By Matt Kennedy, pastor of Good Shepherd, Binghamton NY, Anglican, Reformed, etc. My grandmother, who I loved very much, was a selfless person who no doubt thought she was doing us a favor by insisting that there be no formal funeral service after her death. She hated the thought of anyone “making a fuss.” She specified instead that we all get together for a meal and share our memories of her. She
said that she wanted everyone to be happy and to “celebrate her life” rather than mourn her passing. Several days after her death we gathered to honor her wishes. No one knew what to say. The words that did come were awkward, embarrassed, forced. Everyone was too grief-stricken to contemplate a “celebration” I was in seminary at the time. Since then I cannot count the times people have told me that they want celebrations rather funerals, informal parties rather than stuffy requiems. I’ve presided over funerals in which families, trying to honor the wishes of their departed loved ones, have wanted to bring in balloons, play rock and roll, tell wild stories about the deceased’s youth…all in the effort to run from grief and mourning and solemnity. But the human soul yearns to mourn in the face of death. It must be done. It cannot be avoided or suppressed. Death is the great enemy that divorces body from soul, the union we all know in the depths of our being that should never have been torn apart. Mourning cannot and must not be avoided. And, thanks be to God, the Church has by and large preserved her ancient liturgies, tried and tested by time, to meet this need. No one needs to conjure up new words or songs or things to say. Words have been given to us, and acts, and ceremonies, and hymns that allow us to grieve and yet not as those who have no hope. If you are preparing to die, please do not place the burden of “celebration” or “informality” on those who remain after you. Let those who love you be borne through the necessary grief in the arms of the Church and through her, Christ himself. If you have been moved by the queen’s funeral, that is because the queen in her wisdom loved her family and people well. She gave herself to the ancient ceremonies knowing these would be salve for the hearts of those who loved her and give glory and honor to her Lord. While royal burials are far from what you or I can expect, the ancient words, the ceremonies, the hymns - you can have those. Those belong to the Church and they can be for your family and loved ones however humble your circumstances. Please don’t neglect this gift from God.
