10/02/2026
On Tuesday, October 6th at 6 p.m. families who have been affected by pregnancy loss will attend the next “Wings of Hope” ecumenical memorial service at Calvary Cemetery in Mankato.
A service, led by a local pastor, includes a message of consolation, and a burial.
This is the 10th year that WOH has hosted such events that have brought comfort and compassion to many grieving families.
How Wings of Hope began is a moving story about our basic need to address loss…
Our world is littered with stone monuments of grief. The Taj Mahal, the great pyramids of Egypt and the World Trade Center Memorial are all testimony to our basic need to remember loss and death.
The celebrations of the living – birthdays, anniversaries, weddings – are festive and light. Smiles, laughter and Instagram posts, ch*****ne and birthday candles. We move through these celebrations casually; amused, sometimes giddy. It’s a lighter touch on the rhythm of our lives.
Our ceremonies for death are somber by comparison. Death is heavy and permanent. That loss needs something solid to anchor it. Something immutable and durable.
Because of this, cemeteries exist.
Usually when someone dies, we have a process for helping to deal with that sorrow. We come together – close kin, shirttail relatives, friends and neighbors. Sharing the loss helps. Recognizing the loss helps. Commemorating the loss helps.
But what happens when the loss is preemptive… a miscarriage or a stillborn? That’s a loss that’s deep and personal but hard to share; no one ever met that person who’s suddenly gone.
For most of human history, women and families who experienced pregnancy and newborn loss grieved somewhat privately.
Those losses, although common, have a unique sense of tragedy. Something went wrong. There is sometimes even an unrighteous but unavoidable sense of guilt that can add extra anguish to the pain.
Although traditionally there was no funeral or burial for the victims, the survivors’ grief is there – that price of intense anticipation and love – and that grief must run its course.
“Grief seems to be a presence,” said a pastor at a recent funeral. “That presence hangs around. And when it’s gone after some time, it can return suddenly out of the blue.”
And so it was with Chris Oldenburg, a mother in Mankato, Minnesota. After experiencing a miscarriage herself, she felt that void. There wasn’t much to surround her loss, share it or reach a sense of closure. Outwardly, it was like nothing happened.
In 2015, she and a handful of other women were at a cemetery board meeting at St. John the Baptist Catholic Church in Mankato and the “want” for something to address the void was kicked around with the parish priest, Father John Kunz.
The discussion centered around providing some kind of memorial site for this kind of loss and some way for having a funeral service for families grieving after a loss to miscarriages or stillbirths. A major obstacle was how to deal with the cost. There were no funds.
“Father Kunz said, ‘Well, this isn’t going to be a money thing,’” Oldenburg remembered. “He didn’t want the fear of cost to slow us down.”
Father Kunz was also on the board for Calvary Cemetery – a 40-acre cemetery jointly run by the four Catholic parishes in Mankato and North Mankato, Minnesota. After some discussion, Father Kunz suggested that the women meet with Terry Miller, the caretaker and manager of Calvary.
That meeting did happen. Miller, a caretaker with decades of experience and the son of a cemetery caretaker, was quite used to absorbing expressions of pain and loss. Graveside counseling and condolences were regular fare. But his meeting with Oldenburg and the other members of “Project Embrace” was impactful.
Chris, Monica, JoAnne and Julie talked about how they found each other, how they began to give out stained glass crosses to mothers on Mothers Day weekends. They talked about how they wanted to do more, laying out their vision for a tangible memorial site and periodic funerals with internment for those who had experienced miscarriages or still births.
“I got to hear their story,” Miller said. “And it got to me.”
Game on.
“Jesus took the wheel and God put his foot on the accelerator,” said Chris with a shy smile.
From there, plans came into focus and actions intensified. Miller and the cemetery board, led by Fred Muellerlile, were not known for treading water. Calvary Cemetery had developed a well-earned reputation for active management, continual improvement projects and customer service. A new cremation area, in response to rising demand for cremation accommodation, had just recently been consecrated. Timing was good for a new step forward.
A team was formed around Terry and the Project Embrace crew: local sculptor Tom Miller, landscaper and nursery owner Joe Koberoski, Kevin Satre of Mankato Mortuary and contractor Tom Hoehn. Dirt and gravel arrived, pavers installed, grass and trees planted. It was October 2015. Project Embrace launched the “Wings of Hope” website and blog and started selling commemorative pavers. Between volunteered labor and materials and some fundraising, the means to complete the project was appearing.
The harsh Minnesota winter slowed progress but by April most of the work was completed, only waiting for the central monument to arrive from Tom Miller’s workshop. Picking Tom to do the work was almost a foregone conclusion. Besides being a native of Mankato, the town is a veritable showcase of Tom’s commissioned sculptures – a Korean War soldier, an Indian chief and a massive Buffalo. In addition, Tom’s gravesite monuments were all over area cemeteries. The group’s anticipation for this central showpiece was high.
In April, the Wings of Hope Memorial commemoration was scheduled for June 30th. Mothers Day saw Chris, along with her mother and her daughter, placing the flowers and river rock around the footing for the monument.
“For my mom and me, we were there as mothers who have lost, and as mothers who wished there could have been something more during those dark days. We were also there as women wanting in some small way to provide that something more for the next generation,” Chris said.
Finally on June 29th the memorial sculpture was craned into place. Tom had sculpted upswept angel wings cradling a baby in its wings. “It brought our hopes to reality,” said Chris.
The next evening, in a backdrop of the perfect midwestern summer evening, about 60 people gathered for the first service. Father Kunz and other religious leaders spoke. Music was played. Tears shed. Since then, many services have been held and the Wings of Hope group continues to bring support to victims, including “care packages” that are supplied to area hospitals.
The project was deemed a well-executed success and continues to serve as an example of how cemeteries can answer a need that has never really been addressed.
The need is clear. According to the National Library of Medicine, over 10 percent of all pregnancies end in miscarriage, and nearly 20 percent of women who experience a miscarriage become symptomatic for depression and / or anxiety and symptoms typically persist for 1 to 3 years.
Feedback from the ongoing WOH ceremonies indicates that the memorial services are helping. Attending victims have said:
• “I didn’t know how much I needed this.”
• “It was the first time I felt I was able to say goodbye.”
• “We hear the words, ‘you are not alone’ but tonight I actually felt like it. Surrounded by my own community people.”
Pictured: Wings of Hope Memorial Team 2016, from left to right: Tom Miller (Monuments by Miller), Chris Oldenburg (WOH), Fr John Kunz (St John the Baptist), Terry Miller (Calvary Caretaker), Bishop John Quinn, Julie Laughlin and DeeAnn Wacker. Not pictured but also an active WHO member is JoAnn Alfson.
