Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt

Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt is a clinical psychologist, relationship coach & founder of the Loving Roots Project.

06/19/2026

At NAMI, observing reminds us of the importance of ensuring that mental health support, education, and resources are accessible to every community.

Learn more about our work to ensure equitable mental health care access at nami.org/CHEA

After almost 20 years as a psychologist—and just as many years as a military spouse navigating moves, deployments, and e...
06/18/2026

After almost 20 years as a psychologist—and just as many years as a military spouse navigating moves, deployments, and everything in between—here’s what I’ve learned: the couples who make it aren’t the ones with the fewest problems. They’re the ones who keep choosing each other, especially when it’s hard.

Distance doesn’t kill love. Disconnection does.

Resentment doesn’t show up overnight. It builds quietly, in all the hard conversations we keep putting off.

And passion doesn’t fade because time passes. It fades when we stop being brave enough to be truly seen.

So if you want a love that actually lasts, here’s what it really takes:

Showing up, even on the days you’re running on empty. Owning your part, instead of keeping score. Following through, especially when no one’s watching. Letting your guard down, even when it feels safer not to.

Military life has taught me that love was never about perfect circumstances. It’s about building something strong enough to hold steady through every storm life throws at it.

If you’re in the trenches of love right now—tired, trying, still showing up—I want you to know you’re not alone in this.

Drop a ❤️ if this hit home, and tag the person you’re choosing every day.

Autopilot helps us survive busy seasons—but relationships need conscious attention to thrive. Small moments of presence ...
06/15/2026

Autopilot helps us survive busy seasons—but relationships need conscious attention to thrive. Small moments of presence interrupt distance and remind both partners they matter emotionally, not just functionally.


Intentionally choose how you love to strengthen your relationship.A lot of people believe that strong relationships happ...
06/10/2026

Intentionally choose how you love to strengthen your relationship.

A lot of people believe that strong relationships happen when you find the right person. But lasting connections usually come from the choices we make each day.

The choice to listen first, stay curious, take responsibility, and repair after conflict.

Healthy relationships rarely improve by accident. They grow when two people are willing to be intentional about how they show up—for themselves, for each other, and for the relationship they are creating together.

This is the heart of the UPLIFT approach: cultivating self-awareness, personal accountability, emotional safety, and meaningful connection.

You don’t have to be perfect to build a great relationship.

You simply need a willingness to learn, grow, and keep choosing each other along the way.

Because strong relationships aren’t found.

They’re built.

Love done well feels like safety + growth.It’s the beautiful paradox of a secure relationship:You feel safe enough to be...
06/08/2026

Love done well feels like safety + growth.

It’s the beautiful paradox of a secure relationship:

You feel safe enough to be fully yourself —
and challenged enough to keep becoming a better version of yourself.

Real love doesn’t just comfort you. It calls you forward.
It’s peace and momentum at the same time.

This is what secure attachment looks like in everyday life. This is what I help couples build every single day in my practice.

If your relationship gives you both safety and growth, you’re doing something very right.

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Tag someone who makes you feel safe to grow ❤️

The relationship you want starts with the relationship you have with yourself. What’s one thing you’ve recently become m...
06/05/2026

The relationship you want starts with the relationship you have with yourself.
 
What’s one thing you’ve recently become more aware of in your own patterns? Drop it below.
 
 
 
 

05/29/2026

Healthy love means staying true to yourself while choosing to build a relationship with someone else.

When differentiation is low, relationships can become emotionally reactive, overly dependent, or disconnected.
You may lose yourself trying to keep the peace, seek constant reassurance, or pull away to regain space and independence.

But when differentiation grows, something powerful happens:
• You can stay emotionally vulnerable and connected without abandoning yourself.
• You can tolerate differences without seeing them as threats.
• You can create intimacy without sacrificing autonomy.

And that’s where a secure, lasting connection is built.

The goal isn’t less closeness. It’s a healthier closeness where both people feel free to be fully themselves and deeply connected at the same time.

often brings both gratitude and grief, especially for those connected to military life.Many people see today as just a...
05/25/2026

often brings both gratitude and grief, especially for those connected to military life.

Many people see today as just a long weekend, but for many, it means much more. It reminds us of the sacrifices made by service members and the families who carry both love and loss every day.

If you’ve experienced , you know how important connection is, especially when time together isn’t guaranteed. In hard times, we hold on to appreciation more tightly. We say 'I love you' with purpose and notice the quiet moments that might otherwise pass by.

For many families, today feels heavy. Memories, absence, and emotions can manifest in ways hard to put into words. If you feel emotional today, you’re not alone. It’s normal to feel this way. Grief and gratitude can exist together, and that’s okay.

Let’s show compassion, focus on what matters most, and remember the lives and stories behind every sacrifice.

Building a real connection is more important than always agreeing.You don’t need to agree on everything to have a health...
05/22/2026

Building a real connection is more important than always agreeing.

You don’t need to agree on everything to have a healthy relationship. What really counts is how you treat each other when you disagree.

When you feel heard, respected, safe, and understood, you build a much stronger connection than if you just try to win an argument.

Strong relationships don’t depend on always seeing eye to eye.
They’re built on staying close, even when you see things differently.

Long-distance relationships need more than love. They rely on trust, solid communication, being intentional, and having ...
05/20/2026

Long-distance relationships need more than love. They rely on trust, solid communication, being intentional, and having a shared vision, these relationships endure because of a steady choice to stay connected—even from afar.
When both show up with effort, clarity, and purpose, distance need not weaken the bond. In fact, the foundation can grow even stronger. Miles don’t define the strength of connection. It’s built through intention and the choice to stay committed, regardless of distance.

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Los Angeles, CA

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Tuesday 9am - 5pm
Wednesday 9am - 5pm
Thursday 9am - 5pm
Friday 9am - 5pm
Saturday 9am - 5pm

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+12134464266

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