07/04/2026
“You care more about cooling off than you care about me!” my son hollered across the beach.
He wanted to go home for a snack.
I wanted five more minutes to cool off in the ocean.
Then came…
“Fine! I’m leaving without you!”
Oof.
I calmly replied, “That’s not a safe choice. If you leave without me, there will be time in your room when we get home.”
The boundary stayed.
But so did my calm.
A few years ago, that moment would have looked very different.
I would have defended myself.
Explained why I only wanted five more minutes.
Tried to convince him that, of course, I loved him.
Yesterday, he didn’t need a speech.
He needed me to stay steady.
He was hot. Hungry. Disappointed.
He had simply run out of gas.
So I gave him space to be mad.
A few minutes later, he spotted a discarded boogie board, came racing back toward the water, and suddenly going home wasn’t nearly as important anymore.
But before he jumped back into the waves, I called him over.
I gave him a hug and said,
“I love you. I’m always going to take care of you. But what you said wasn’t kind, and it hurt my feelings.”
He looked up at me and quietly said,
“I’m sorry. I know. I won’t say it again.”
Then he grabbed his new treasure and ran back into the waves.
Walking home, I was smiling.
Not because he calmed down.
I smiled because I’ve changed.
I’ve learned that not every hard moment needs my words.
Sometimes it just needs my steadiness.
And here’s the part that still amazes me…
The hard moments end so much faster when I stop trying to make them end so quickly.
I still held the boundary.
We still talked about the hurtful words.
I just waited until he was calm enough to hear me.
That simple shift has changed our home more than almost anything else.
❤️ If this story resonated with you, that’s exactly the kind of parenting we practice in Foundations of Family Regulation. Our next virtual group begins July 14, and I’d love to have you join us.
Have you ever had a parenting moment where, looking back, you wish you’d waited instead of reacted?
I’d love to hear your story. ❤️
