06/05/2026
"The Anxiety of Showing Up: Why Pride Month Can Feel Heavy (Even for the Guys Who Have It 'Together')"
I spend a lot of time with men who show up looking composed and leave the session admitting they do not know how they are supposed to feel right now. 😮💨
Pride Month starts June 1. Corporate logos turn rainbow. Your group chat starts pinging with event invites. And somewhere between the parade announcements and the LinkedIn allyship posts, a quiet pressure builds that no one names out loud.
Here is what I see in my practice. Three patterns that show up every June.
"Am I Out Enough?"
For gay, bi, and q***r men, Pride can feel like an audit. You should be at the parade. You should be posting. You should be visible, grateful, celebratory. If you are not, what does that mean?
Some of my clients feel guilty for wanting to skip it. Others feel guilty for wanting to go but being too exhausted to organize the logistics. Either way, guilt wins. Pride becomes another arena where they feel measured (and found lacking).
"What If I Say the Wrong Thing?"
For straight men who want to be allies, June brings its own paralysis. Do I post the flag? Do I not post it? Is this performative? Is my silence worse? The fear of getting it wrong becomes so loud that some guys shut down completely. They go quiet not because they do not care, but because they are terrified of messing up.
"Why Am I Questioning Things I Thought Were Settled?"
This one surprises people. Pride Month stirs identity questions even in men who felt certain. Seeing others live openly can surface something you thought you packed away. It does not mean your identity was wrong. It means you are human, and human beings keep evolving.
The Common Thread
All three patterns share one thing: June becomes another performance. Another place where men feel watched, evaluated, and unsure of the right move.
That is anxiety. Not weakness. Not confusion. Anxiety. 🧠
Curiosity Over Certainty
Here is the reframe I offer my clients: you do not need to have the perfect response. You do not need to be the model ally, the model q***r man, the model anything.
What helps is curiosity over certainty.
Instead of "What should I feel?" try "What am I actually feeling?"
Instead of "What is the right thing to say?" try "What do I genuinely want to understand?"
Curiosity does not demand performance. It just asks you to pay attention.
Showing up does not mean having all the answers. It means being present without pretending. ✨
Resources
If you want to deepen your understanding, The Trevor Project has a straightforward, useful guide on being an ally to transgender and nonbinary youth: www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/guide-to-being-an-ally-to-transgender-and-nonbinary-youth
And if Pride Month is surfacing something heavier than you expected (identity questions, old wounds, anxiety that will not quiet down) you do not have to sort it out alone. That is what I am here for. Visit www.rhythmwellnessnyc.com/ to learn more.
If you're struggling, support is available 24/7. Call or text 988.
Jack Szary, LMHC
Founder, Rhythm Wellness