Bradyesque

06/29/2026

“Many people, in their own sense of self, fixedly believe themselves to be beyond influence, believing their own character to be solid. Identity language cements this: ‘I’m kind. I’m good. I’m messy. I’m a safe person. I’m stubborn.’ Inversely, it is this sense of self as solid that, in not needing nurturance, is also taken advantage of, because it can only ever be taken advantage of, and yet to not feel taken advantage of is to have those aspects of character nurtured. Therein lies a paradox.

A dynamic view of character recognizes this, and yet, it isn’t always straightforward what will nurture a particular characteristic.”

https://bradyesque.com/on-neglecting-and-nurturing-character/

On neglecting and nurturing character On neglecting and nurturing character. Photo by Brady. 2026 The complaint is an altogether common one: ‘My partner changed. They used to be so kind, but maybe they never were. Maybe they were always faking it. Why I do I keep choosing such unkind people to dat...

01/21/2025

With regard to the changing landscape of social media, I’ll be taking a few weeks away to reflect on my social media engagement and how I want my broader public presence to operate moving forward. The desire to be transparent about my practice, how I hold psychological theory, and where I situate therapeutic conversations, remains; so it is more a question of “how” than a question of “if.” Thank you, in advance, for your patience, and as always, thank you too for letting me share.

01/10/2025

Depressive thoughts can convince someone that they know better the meaning of things; anxious ruminations can frame someone as being a better judge of problems and solutions. With regard to personality disorders, a histrionic personality is believing oneself to be more deserving of attention and attraction; a paranoid personality is believing oneself to be uniquely adept at understanding reality better than others; an antisocial personality exudes superiority in being above society and relational needs. However, it’s easy for most people to accuse another of being narcissistic, simply because they see a degree of superiority in their personality or character… And yet, superiority is neither exclusive to, nor the sole expression, of narcissistic personality disorder. A better diagnostic differential question, then, is: what is this superiority in service of? What is the aim of this superiority? To me, that is the important question in differentiating narcissism from other psychopathologies.

12/13/2024

Engaging with the accusation of being unsafe or another feeling unsafe is an important relational opportunity. Though there is a specific objective meaning in that accusation, subjectively, that feeling can arise from many reasons. I like to caution any quick defensiveness or counterattacking in that moment, mostly, because too many people mistake feeling unsafe with feeling vulnerable.

12/05/2024

In conflicts and arguments, it’s sometimes difficult discerning its beginning. Accordingly, I’ve found that all too often, the first attack exists, as it were, in a hostile interpretation, and more hostility and conflict ensues thereafter. Working with this then involves not simply acknowledging the start of an argument as a hostile interpretation, but helping a person realize that they are interpreting and do not have absolute knowing; that they are unconsciously provoking, and not simply defending.

11/14/2024

It hurts to not be able to comfort someone you love; though it hurts too to be inconsolable, to be the seemingly awful person that is the one rejecting what solace is being offered. In many ways those with depression are hurting, but in many more ways they perseverate on how much they are supposedly hurting others, are a burden, are terrible for others, and a net negative in every equation. That’s not something that a person can easily solve with the, “right words,” to get someone out of their depression. Allowing someone to feel their own way, while remaining clear on your end that you feel differently, while not minimizing their feelings, is the only way through that relational conflict. Otherwise it can become an argument of who is the best judge of who harmed the relationship, and who is more right. It needn’t be.

11/07/2024

As I’ve reminded patients over the years: it’s important to be kind to yourself in disappointments and failures around your feelings of hope. Being angry or hostile with oneself, that one shouldn’t have hoped, only ever serves depressive futility, only ever serves anxious sabotaging, and overtly inhibits progress altogether, which isn’t why we hope. It’s not stupid to hope, far from it, it’s integral to growth and change.

10/24/2024

To change painful relational dynamics, sometimes the tool is simply being able to identify feeling hurt, and finding the word, “ouch.” But simple things are rarely easy. It’s not easy to feel hurt, nor to show pain, nor to hear someone in pain, nor to hear past one’s own pain to hear another’s, nor to remain non-defensive in hearing someone’s pain, nor to have your pain competitively matter less than, for there to be two or more people in pain and all of that hurt to be acknowledged without competition, without invalidation, without disqualification, or without opportunistic attacks. It can be genuinely difficult to allow for a new way of being, for someone that doesn’t show hurt to do so, and for them to start saying “ouch,” The next tool then, perhaps for the other person, is both being able to hear it, and allowing it to be heard.

10/17/2024

The work in never ending battles is to allow for more space between them, and an integral understanding of that space is intentionally having its own clear moment. To put a bow on a conversation, to wrap up an argument, to hug, to high five, to kiss, to recognize the importance of this moment being at end, allows for a deeper felt sense of the conflict being at end. In that bow, in that moment, there is felt togetherness in the conflict being solved, there is felt unity in being able to see it to the end, and there is a felt sense of the relationship remaining even after the conflict that is important. The battle wasn’t for winning or losing, but for a deeper sense of relating if that moment is allowed. To forsake that moment, to forget to put a bow on a conflict, is to miss that opportunity for deeper reflection and integration of that conflict.

10/10/2024

A big part of discerning one’s judgment is the ability to more clearly identify all the thoughts and feelings and data that lead to a judgment. Problems in judgment, what some what say is “bad judgment,” arise therein at those points.

To rush to judgment with one thought, refusing to consider consequences or aftermath, is to be short-sighted in one’s judgment. To refuse to change judgment with new data, new information, is to refuse reality for the sake of a narrative supported by that judgment. To maintain a judgment prior to examining all the data, to pre-judge based on a singular feeling or singular experiences, is to be biased in one’s judgment. To expect to make a judgment in the moment to be an absolute, conclusive, or omniscient understanding; to judge believing one can fully predict the future, is to privilege the neurosis implicit to anxiety.

Rather than doing the work of discerning one’s own judgment, growing one’s own judgement, many people would rather be avoidant, defensively consider themselves nonjudgmental, and miss an opportunity to grow in their judgment. And so, good judgment therein isn’t being able to anxiously predict, or remain biased believing oneself to simply be right, or even steadfastly hold onto a belief or judgment regardless of new data. Good judgment is being open to examining one’s judgment, seeing oneself in the process of judging. Good judgement is not simply having the right judgment.