09/14/2026
I was having another one of those honest conversations with my heart.
It started with an email. Before I knew it, I had written four paragraphs.
When I read part of it aloud, I felt the ick in my body. I felt myself responding from an old pattern. Over explaining, softening what I felt, and trying to appease the other person when I did not feel that way internally.
I was responding from a smaller place in myself. It was not fair to either of us. I was offering something I did not have the space or desire to keep giving.
So I took a step back and let it rest.
The next morning, after my morning practice, something clicked. I heard, “Choose what would make your inner child proud.”
And in that moment, I knew I needed to fu***ng nip this in the bud right now.
Not the person. The pattern.
Then I thought about the flowers. The more marigolds I pick, the more they bloom. The more I trim the zinnias, the more they bloom. The plant grows bigger. It flourishes.
That was me choosing differently.
And choosing differently did not feel like an exhale. It felt uncomfortable as hell. But I knew the exhale was on the other side of it. In choosing differently, I was already beginning to exhale.
I have noticed that in some of my biggest moments of growth and eye opening realizations, there is a moment of ick. It is my body telling me something is not in alignment, but it is also the ick of seeing the pattern and how I was responding from it.
If I let myself sit with the ick and hold it in a compassionate way, I can let it move through like waves. The ick is part of an old story held in my body. It can move through, and I can keep the awareness.