Haven Christian Counseling

08/10/2026

Sometimes, things come out of my mouth in a therapy session that surprise me. I believe it is the Holy Spirit helping to guide my words. Matthew 10:20 says, “For it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.” Great news, because I have said some pretty dumb things before. One was to the Drill Sergeant when my son graduated from Marine Boot Camp. He asked me, “Were you surprised that your son wanted to become a Marine?” I said, “Yes, because he is really smart.” Luckily, my daughter chimed in and very eloquently covered my blunder. That was definitely not the Holy Spirit! But recently I caught myself saying to one of my patients, “It is not a bad thing to not know everything that is coming or to live with uncertainty, letting go of outcomes can be very freeing.” Pretty good advice, but I felt convicted as I was saying it because I’m not sure I am the best at living with uncertainty myself. Letting go of wanting some control over the future is difficult, even though we know we can barely control ourselves on a good day. Our brains treat the unknown as a threat to survival. So, our nervous system responds to the unknown by triggering the fear center, and then we try to control the fear or outcomes in order to calm down and feel safe. Uncertainty is a normal part of life. In 2020, we all found out together what it was like to live with the uncertainty of a pandemic. Sadly, I know people who still struggle to leave their homes. One of my favorite verses is Philippians 4:6-7, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” James 4:14-15 says, “Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life you are a mist that appears for a little while then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, If the Lord is willing, we will live to do this or that.” These passages remind us that we are to pray and trust God’s will completely in every aspect of our lives. If you are like me, you may need to pray something like the following daily.

Lord, I confess that I struggle with wanting to control outcomes and trust you as my source of safety in this world. I release to You today anything I am holding onto or trying to do in my own strength. I trust everything into Your capable hands. I know that You hold the future in Your hands and that Your plans for me our good. Thank you for Your care and faithfulness that never waivers! Amen.

08/06/2026

07/06/2026

Dallas Willard, professor of Philosophy at the University of Southern California, wrote in his book: Spiritual Formation in Christ for the Whole life and Whole Person, “Bible memorization is absolutely fundamental to spiritual formation. If I had to choose between all the disciplines of the spiritual life, I would choose Bible memorization, because it is a fundamental way of filling our minds with what it needs. This book of the law shall not depart out of your mouth. That’s where you need it! How does it get in your mouth? Memorization.”

Neuroscience is even now proving that scripture reading and memorization have beneficial effects. It increases gray and white matter volume and helps protect against age related cognitive decline. We learn things by repetition. Repeating things helps to strengthen the synaptic connections in our brain. When neural circuits are activated repeatedly, they becomes stronger. Stanford University did a study revealing that structured memorization does more than just help you recall information-it physically alters and strengthen’s your brain’s internal connections, making future learning and cognitive processing more efficient. This is why memorizing and reading scripture regularly is important. Romans 12:2: “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Our part is to memorize and learn scripture, the Holy Spirit’s part is to transform. Every time we pick up our bibles, we are doing more than just reading words. We are filling our minds with wisdom, training our attention, learning humility, strengthening hope, building resilience, deepening our relationship with God, anchoring ourselves in truth, and learning how to resist evil.

Some techniques that can help with scripture memorization are: 1. Read aloud 5-10 times to engage auditory and visual senses. 2. Use the “First-Letter” Technique: Write only the first letter of each word of the verse(e.g., “For the wages of sin is death” “Ftwosid”). 3. Write it out by hand several times. 4. Record yourself reading, then listen to it repeatedly. 5. Use simple hand gestures or motions to engage muscle memory(e.g., sign language to go along with verse). 6. Make flash cards.

06/23/2026

Imagine being told by angels to leave everything you own behind and go live in the mountains. Doesn’t sound very appealing does it? We can become very attached to people, places and things. In my practice, I have patients that cling to ex-boyfriends, former places they lived, dream jobs or homes they have lost, living close to friends and family etc…. I have seen firsthand the suffering and consequences of dwelling on the past. At its extreme, people can develop what we call “Hoarding Disorder” where the act of keeping things provides a false sense of security and control. They are clinging onto things trying to fill an emotional hole in order to ease anxiety and pain.

In the story, Lot’s wife looks back at the city she was commanded to leave. I imagine she was attached to her home, friends and lifestyle. The text describes her as being behind Lot as they fled. We don’t know if she was turning back or dragging her feet. But, we do know her affection and attachment to things caused her to lose everything. Her fate was determined by her disobedience.

Jesus’ warning in Luke 12:15—“Take care and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of possessions.” The scripture is clear that we are to cling to God and not things. Isaiah 43:18-19 directs us “to forget the former things and focus on the “new thing” God is doing.” God has amazing things He wants to do in us and through us, but we can’t keep turning back or longing for things in the past. Where may God be trying to move you forward but you keep looking back? Is there something you are clinging to that is unhealthy or God is wanting you to release? Don’t let the devil rob you of your future by keeping you in the past!

06/16/2026

The emotions we feel, the events we experience, and our ability to interact with others are all affected by words. Words are reflections of our thoughts and feelings. Jesus said, “out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.” Our words are an indication of the condition of our hearts and also affects how we perceive and are perceived by others. Neuroscience is also helping us to understand and see the importance of words. When the word NO is heard at the beginning of a conversation, the brain starts releasing cortisol, the stress hormone that puts us on alert, while when we hear a YES, the release of dopamine is activated which is the reward and “feel good” hormone. All spoken words, whether positive or negative, produce an emotional discharge in the brain. A negative or insulting word activates the amygdala (alert) generating a feeling of discomfort or anger. Positive or stimulating words are assimilated by the right hemisphere of the brain, where emotions arise. Therefore, they generate pleasure, surprise and joy. Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” There is great power in the words we speak! With our words we can build up, offer hope, and encourage others. Positive words can also strengthen relationships. With our words we can help inspire others to reach their full potential and fulfill God’s plan and destiny for their lives. However, negative words can do much harm. They can diminish and discourage others. Critical words have the potential to destroy even the best of friendships, and words of gossip have the potential to destroy lives and reputations. With our mouths we have the ability to speak words of blessing or cursing.

Lord, help us to curate our words. To speak with integrity, use words that honor, uplift and respect others. May we bless, encourage and build up others rather than tearing them down. Fill our hearts with Your love so that out of them will flow abundant words of life, hope and love. Let our conversations always be full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that we will have an answer for everyone. Amen

06/02/2026

1 Peter 4:1 “So then, since Christ suffered in the flesh, you must arm yourselves with the same attitude he had, and be ready to suffer, too. For if you have suffered for Christ, you have finished with sin.”

1 Corinthians 2:16: "For 'Who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct him?' But we have the mind of Christ."

Peter is saying that we should have the same “mindset as Christ.” In other words, our attitude as Christians towards suffering should be like that of Christ’s. And Paul is saying in Corinthians that as believers we have access to the mind of Christ through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. A “mindset” is a set of attitudes or beliefs that affect how we see ourselves and the world. Peter is challenging us to align our thoughts, actions and desires with the heart of Jesus. Being willing to endure hardship with a good attitude. Our willingness to die to ourselves daily, breaks the power of sin in our lives. So what exactly is Christlike thinking? Let’s start with what type of thinking Christ did not seem to endorse. Jesus did not like: legalism, hypocrisy, self-righteousness or lack of compassion for others. Christ’s mindset was one of humility, obedience, love, faith, and an eternal perspective. Philippians 2:5-8 describes how Jesus, though fully God, humbled Himself as a servant and was obedient to the point of death. He lived with complete trust in the Father, prioritizing God’s will over worldly concerns and demonstrated boundless compassion toward others. This is a journey of daily surrender, prayer, taking our thoughts captive, and immersing ourselves in scripture. We can not do this in our own strength! Thank goodness we are empowered by the Holy Spirit.

Lord, I give my mind to you. Every thought, memory, worry and speculation. I receive the mind of Christ. May my thoughts be true, noble, right, pure, trustworthy, lovely and admirable. Enlighten my mind to be aware of the Holy Spirit’s Presence and working in my life. Let Your Word be the standard against which all thoughts are measured. Help me to see and love people the way You do. Season my thoughts with salt and keep me heavenly minded. May my trust in You be unwavering and may I have enduring love and patience. Direct my thoughts and give me a teachable and gracious spirit. Amen.

05/26/2026

Oneness with Christ

“But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.” 1 Corinthians 6:17. Oneness with God opens the door for intimacy and understanding. It is a place of peace and contentment, a divine union where we lose our sense of separate existence. It is a living bond that not even death can break. But many people still talk about the Lord as if He is “up there” and we are “down here.” He is with us and desires closeness, communion and active participation in what He is doing. Did you know the phrase “in Christ” is used over 150 times in one form or another by Paul in the New Testament? This means we are invited to participate in His life. Because of Christ’s death and resurrection, we are brought into intimacy with God as beloved children. We are grafted into the vine. John 15:5 “I am the vine, you are the branches.” Our deepest identity is no longer defined by our brokenness, failures or performance. In Christ, we are accepted, loved, secure and hidden. Union with Christ changes healing from: “How do I fix myself?” To “How do I remain connected to the One who heals? This is such good news! Christ does not desire to heal us from afar-He wants to come close.

“Against the prevailing mindset of our day—you are what you make of yourself—union with Christ tells you that you can discover your real self only in relation to the One who made you. You are not, you cannot be, self-made. Union with Christ tells you that you can only understand who you are in communion with God and others. And that is a wildly countercultural claim.”― Rankin Wilbourne

05/23/2026

It’s not too late, come join us for this training

I highly recommend this training, it is now my favorite psychotherapy modality! Brittany is an excellent instructor!

05/19/2026

Are you grief illiterate? I was! When I first started doing psychotherapy, I couldn’t understand why all of my patients were getting better except for the ones who were grieving. Sometimes they would come in and seem to be doing worse? Ignorantly, I kept trying to help “fix” their grief. I finally decided to pray and ask God about it rather than reading more books and trying new interventions. He told me that grief is not something to help people “get over.” The best that we can do is help them “go through it” by being empathetic, present, patient and to listen when they feel like talking.

Grief is a time in a person’s life when they may feel very strong and even frightening emotions. Often they feel many emotions simultaneously, which can be confusing and disorienting. But there are also physiological responses. Many people have sleep disturbances, changes in appetite, fatigue, body aches and cognitive challenges such as trouble concentrating. I’ve learned that people can have “skin hunger” or “touch starvation.” It is a craving for comforting human touch. They often report to me that they feel lonely, judged and isolated. Others seem go on with life like nothing has happened, and little things such as comparing grief experiences can make their pain worse. Friends don’t understand why they no longer want to attend small group, or hang out with couple friends when their spouse dies. The loss is tremendous in many ways. Death can also be a traumatic experience both for the person going through the process, and for the caregivers. Trauma then compounds the grief, making it even more of a struggle to go on with life. Grief is hard work, and I believe that the notion that grief somehow has an ending is false. Feelings of grief can occur long after someone has passed away and I don’t believe you ever stop missing someone's presence in your life.

So how can we help those grieving? Romans 12:15, says “mourn with those who mourn.”Some translations use “weep.” Jesus wept at the death of his friend Lazarus, demonstrating that grief is not a lack of faith, but a human necessity, summarized in the phrase "Jesus wept" (John 11:35). Sometimes I just sit and cry with patients who have lost a loved one.

Witness and validate their sorrow.
Presence over solutions or platitudes
Release any judgement. No one’s grief should be compared to another persons, and no one is doing it incorrectly. Give them space to grieve and accept that they are doing the best they can to heal.
Pray for them and help lift any heavy loads they may be carrying due to the loss. Don’t just ask, drop of meals or assist with any needs. Check in consistently, not just a few weeks after the loss.

**If you’re the one walking through grief today, know this: Your pain matters to God. Your tears are counted. Your questions are heard. You are not alone, and the One who numbers the stars also numbers the hairs on your head and the tears on your cheeks. Even in deep sorrow, there is an opportunity to receive divine healing, comfort and grace.