When we stand in the center of our own universe with nothing more important to us than ourselves, we find nothing more offensive than a sin against us. And when pride allows us to think of ourselves as righteous—more righteous than the people we interact with who will sin against us in some way—then it is hard for us to forgive.

“Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’” (1 Peter 5:5)

2. Compassion

Compassion is being moved by the plight of another, coupled with action to help. Husbands and wives, does compassion grip you when your spouse sins against you? Parents, are you touched by your kid’s struggle with sin? Children, do you feel for your parents when they fail once again? Pastor, are you sad for the people you shepherd in those moments when they are easily entrapped by sin? Christian, do you stand alongside your fellow brother or sister when they struggle, even if the result of that struggle is sin against you?

“When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.” (Matthew 9:36)

3. Trust

Forgiveness is not so much an act of faith in the other person to confess and repent as it is an act of faith in God. Forgiveness believes that God is with you, that his Word is true, that there is a blessing and a reward for obedience and righteousness, and that he will give you what you need to be who he has called you to be and to do what he has called you to do.

“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19)

4. Self-Control

To forgive, you have to say no to bitterness, say no to the desire to lash out with angry words and actions of vengeance, and say no to the impulse to share your anger with a relative or friend. Giving way to these things is never a prelude to forgiveness.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.” (Galatians 5:22–24)

5. Sacrifice

So often, we neglect to enter into the long process of forgiveness because we love ourselves more than the other person and do not want to be hassled or hurt again. We choose self-protection over what pleases God and what is best for the other person and the relationship. Forgiveness requires that we be willing to let go of our desire for safety and comfort and for the surface peace of silence, and, as an act of faith, that we endure what we do not want to face in order to help the other person and to reconcile our relationship.

“For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.” (2 Corinthians 5:14–15)

6. Remembering

Above all, this is the one thing that stimulates forgiveness in our relationships with others.

Do you remember that there is not a day in your life that you do not need to be forgiven? Do you remember that you will never graduate from your need for grace? Do you remember that you have been forgiven with a love you could never earn, achieve, or deserve?

“Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to your steadfast love remember me, for the sake of your goodness, O LORD!” (Psalm 25:7)

When we are filled with the grief of our own sin and with gratitude for the amazing forgiveness we have been given, then we will find joy in giving to others what we have received.

When you remember the grace that you have been given, you’ll have a heart that is ready to forgive!

A Prayer for Today: God, give me a heart and willingness to forgive. Sometimes, I think it’s impossible to forgive because of the ways I have been hurt or sinned against, but I want to be so enamored with the grace you have given me that my joy overflows into a spirit of forgiveness toward others. Help me to grieve my own sin. Help me to live with gratitude for the grace you have lavished on me. Help me to be in awe of the forgiveness you so readily give. And Lord, help me to, by the power of your Spirit, to give forgiveness to others the way you have given to me. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.

01/18/2026

01/07/2026

These aspects of forgiveness are vital to relationships in the life of a believer. Since we have been forgiven of the unimaginable, so we must forgive

For the month of January, we’ll spend four weeks in Wednesday’s Word committing to canceling debts and offering forgiveness.

If you want to experience your healthiest relationships ever in this New Year—whether it's your marriage, with your children, parents, extended family, or relationships in the body of Christ—healthy relationships are healthy because people in those relationships find joy in canceling debts.

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” (Ephesians 4:31–5:2).

To begin, let’s first understand what forgiveness is. Here’s a simple definition: Forgiveness is a vertical commitment that is followed by a horizontal transaction.

Both aspects of forgiveness are essential, but in the order that I have presented them.

When you have been wronged in word or action by another person, your response must first be shaped by an immediate commitment that you make before God.

Forgiveness begins by first giving the offense to your Lord.

The vertical commitment aspect of forgiveness with God clears your heart of the baggage of bitterness and condemnation so that when you eventually horizontally transact with the person who wronged you, you are in a spiritual position to do it in a way that is kind, patient, loving, humble, and encouraging.

The first part of forgiveness is judicial; that is, entrusting the offense to God, who alone is able to judge. The second part of forgiveness is relational. It is a transaction of grace between the person who has committed the offense and the person who has been offended.

I will unpack this more next week, but forgiveness does not mean that you eat the offense and act as though nothing happened. In fact, the Bible calls the one who has been sinned against to go to the person who committed the offense and present it to them.

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother” (Matthew 18:15).

But this is where the order of the two parts of forgiveness is essential. The reason you must start with giving the offense to God is so that when you come to your “brother” (or sister, or spouse, or parent, or whomever), you come with the right attitude and the right goal.

What is the right attitude? Grace.

What is the right goal? Reconciliation.

Vertical commitment, horizontal transaction. Grace and reconciliation. It sounds easy, right? Almost too easy! Well, with two sinners living in a broken world, forgiveness is rarely a singular event and almost always a process.

You may find yourself returning to old, bitter thoughts and getting angry once again, and you need to confess that to the Lord and seek his help. You may have succumbed to treating the other person judgmentally, even though you had committed not to, and you might need to confess that wrong to him or her (even in the process of offering them forgiveness!)

And, it is often the case that the one who committed the offense against you is having a hard (and slow) time seeing and owning what they have done. This may mean you have to go to them more than once, reminding them that there is a sin between you that has not been dealt with, and that, because of that, there is a breach in your relationship and a need for reconciliation.

Your purpose is not to badger them into a forced, quick confession, but to let them know that you love them so much that it pains you to have wrongs in the way of the unity and understanding that you should be experiencing.

May the Lord give us the grace to bring our horizontal hurts vertically first to him, where we will then receive the grace to extend grace to those who have wronged us!

A Prayer For Today: Lord, admittedly, I need your grace in my life to help me extend grace to others who have wronged me. Sometimes I struggle to have the right attitude when I’ve been sinned against, and I need your power to overcome my apathy, anger, frustration, and bitterness. God, you humbled yourself by becoming a man in order to be reconciled to me, so please give me the ability to humble myself that I might seek reconciliation with others. By the power of your Spirit, make me the kind of person who goes to you first in the process of forgiveness, and then seeks others out with a heart of reconciliation. Thank you for loving me enough to forgive me when I didn’t deserve it. Help me to see others the way you see them. In Jesus’ name, amen.

08/26/2025

Beautifully written by one who has experienced this.

My dear friend,

I was saddened, but not wholly surprised, to hear you are thinking about divorce.

As I understand it, over the years you and your husband have argued with increasing bitterness. He doesn’t appreciate your many sacrifices on his behalf. He’s not a great provider. Glued to his phone, he ignores the kids and their needs unless you remind him. You look at old photos and cry, unable to recapture the passion you know you must have felt. It’s hard to admit, but sometimes you feel repulsed by the man you are supposed to love. The world is in crisis, and your marriage feels like one more disaster. You want out.

I know you love Christ and want to serve him. You also know that God forbids divorce, except in certain cases like adultery, abuse, and abandonment (Matt. 5:23; 1 Cor. 7:15). But you are struggling. You don’t have biblical grounds for divorce, but your marriage is loveless and filled with fighting. It’s hard to imagine God wants you to stay.

𝐑𝐞𝐝𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐈𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧
This is the place where imagination is most needed. I want you to see and believe that marriage is bigger, much bigger, than our individual happiness. God himself conducted the first wedding ceremony, fashioning Eve and presenting her to Adam (Gen. 2:21–24). Even after sin entered the world, God’s good plan for marriage continued. Jesus still said, “What God has joined together, let not man separate” (Mark 10:9). Divorce goes against created order, rips the cosmos.

Divorce also spoils our witness to the gospel. Marriage is a living metaphor of Christ and the church (Eph. 5:22–33). Of course, fallen husbands do not, and cannot, love their wives as deeply as Christ loves the church. And until the day sin is finally vanquished, fallen wives will struggle to submit to their husbands. We model spiritual truths imperfectly. Even so, the gospel shines through our embodied picture, sometimes loudly and sometimes softly—until divorce shatters that picture.

Perhaps your imagination still fails you. Intellectually, you understand God’s great design for marriage. At the same time, it seems impossible to remain, day after day, with this husband who continually fails you. May I offer some thoughts from hard experience?

𝐈 𝐇𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐁𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞
I was divorced after three children and 10 years of marriage. Since that time, almost two decades ago, I have counseled many women weathering divorce and its aftermath. I can tell you confidently that divorce is worse than you think. If you go through with divorce, you will experience extreme emotional distress, including sadness, anger, and shame. You will feel alone. Conflict with your husband will probably accelerate, pulling friends and family into the vortex. And you will lose any semblance of control over your life.

Perhaps you are prepared for personal pain. Yet I implore you, my sister, to think about your children. For children, divorce “blows up the planet.” Your children will experience catastrophic levels of emotional distress, unmitigated by the maturity of adult understanding. In addition, decades of research have shown us that children in single-parent households are more vulnerable to poverty, abuse, and school failure.

My children endured a staggering level of psychological trauma from my divorce and the subsequent custody litigation. Countless therapy appointments did little to ease their existential wounds. Today, we hug each other and thank God, with tears, that we made it to the other side. For more than a decade, that outcome was far from certain.

I also wonder whether you have counted the financial impact of divorce (Luke 14:28–32). It seems your finances are already stretched, and a source of conflict. Divorce will stretch them further, to the breaking point and beyond.

First, it is always more expensive to maintain two households. Expect your standard of living to drop immediately. You may have to live with parents, or move into a smaller apartment with roommates.

Second, it is difficult to get a divorce without attorney involvement. And lawyers are incredibly expensive. Even if you have parents or other family members willing to help now, they will soon realize that divorce is a money pit. Think home-mortgage levels of debt, but with nothing to show for it.

You may have hopes for a loving, happy relationship post-divorce, with a different man. Although some women do remarry, the grass is rarely greener on the other side. My husband, John, and I have been married for 17 years. During premarital counseling, our pastor warned us that blended family life is hard, and that second marriages have a higher rate of divorce than first marriages. We forged ahead, believing our love would beat the odds.

Solely through the grace of God, John and I did make it to the other side. Our kids are grown now, and we are happy and thankful to be married to each other. But our pastor was also right. Blended family life was very, very hard. Again, for more than a decade, the outcome was far from certain.

𝐍𝐨𝐰 𝗪𝐡𝐚𝐭?
God hates divorce, and for good reason (Mal. 2:16). Christians must learn to hate what God hates, including divorce (Ps. 139:21-22). I urge you, in the power Christ provides, to fight tirelessly for your marriage. Trust that God has given you all the resources you need to be faithful.

Use this time to turbo-charge your private prayer and Scripture reading. Seek counsel from church elders and older, wiser believers. If your husband agrees to go with you, great. But if not, go alone. The most important battle is in your own heart, resisting the voices of envy and discontent. Beg God for strength to forgive the past, to treat your husband kindly, one day at a time, especially when he doesn’t deserve it.

Of course, your marriage may still be torn asunder, despite your best efforts. I had to face the sad fact that restoration of my first marriage was not possible. Nonetheless, we know God’s grace is sufficient in our weakness (2 Cor. 12:9). Even through the Valley of the Shadow of Death (an apt description of divorce), God promises to walk with us (Ps. 23:4). But for now, while your marriage still lives, there is hope (Eccl. 9:4).

For yourself, your family, and the gospel, I pray you will firmly and finally put all thought of divorce behind you. Take up your cross and follow Christ in all things (Matt. 16:24–25). He promises you will find abundant life.
-----
𝗧𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗜𝘁 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗠𝗲: 𝗗𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗚𝗲𝘁 𝗮 𝗗𝗶𝘃𝗼𝗿𝗰𝗲 by Laura Baxter. Laura practices law and teaches at her local university. She attends Church of the Redeemer in West Monroe, Louisiana. You can read more of her work at stirfrylaura, and her devotional book on Job is available on Amazon.

Originally published January 26, 2021.

04/13/2025