AK Psychotherapy

AK Psychotherapy Therapy for anxious over-givers, self-abandoners & hypervigilant people-pleasers ready to build self-trust, healthier boundaries & more mutual relationships.

Serving NY, NJ, MD & DC. Individual therapy, groups & workshops. ✨ bio.site/alyssakushnerlcsw

I spent years fluent in a language I didn’t know I was speaking.⁣⁣“I don’t mind.” “No rush!” “It’s totally fine.” I thou...
07/29/2026

I spent years fluent in a language I didn’t know I was speaking.⁣
⁣
“I don’t mind.” “No rush!” “It’s totally fine.” I thought I was being easy, low-maintenance, generous.⁣
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What I was actually doing was translating every want I had into something smaller before it left my mouth, just in case the real version was too much for someone.⁣
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Here’s what took me long to learn: the people who love you can handle your actual preference. Your real answer. The sentence without the three softeners attached. The fear that they can’t is old, and it usually belongs to a much younger version of you who once had very good reasons to shrink.⁣
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None of this means becoming rigid or blunt or dropping every kindness. Sometimes “whatever works for you” is just being flexible, and that’s lovely. I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about the times you erase yourself on reflex and call it being nice, when really your body just decided your needs were the negotiable ones.⁣
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You’re allowed to mean what you say. It starts with one honest sentence.⁣
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Which of these do you catch yourself saying most? 👀 ⁣
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And send this to the friend who replies “no rush!!” then watches the read receipt like a hawk 🫶⁣
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Follow Alyssa Kushner, LCSW | Therapist for Hypervigilant Over-Givers if you’re done shrinking yourself to stay connected. ⁣
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Education content only, NOT a substitute for mental health treatment of therapy.

Shrinking and losing yourself in relationships doesn’t always look as intense as you’d think .⁣⁣Sometimes it looks like ...
07/27/2026

Shrinking and losing yourself in relationships doesn’t always look as intense as you’d think .⁣
⁣
Sometimes it looks like rewriting the text until it sounds “easy.”⁣
Saying you don’t care where you eat.⁣
Trying to figure out what everyone else wants before you’ve even asked yourself.⁣
Calling yourself indecisive when you’ve actually become very skilled at choosing whatever keeps everyone else comfortable.⁣
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You didn’t forget how to have needs though. You probably learned that relationships felt safer when your needs stayed small, flexible, and easy to accommodate.⁣
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Finding yourself again isn’t about suddenly having strong opinions about everything. It’s practicing the pause long enough to notice: What do I want? What do I need? What would I choose if nobody else’s disappointment were mine to prevent?⁣
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You deserve to be included in the care you give everyone else 🤍⁣
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Follow me Alyssa Kushner, LCSW | Therapist for Hypervigilant Over-Givers if you’re learning how to stay connected to others without abandoning yourself.⁣
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Educational content only. This is not therapy or individualized mental health advice.

I used to think overthinking meant I hadn’t done enough. ⁣⁣So id think some more, id re read the text, give a little mor...
07/24/2026

I used to think overthinking meant I hadn’t done enough. ⁣
⁣
So id think some more, id re read the text, give a little more context, ask 3 friends what they thought, replay the convo 5 more times before bed. ⁣
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What I realized though was that I wasn’t actually looking for answers to confirm my choice or my reply. I was just looking for certainty and permission. ⁣
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Permission to say no and certainty that they won’t be disappointed. ⁣
Permission to choose myself and certainty that they’d still be around. ⁣
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The problem is..there’s zero amount of thinking, over explaining, or answers to guarantee that someone else won’t be disappointed, misunderstand you or react differently than you’d hope.⁣
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And no one else but *you* can give yourself permission to do it anyway. ⁣
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So when I finally realized I couldn’t find permission outside of myself and that ultimately I’d have to tolerate that uncertainty… trusting myself got easier.⁣
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Self trust isn’t believing you’ll always make the perfect decision. It’s just believing you’ll be okay even if it’s uncomfortable 🩷⁣
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Permission to choose you. Follow me Alyssa Kushner, LCSW | Therapist for Hypervigilant Over-Givers if you’re ready to finally choose and trust yourself. ⁣
⁣
Educational content only. This is not therapy or individualized mental health advice.

One of the most common things I hear from clients is:⁣⁣“I feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore.”⁣⁣Most of the ti...
07/20/2026

One of the most common things I hear from clients is:⁣
⁣
“I feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore.”⁣
⁣
Most of the time, they didn’t actually ⁣truly lose themselves.⁣
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They adapted. They learned that relationships felt safer when they were accommodating, low-maintenance, helpful, agreeable, or whatever kept the connection intact.⁣
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So now, having preferences, saying no, or disappointing someone can feel unfamiliar. But you know what? That also means you can reconnect to those parts that stayed small, quiet or were pushed away. ⁣
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They aren’t gone, they’re just in the background. You’re not starting over when you work on this - you’re just getting connected to yourself enough to find the parts again! ⁣
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Thoughts? Let me know if this resonated or send to a loved one that needed to hear it 🩷⁣
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Follow Alyssa Kushner, LCSW | Therapist for Hypervigilant Over-Givers to learn how to reconnect with the parts you’ve left behind to keep love. ⁣
⁣
Educational content only. This is not therapy or individualized mental health advice.

Some of the hardest patterns to change are the ones that get you praised.⁣⁣Helpfulness is one of them. It looks generous...
07/19/2026

Some of the hardest patterns to change are the ones that get you praised.⁣
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Helpfulness is one of them. It looks generous and feels generous. And sometimes, underneath it, there’s a nervous system that learned a long time ago that being needed was the safest way to stay connected.⁣
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I say this with zero judgment, as a therapist who works with over-givers all day and as a recovering one myself. The point of this post isn’t to make you question every kind thing you’ve ever done. It’s to help you notice when “helping” is actually about managing your own discomfort, earning your place, or avoiding a boundary you don’t want to say out loud.⁣
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Save this for the next time you catch yourself saying “it’s fine.”⁣
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Which slide called you out? Be honest.⁣
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Educational content only - not a substitute for therapy. Follow Alyssa Kushner, LCSW | Therapist for Hypervigilant Over-Givers to learn how to stop putting everyone else’s comfort above your own and to let go of responsibility for everyone’s emotions.

We never want to stop being caring. But the deeper; more reflective question is: ⁣⁣If no one needed you today… would you...
07/14/2026

We never want to stop being caring. But the deeper; more reflective question is: ⁣
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If no one needed you today… would you still feel connected to them?⁣
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For a lot of people, being helpful slowly became the way they experienced closeness.⁣
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By listening actively, fixing problems, anticipating needs.⁣
Essentially - you made yourself useful.⁣
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And it’s not because you were consciously trying to earn love, but because your nervous system learned that being needed felt safe. That gave you the deep closeness, acceptance and love that you crave (but also literally needed esp growing up).⁣
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Over time, that can make relationships confusing. Because when someone has a problem, you feel like you automatically have a job.⁣
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And when they don’t need you anymore, it can leave you wondering where you fit. Or what your role is. But I’m here to remind you : ⁣
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Real closeness isn’t built on always having a role.⁣
It’s built on being known. Mutual connection, mutual support, being truly seen. Understood. Accepted for who you are inherently. ⁣
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So the intention here is⁣
learning that your value in a relationship doesn’t disappear the moment you stop carrying it.⁣
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Did this resonate? Let me know 🤍⁣
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Follow Alyssa Kushner, LCSW | Therapist for Hypervigilant Over-Givers if you’re ready to finally put down what was never yours to carry.⁣
⁣
Educational content only. This is not therapy or individualized mental health advice.

Becoming a chronic over giver didn’t start overnight. For a lot of people, it starts much earlier!When love, approval, o...
07/10/2026

Becoming a chronic over giver didn’t start overnight. For a lot of people, it starts much earlier!

When love, approval, or safety felt tied to being helpful… your nervous system learned that being needed was the safest place to be.

So you become the one who fixes, anticipates, reassures. The one who carried everyone else’s emotions before they even asked.

Over time, helping stopped feeling like a choice. It started feeling like your genuine job.

That’s why stepping back can feel so uncomfortable. Not because you’re selfish or anything, but because your nervous system learned that your worth, belonging, and safety depended on what you could do for everyone else.

But your value has never been determined by how much you carry or who you support.

You can care deeply without making someone else’s emotions your responsibility.

You can support someone without rescuing them.

You can be compassionate without abandoning yourself.

If this resonates, ask yourself:

“Am I helping because they truly need me… or because being needed makes me feel safe?”

That one question can change everything.

—

Hi, I’m Alyssa, a therapist who helps hypervigilant, hyper-responsible over-givers stop carrying everyone else’s emotions, needs, and problems so they can build self-trust, set boundaries without guilt, and finally feel lighter.

🤍 Follow Alyssa Kushner, LCSW | Therapist for Hypervigilant Over-Givers for more on people-pleasing, emotional responsibility, boundaries, hypervigilance, and self-trust.

Educational content only. This is not therapy or individualized mental health advice.

You don’t become an over-giver overnight.⁣⁣For a lot of people, it starts much earlier!⁣⁣When love, approval, or safety ...
07/10/2026

You don’t become an over-giver overnight.⁣
⁣
For a lot of people, it starts much earlier!⁣
⁣
When love, approval, or safety felt tied to being helpful… your nervous system learned that being needed was the safest place to be.⁣
⁣
So you become the one who fixes, anticipates, reassures. The one who carried everyone else’s emotions before they even asked.⁣
⁣
Over time, helping stopped feeling like a choice. It started feeling like your genuine job.⁣
⁣
That’s why stepping back can feel so uncomfortable. Not because you’re selfish or anything, but because your nervous system learned that your worth, belonging, and safety depended on what you could do for everyone else.⁣
⁣
But your value has never been determined by how much you carry or who you support.⁣
⁣
You can care deeply without making someone else’s emotions your responsibility.⁣
⁣
You can support someone without rescuing them.⁣
⁣
You can be compassionate without abandoning yourself.⁣
⁣
If this resonates, ask yourself:⁣
⁣
“Am I helping because they truly need me… or because being needed makes me feel safe?”⁣
⁣
That one question can change everything.⁣
⁣
—⁣
⁣
Hi, I’m Alyssa, a therapist who helps hypervigilant, hyper-responsible over-givers stop carrying everyone else’s emotions, needs, and problems so they can build self-trust, set boundaries without guilt, and finally feel lighter.⁣
⁣
🤍 Follow Alyssa Kushner, LCSW | Therapist for Hypervigilant Over-Givers for more on people-pleasing, emotional responsibility, boundaries, hypervigilance, and self-trust.⁣
⁣
Educational content only. This is not therapy or individualized mental health advice.

Most people think resentment shows up because they’re doing too much.⁣⁣But in my experience, resentment usually starts m...
07/08/2026

Most people think resentment shows up because they’re doing too much.⁣
⁣
But in my experience, resentment usually starts much earlier.⁣
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It starts the moment you stop checking in with yourself.⁣
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The moment you automatically put someone else’s comfort before your own.⁣
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The moment your body says, “I’m exhausted,” and you answer with, “I’ll deal with me later.”⁣
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Those moments feel small.⁣
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One extra favor, one more yes, one more time swallowing what you really feel.⁣
One more day convincing yourself your needs can wait.⁣
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On their own, they don’t seem like much. But over time, they become self-abandonment.⁣
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Then one day resentment appears, and it feels like it came out of nowhere.⁣
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It didn’t.⁣
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Your mind and body have been trying to get your attention for a long time! ⁣
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Resentment isn’t proof that you’re selfish, uncaring, or failing.⁣
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Sometimes it’s simply information. A signal that you’ve been carrying more than was ever yours to carry. Or not choosing yourself and putting everyone else’s first. Not setting boundaries or holding them; not attending to your needs. ⁣
⁣
If this resonated, save it for the next time you catch yourself putting everyone else first.⁣
⁣
Hi, I’m Alyssa - a therapist who helps hypervigilant, hyper-responsible over-givers stop carrying everyone else’s emotions, needs, and problems so they can build self-trust, set boundaries without guilt, and finally feel lighter.⁣
⁣
Follow Alyssa Kushner, LCSW | Therapist for Hypervigilant Over-Givers if you’re ready to finally put down what was never yours to carry.⁣
⁣
Educational content only. This is not therapy or individualized mental health advice.

You weren’t born believing someone else’s bad mood was your job.You learned it! Maybe keeping the peace made home feel s...
07/05/2026

You weren’t born believing someone else’s bad mood was your job.

You learned it!

Maybe keeping the peace made home feel safer.
Maybe you became the emotional translator in your family.
Maybe love felt more secure when everyone else was okay.

So now your nervous system does what it learned to do:

• Someone gets quiet → “What did I do?”
• Someone seems stressed → “How can I fix it?”
• Someone’s disappointed → “This must be my fault.”

Over time, you stop simply noticing other people’s emotions.

You start managing, fixing them, and literally absorbing them as yours.

And that’s exhausting because it means your own sense of peace depends on what’s happening inside everyone else.

Caring about people is healthy. Feeling responsible for their emotions isn’t. The goal isn’t to care less. It’s just to remember where you end and someone else begins.

✨ Hi, I’m Alyssa. I’m a therapist who helps hypervigilant, hyper-responsible over-givers stop carrying everyone else’s emotions, needs, and problems so they can build self-trust, set boundaries without guilt, and finally feel lighter.

Follow Alyssa Kushner, LCSW | Therapist for Hypervigilant Over-Givers if you’re ready to finally put down what was never yours to carry. 🤍

Educational content only. This is not therapy or individualized mental health advice.

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