Mark O'Connell, Psychotherapist

07/29/2026

My new Psychology Today article, "Presumed Intimate: Proximity isn't the Same as Trust“ has been selected as an Essential Read.

We all find ourselves trapped in the mysterious thriller I call Presumed Intimate whenever a relative, friend, or community member insists we commit to a connection with them at all costs--even when they refuse to earn our trust.

Using a case illustration I explore this dilemma and how we can navigate it.

Have a great day! ☀️
moc

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/quite-queerly/202607/presumed-intimate

05/29/2026

Unnamed Gender Norms Are Harming Collective Well-Being

My article on this topic has been promoted to Essential Read on Psychology Today

The piece centers on Miller Cynthia ‘s new book “Man Up!: The New Misogyny and the Rise of Violent Extremism”—which is most DEFINITELY an essential read.

The article is a two part series. Here’s the link to Pt. I:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/quite-queerly/202605/how-unnamed-gender-norms-are-harming-collective-well-being

Pt. II will be published tomorrow.

I encourage you to read this one. Especially parents, aunts/ uncles, teachers and anyone who engages with younger generations.

Key Points:

* We too often dismiss misogyny as "child's play."

* When we fail to name everyday policing of gender roles and expressions, we normalize inequality and violence.

* We can disrupt this cycle by calling out even seemingly small sexist behaviors.

04/26/2026

Don’t miss “Cats:The Jellicle Ball” on Broadway!

And check out my Psychology Today piece about how and why this revelatory show is a life saver!

My article has been selected as an “Essential Read” by the editors.

This is the kind of article that made me want to start my Quite Queerly blog on PT. I’d love for you to read it.

And to see this transformative piece of theater! 🐈‍⬛ 🪩 💃🏽 💫

The revelatory reimagining of 'Cats' on Broadway allows the musical to finally make sense.

04/16/2026

Curiosity vs. Certainty

One invites connection.

The other shuts connection down.

Practice curiosity in every exchange. Both with your text and your subtext.

https://www.instagram.com/p/DXKlrTLEfJD/?igsh=NTQ5MTJ5a3hlbDU3

hashtag hashtag hashtag hashtag

03/11/2026

Children and families in my community, and all across our country, are being targeted with hatred. Please share this wonderful resource in NYC with anyone who might find it helpful. It is run by my friend, neighbor, and colleague Joanna McClintick, LCSW.

*

Parents and caregivers of transgender and gender nonconforming (TGNC) teens are navigating complex medical decisions, evolving language around names and pronouns, and difficult conversations with extended family often without clear guidance or safe spaces to process.

That’s why support at matters now more than ever. Feel free to join the Parenting Beyond the Binary, an 8-week virtual support group for caregivers of TGNC youth.

This group offers:
• A compassionate, affirming space to better understand and support your child’s developing gender identity
• Guidance on navigating medical choices
• Community with other families on similar journeys
• Support for birth, foster, and chosen caregivers alike

No caregiver should have to navigate this moment alone.
🗓 8 Weeks | Ongoing
🕠 5:30–7 PM | Virtual

📩 To express interest: [email protected]

If you know a parent or caregiver who could benefit, please share this post or reach out directly.

Community care is powerful especially now.

Register here: https://www.tfaforms.com/5032202?&tf

03/07/2026

"If I Had Legs I'd Kick You"!!!!

My new article on Rose Byrne's provocative, Oscar-nominated turn is up on Psychology Today

I used this opportunity to discuss relational bids for Recognition and/or for Regulation--in therapy and in life. Weaving in the brilliant voices of psychologists Beatrice Beebe and Mona Delahooke

I was deeply impacted by this movie, as a therapist and a parent. And, if you saw it, I'm curious what your thoughts are too.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/quite-queerly/202603/recognition-vs-regulation-in-therapy-and-in-life

Rose Byrne's Oscar-nominated turn in 'If I Had Legs I'd Kick You' brilliantly shows us how necessary both recognition and regulation are in our relationships.

03/06/2026

Boundaries are not Exile.

They are an invitation for relationship and belonging.

Don’t let anyone’s fear of exile mess with your boundaries.

Especially your own.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVjLYRTAHHI/?igsh=MXNhMm94NGMzOGg5NA==

02/25/2026

My great-grandmother came to America with hope.

Today we need that same empathy — for her story, for others’ stories, and for what freedom truly means.

I wrote about her immigration journey in 2017 in my Psychology Today column Quite Queerly. It’s called Immigration and the Benefits of Other-Regarding Actions — and it feels just as relevant today. Every day.

You can read the article at the link below.

Immigration and the Benefits of Other-Regarding Actions | Psychology Today

https://www.instagram.com/p/DVMM1F_kZC-/?igsh=aDFuOHp1czZubWxi

02/14/2026

Valentine’s Day reminder: your relationships don’t improve because you become someone else — they improve when you show up as you ARE…

and invite the other person to do the same.

No matter what kind of relationship you want to work on—friendship, romantic, family, work—make sure you can:

See each other.

Hear each other.

Set boundaries.

Recognize and acknowledge one another.

Listen deeply.

And find a creative way to expand in one another’s attention.

I’ve put together a free bundle of my relationship articles from — practical, research-grounded tools you can use right away.

Link to Articles: https://linktr.ee/RelationshipArticles?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUvgCNWAMDM/?igsh=MXAxam8xMGxiYjZ3MA==

�Happy ❤️

02/08/2026

I can’t think of a better time to repost this article I wrote for Psychology Today in 2017 about what we can learn about relationships from the Obamas.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/quite-queerly/201702/three-relationship-tips-courtesy-of-the-obamas/amp

The exemplary relationship practices the Obamas shared with each other and the world, is a rare and valuable form of leadership that we benefitted from on a daily basis.