06/18/2026
When someone you love has been suffering for a long time, through dementia, addiction, mental illness, cancer, or any illness that slowly takes pieces of them away, there can be a moment, somewhere in the quiet after they’re gone, where you feel a sense of relief.
And when that feeling shows up, it can catch you off guard. It can make you question yourself. It can make you wonder what kind of person feels that way.
But the truth is…that feeling doesn’t come from a lack of love.
It comes from the depth of it.
You’re not relieved that they died.
You’re just relieved that they’re no longer hurting.
You’re relieved that they’re no longer trapped in a body or a mind that was failing them. You’re relieved that the suffering, both theirs and yours, has come to an end.
Because when someone you love is in that kind of pain, you don’t just witness it, you carry it.
You feel it in your chest, in your thoughts, in the constant worry and helplessness of watching someone you love slip further away.
Here’s the thing…I know that pain.
I lived it while my loved one suffered through terrible cancer. And I remember how heavy it was, not just the grief, but the anticipation of it. The waiting. The knowing.
The slow heartbreak that happens long before the final goodbye.
So when the end finally comes, something shifts. The suffering stops. The tension releases.
And yes…sometimes relief follows.
That doesn’t mean you didn’t love them. It just means you loved them enough to not want them to hurt anymore.
In a way, we feel relief because we believe they feel relief. And that’s not something to be ashamed of. That’s compassion. That’s love, still showing up, even in loss.
You can hold both things at the same time.
The heartbreak of losing them…and the sense of peace knowing they’re no longer in pain.
Gary Sturgis
Author: ‘SURVIVING GRIEF – 365 Days A Year’
