12/28/2025
As many wrap up another holiday of being fortunate to spend this time with family and friends, remember to check in on those who have lost loved ones and continue to navigate the anniversaries of their passings; those whose presence is deeply missed.
An activity mentioned in "New Techniques of Grief Therapy: Bereavement and Beyond" entails Writing a Condolence Letter. Consider grabbing a blank card with a meaningful picture on the outside. To make this most meaningful, writing a handwritten message, communicated with honesty and transparency, so the writer's voice can be heard is recommended.
Include the following components:
1.) Acknowledge the death while avoiding euphemisms and refer to the deceased by name.
2.) Express heartfelt sympathy. (Don’t default to clichéd consolation.)
3.) Share special qualities or traits that characterized the deceased. (If the deceased was personally unknown to the writer, qualities or traits of the loved one that were shared by the bereaved person or others who knew the deceased can be incorporated into the letter. Should the writer have no personal information about the deceased, the message can acknowledge and validate the meaning and importance of the deceased individual to the bereaved person.)
4.) Share a favorite memory of the deceased person. (A detailed, written description of a shared moment in time with the loved one validates the bereaved person’s suffering by reinforcing the significance of the life that has ended, not just to the recipient of the letter but to the writer as well. Communicate emotions that were felt in the moment the memory was created and also the emotions that are experienced when remembering it. If the recipient of the letter was previously unaware of the memory that is shared, the gift of a new memory is given to the mourner. {Personal thoughts of Center of Being LLC -- On the flip side, allowing the person to share memories about the deceased, when you see them, can be therapeutic as well. Asking curious questions and encouraging the mourner to share more of the story can generally be more helpful in showing empathetic concern and interest in getting to know the deceased versus emotional contagion (saying words of comfort that dismiss the grief and often are said to comfort the giver versus the bereaved).}
5.) Remind the bereaved person of his or her personal strengths and special qualities. Communicating strengths and qualities is a reminder to the grieving person of personal resources that might be called upon to cope with the loss.
6.) Offer to help in a specific way. (Taking responsibility for determining a specific supportive action to offer a grieving person communicates genuine and sincere altruism, rather than a vague offer to help.)
7.) End with a thoughtful hope, wish or expression of sympathy.
Neimeyer, Robert A.. New Techniques of Grief Therapy: Bereavement and Beyond (Series in Death, Dying, and Bereavement) (p. 163). Taylor & Francis. Kindle Edition.
