Alana Carvalho Therapy - The Codependent Perfectionist

Alana Carvalho Therapy - The Codependent Perfectionist A series on the dynamics of codependency and perfectionism.

Self identified as the Codependent Perfectionist, Alana gives you a mix of psychoeducation and anecdotes from her own work as a therapist to understand how theseissues play out in everyday life. Alana Carvalho is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Licensed Professional Counselor, Substance Abuse Counselor, and Sandtray Therapist based in NYC & NJ.

09/14/2026

What’s keeping you stuck in codependency ❔ Let’s talk about it.⁠
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✔️ You want to set boundaries, but…⁠
✖️ You’re terrified of losing relationships.⁠
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✔️ You want to prioritize yourself, but…⁠
✖️ You feel selfish when you do.⁠
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✔️ You want to stop overgiving, but…⁠
✖️ You don’t know who you are without it.⁠
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✔️ You want to break free from codependency, but…⁠
✖️ You don’t even know where to start.⁠
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These fears are normal, but they don’t have to keep you stuck.⁠
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✅ You can learn to set boundaries without guilt.⁠
✅ You can prioritize yourself without losing your heart.⁠
✅ You can create healthier relationships without fear.⁠
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Ready to take the first step?⁠
My Codependent Perfectionist Oracle Cards are designed to help you break the cycle, set boundaries, and reconnect with your needs. Comment ‘CARDS’ below, and I’ll send you a FREE sample!⁠

09/07/2026

An unhealed person often finds offense in almost anything due to fragile self-image or past trauma, interpreting external actions as personal threats.

Conversely, a healed person understands that the actions of others usually have nothing to do with them, allowing them to remain secure and less reactive. ⁠
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Let’s look at the Unhealed vs. Healed Perspective⁠
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✖️ The Unhealed Person (Easily Offended):⁠
- Reactionary: Finds offense in nearly everything because their inner, unhealed wounds are easily triggered.⁠
- Internal Focus: Uses offense as a protective mechanism for a fragile self-image.⁠
- External Attribution: Believes others’ actions are direct, personal attacks.⁠
- Trauma-Driven: Operates from a place of insecurity, unworthiness, or past pain.⁠
- Self-Centered: Often self-focused, leading to misinterpretations, accusations, and negative conclusions.⁠

🤍The Healed Person (Secure/Empathetic):⁠
- Secure: Understands that actions of others are not a reflection of them.⁠
- Empathetic: Carries empathy and wisdom, often having done the work to rise above past pain.⁠
- Slow to Anger: Possesses good sense, choosing to overlook offenses.⁠
- Non-Reactive: Does not feel the need to be “”held hostage”” by others’ actions or words.⁠
- Self-Aware: Focuses on inward growth rather than monitoring others. ⁠
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The core difference lies in the source of security: the unhealed person seeks validation or safety from the external world, while the healed person possesses it internally⁠
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If you’re looking to get comfortable in the healing category, follow Alana Carvalho - The Codependent Perfectionist , where we navigate healing from codependency and perfectionism with daily support!

08/28/2026

Be patient with your emotions as they catch up to your healing.

Just because setting a boundary feels terrifying doesn’t mean it’s the wrong decision. Just because you feel guilty doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong.

For many people recovering from codependency, speaking up, saying no, and choosing yourself will feel uncomfortable at first ... not because it’s unhealthy, but because it’s unfamiliar.

Your nervous system is learning a new way of relating.

Give yourself time.

The fear softens. The guilt gets quieter. The boundaries become more natural.

And on the other side of that discomfort is something you’ve been working toward all along:

Peace. ✌️

Keep going. Your emotions will catch up to your recovery.

08/21/2026

Just over here convincing people that rescuing isn’t the same as loving.

For a lot of people healing from codependency, this is one of the hardest shifts to make, because rescuing feels like love.

It feels like:
stepping in before someone struggles
fixing things so no one is uncomfortable
taking responsibility for outcomes that aren’t yours
overextending so someone else doesn’t fall apart

And for a long time, that can get reinforced. You might even be praised for being the “reliable one,” the “strong one,” or the person who always handles everything.

But over time, rescuing starts to blur the line between care and control. Because when you’re always trying to prevent discomfort, you’re also preventing other people from learning, taking responsibility, and growing.

And quietly, you lose yourself in the process.

Real love can say:
“I care about you… and I trust you to handle this.”

Rescuing says:
“If I don’t fix this, something will go wrong, and it will be my fault.”

That difference matters.

Because love allows space for another person’s experience.
Rescuing takes over that experience to manage anxiety.

If this resonates, it’s not about judging how you’ve shown up ... it’s about noticing what you learned to do in order to feel safe in relationships.

And then slowly practicing something new.

08/17/2026

Accountability isn’t cruelty. It’s clarity.⁠
But when you’re not ready to acknowledge how your behavior impacts others, even gentle truth can feel like an attack.⁠
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Codependency often teaches us to avoid discomfort at all costs ... but real healing begins when we choose accountability over defensiveness.⁠
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📖 My book Raising Empowered Children dives deep into how codependent perfectionism shapes our relationships, and how to unlearn it, one courageous step at a time.⁠
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💬 Comment BOOK to get your copy and start breaking the cycle today.⁠

codependentnomore

YOU ASKED. I LISTENED. 🤍When I announced my in-person Codependency Support Group, I heard from so many of you who wanted...
08/14/2026

YOU ASKED. I LISTENED. 🤍

When I announced my in-person Codependency Support Group, I heard from so many of you who wanted to join, but couldn't make the Midtown Manhattan location or time work.

So I made another option.

✨ THE CODEPENDENCY SUPPORT GROUP IS NOW AVAILABLE VIRTUALLY.

Starting Thursday, September 10th | 1:00–2:00 PM EST , we'll meet virtually each week for a safe, supportive, trauma-informed space to connect and heal together.

This group is for those navigating:

• Codependency
• CPTSD
• Complex family or relationship dynamics
• People-pleasing and difficulty setting boundaries
• The struggle to prioritize yourself without guilt

Together, we'll work on understanding your patterns, processing past experiences, building emotional resilience, strengthening boundaries, and creating healthier, more mutual relationships.

Because healing isn't just about understanding your patterns.

Sometimes you need a space where you can say, "This is what I'm struggling with," and hear, "Me too."

You don't have to do this work alone. 🤍

TWO WAYS TO JOIN:

📍 IN PERSON:
Wednesdays| 6:00–7:00 PM EST
Midtown Manhattan
Beginning September 9

💻 VIRTUAL:
Thursdays | 1:00–2:00 PM EST
Beginning September 10

Both groups are facilitated by me, and space is limited to create a safe and connected environment.

Interested in joining? Email me at [email protected] to learn more and take the next step.

I heard you. I listened. And I can't wait to create this space with you. 🤍

08/14/2026

How experience other people is dependent upon our many experiences in the world.

As codependents we often want to shape how others see us - but in reality, or own reactions reflect our own woundings. It’s really helpful to show us where we may need to reflect internally.

While it’s all helpful information, it’s not your job to make others see you in a certain way.

Many people spend years collecting information about healing.But healing isn't measured by how much you know.It's measur...
08/10/2026

Many people spend years collecting information about healing.

But healing isn't measured by how much you know.

It's measured by what you can actually do differently when life gets hard.

Group therapy gives you the opportunity to process, practice, receive support, and build healthier patterns in real time.

It's one of the most meaningful investments you can make ... not because you're "broken," but because you deserve a space dedicated to your growth.

𝗜𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝘃𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝘅𝘁 𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗽, 𝗜'𝗱 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗷𝗼𝗶𝗻 𝘂𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗦𝗲𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝟵. 🤍

08/10/2026

Codependents and narcissists are like magnets 🧲 they find each other, almost instantly.⁠
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🧲 One craves validation.⁠
🧲 The other craves control.⁠
🧲 One feels worthy when they’re needed.⁠
🧲 The other needs someone to meet their endless needs.⁠
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It’s a painful, exhausting dance ... one person over-gives, over-explains, and over-functions… while the other takes without ever truly giving back.⁠
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Here’s the thing: you’re not “broken” for being drawn to this dynamic. You were trained for it - taught that love meant earning approval, managing emotions, and proving your worth.⁠
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If you want to truly heal, it means unlearning that pattern.⁠
It means recognizing that healthy love doesn’t require you to disappear.⁠

08/07/2026

One of the biggest contributors to resentment is unspoken expectations.

This shows up a lot in codependency. We naturally give the kind of love, support, and effort we wish someone would give us. Then, when it isn’t reciprocated, we feel hurt, disappointed, or taken for granted.

The problem isn’t that you care deeply. It’s expecting other people to love, think, or give the way you do without ever communicating that expectation.

A helpful question to ask yourself is: Am I giving because I genuinely want to, or because I’m hoping they’ll do the same for me?

If it’s the second, you have two healthy options: communicate what you need instead of hoping they’ll guess, or adjust how much you’re giving so it feels sustainable, even if nothing comes back in return.

Healthy relationships aren’t built on keeping score, but they also aren’t built on one person constantly over-giving.

Sometimes the most loving thing you can do—for yourself and your relationships—is give freely when you choose to, ask clearly for what you need, and stop expecting people to read your mind.

✨ Comment CARDS for a free PDF and learn more about my Codependent Perfectionist Oracle Deck—a daily tool to help you build healthier boundaries, communicate your needs, and break free from people-pleasing patterns.

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Tuesday 9am - 9pm
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