09/13/2026
For those of you that haven’t known me over 20+ years I need to share something and someone that has had an enormous influence on my life over the course of the last 30 years.
Today marks the 25th birthday that David Jennings Caldwell has spent on the other side of Heaven. I held Dave in my arms for the last time that day in August 2001 after trying to revive him, being walked through CPR with 911, and failing at bringing him back. Not understanding or accepting why he lost his fight with he**in and I was still here; I spent years drowning in active addiction trying to follow behind him. I pray that today He is somewhere watching and knowing the positive impact that he still makes in my life and so many others affected by addiction and now; our recovery. The way that Dave lived his life was unapologetically to the fullest extent true to himself. He didn’t shrink to fit in rooms and he chased what brought him any sense of joy or freedom and I admired that the most.
In 2015 I was finally freed from the bo***ge to opiates, it was the last year I had to wake up with a Suboxone under my tongue and the journey of whole soul recovery began for me.
After Dave’s passing I spent years off and on Methadone maintenance programs and had two children while going to clinics in Asheville. Soon after the birth of my daughter in 2007, I detoxed “cold turkey” in a laundry room for 2 weeks only to come out and receive the phone call that my mother had also just been found deceased after her own battles with addiction that lasted over 30*yrs had ended. Six months went by and I never felt well. Suboxone had been created and I was one of the first in line since my addiction history made me a “great candidate “. I began taking Suboxone in 2007 and after 8 more years of being sick more often than well; I again locked myself in that same laundry room to detox. Now, without my children in my care (as they had been signed over to grandparents in 2010 due to my addictions and unhealthy relationships), my mother deceased, my marriage(relationship that validated my excuses to stay in addiction) was over; I was left with ME, GOD, and a WHOLE LOTTA ANGELS!
2015 marked the year it all changed. The enslavement to opioids was finally over but the work had just begun. I allowed God in my life the only ways I knew how which I thank Him constantly for meeting me exactly where I was; in active addiction, completely defeated, struggling with now methamphetamines which I had begun taking while going through Suboxone withdrawal alongside daily alcohol use and anything else that would take me out of ME- which included many people , places and things.
God put the breaks on- he installed them, because I never had them. He loved me when I had no idea what love truly was. He showed me I could be loved by Him and that was the only love I truly ever needed. He worked out every craving of every substance and every person I would’ve used as another escape from the love He’d been trying to show me the whole time. Dave was an angel that God used in my life to show me love when I felt completely unloveable and that catapulted my recovery and drive to make sure I help others never feel that same alone that I felt while in and struggling to crawl out of my addictions.
There are so many angels here among us and around us guiding our every step we take closer to “home” and I just want to say if you’re struggling with loss to addiction, your own addictions, feelings of su***de (because that was always my first battle) or just think that you’ve got to carry your world alone; PLEASE 🙏 know that you know that you know YOU ARE NOT ALONE! There are so many people out here that go through it, have been through it, have ZERO judgement and will love you so good while you learn to love yourself and this life again. I am one of those people, and there are recovery meeting rooms open daily filled with angels that will do the same.
We are here to help walk each other home. If you are contemplating su***de please call 988
If you are looking for recovery meetings, detox and treatment resources or need to connect with a peer that gets it; call me - (Angie) at Restoration Rooms At The Well:
(252) 723-9506
If you are seeking detox and treatment resources and ongoing peer support and are unfamiliar with our areas resources be sure to reach out to our county’s PORTeam: 252-247-1129
YOU ARE LOVED BEYOND MEASURE, You are fearfully and wonderfully made!!!
Pease read psalms 139- if you’ve seen my car you know this is important to me- it is Gods love letter to us that have questions our own worth, felt unloved and without good purpose- God will take every hurt, every experience you pray no one knows happened to you and will use it in the most restorative, beautiful, life changing, mind blowing ways if you will only let Him.
For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, present things or things to come, shall be able to separate us from the love that is in Jesus Christ our Lord. - Romans 8:38
And we know that all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His Purpose- Romans 8:28
If you managed to read this far, thank you. I hope to see you on the road as we trudge together our happy destinies 💗🙌🙏😇💗
