Anitra Durand-Allen, MAMFT

06/24/2022

I'm always intrigued by the comments on this video. People generally assume that THEIR position is THE position of the world. It's not. And that's OK. It can still be their position.

I've been married for 20 years and I stand by my position. Asking myself "Why does this bother me," whether it's flirting or anything else has been a big strength in our marriage.

What do you think? Is this bad advice or nah?

In this segment of Ask Anitra, Anitra addresses the topic of how to respond to someone flirting with your spouse in front of you.

07/10/2021

"I say
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me."
- from Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou

When my oldest daughter was born I began to reject and release the negative self images I had developed about myself. I didn't want to pass that mindset on to my daughters and knew their self image would begin with what I taught them about who they are.

Unlearning values and beliefs you've had about yourself for a long time takes time and can be emotionally difficult, but it's possible. Right now I'm not in the size, shape or fitness I want to be. And every once in a while I still have automatic thoughts about me that are negative. Then I take a deep breath and remember I can have that thought and choose what to do with it. I don't have to let it consume me. And neither do you.

So, here's a picture of me and my girls...and my girls. 👀👀👀 Cuz we look amazing and I know it. And want them to know it too. 😉

07/08/2021

This was too funny not to share. 😂🤦🏾‍♀️

07/07/2021

There are some people who come into your life and just by their presence make everything brighter. Suzzanne Douglas is one of those people.

She was the kindest, sweetest, most sincere woman/sister/Soror I have ever had the pleasure to work with and know.

When I read the news of her death I was literally stopped in my tracks. My heart skipped a beat and I shut my eyes tight hoping to reopen them and see something different.

This hurts. Grief is a tricky thing. There is validity to mourning celebrity deaths and feeling connected to people we don't really know. But I knew Suzzanne. No, I'm not family or even a close friend. But at one point I had her personal cellphone number and knew if I needed to call, I could. For anything. She was just that person.

This one hurts. 💔💔💔

07/02/2021

How are you helping your teens building healthy coping skills?

As the mother of an aspiring Olympian and a mental health advocate I stand by Sha'Carri Richardson. We have no idea what goes on for these athletes mentally and emotionally. I'm prayerful she builds the supports and gets the help she needs to heal well.

The media is notoriously reckless when it comes to public figures and what they believe we have the right to know. We have the right to nothing. Naomi Osaka showed us just that and we praised her for it.

Y'all see me posting Alex's race videos because I'm excited and she's dope, but when y'all see her in person and speak to her - even in congratulations - it's makes her incredibly uncomfortable. Being in the spotlight is difficult.

Emerging adulthood (from ages 18-25) is a time when there is an immense amount of pressure to perform and prove oneself, both internally and externally. Having a strong, supportive community and well rehearsed coping skills is vital.

📸 Garcia Media

06/20/2021

It's him for me. 💕

And for them too. Here's to all the out here doing all the things and setting the statistic for being the most involved in their children's day to day lives.

Harold, you are an amazing father and partner in parenting these teenagers we've created. Thank you for being the foundation for our family.

We love you, babe.

06/18/2021

Like, really.

😂🙄

06/16/2021

Hey Good People! I've seen some new friends here lately and wanted to take the time to introduce myself.

I'm Anitra. Wife of one amazing man for 19 years. Mom of 3 teens/teen-ish humans, although the 22 year old begs to differ. And this is my .

I'm also in my last year of my masters degree program in Marriage and Family Therapy and can't wait to be a helping others live the life they want the best way they can.

I'm 40-something and decided to go back to school to start a new career after 20 years. It sounds crazy, and at some points it felt crazy also, but these awesome people in this photo helped me through it.

Here on social I share all things marriage, motherhood, mental health, and midlife. So, if that's sound like something you vibe with, stick around.

I'd love to learn more about you. Tell me something good in the comments. 😉

📸 Megan Nicole Photography

06/14/2021

"But what is grief if not love persevering." - Vision

Today would have been my Daddy's 73rd birthday. And I'm not sad. And honestly, that makes me sad.

Grief is a journey. A neverending one, really. It shifts and changes as you move through it, but once you've experienced loss, you'll always have it.

And when you've experienced a loss like the death of a beloved person in your life not only does grief change, but it changes you.

I haven't cried today, yet and that's change. Right now I'm not sure if that's for the better or the worse. And honestly I'm not trying to figure that out. I'm going with what I feel and letting my emotions have their space.

I'll pick up the pieces tomorrow. 💕

06/10/2021

Taking her mark. Making her mark. 💯

Baby girl is ready to run in her first high school state track meet today. COVID stole last year's opportunity from her, but she's coming back for everything that she missed.

Let's go!

06/07/2021

Have you been or are you planning to be vaccinated?

Back in April I did a thing. I have been vocal about my skepticism with the COVID-19 vaccine. So I'll be transparent about why I got it.

I'm still concerned about what we don't know (because we know very little). I'm still concerned about long term effects because they're being created as we live and breathe. I'm still shell shocked from the way Black people have suffered medical experimentation and been taken for granted by our government over the course of history.

But, Olivia has the opportunity to participate in the Broadway Dreams () summer intensive twice this summer. That's singing, dancing, talking, and sweating on each other for hours each day.

Also, for Alex and we're gearing up for success in both the school and summer seasons. Trevone is staying home this summer to work (probably two jobs to make up for a lost year with no income).

I can't control what other people do in these settings and I know how much these opportunities mean for my kids' mental health.

At this point, I'd rather take the risk of doing it over the risk of not doing it. I'm not choosing the vaccine, I'm choosing mental health.

I'm not here to shame or guilt anyone else into making a choice. I'm just sharing the process Harold and I went through to make our decision.

And, given my risk factors for allergic reactions I only planned to do this once, so I went where I could get the Johnson & Johnson version. Keep your objections to yourself. Thanks.

I didn't have many adverse reactions outside fatigue and muscle aches. But I hydrated well for days prior, made sure my stomach was full, and took a dose of Vitamin C the day before and after.

How are y'all feeling about the vaccine?