09/02/2020
“I’ve never really been one to openly talk about my life struggles or mental health, so when I was asked to write for this page, I thought that I’d just write about minor life experience and not something that actually had a major impact on my life. But then I read previous posts by amazing women that have talked about motherhood, friendship, and even sexual assault, and that inspired me to write about something that actually matters.
Not going to lie, I was scared at first, I was taught since I was little that no one cares about others lives and struggles since we all have our own problems to deal with, but throughout my life, I have met so many wonderful people that proved me wrong.
It was hard moving to a new country while barely speaking English, I was crying every day and begging my mom to take me back home. During that year I decided to emotionally shut down, and hide all of my feelings from others, a habit that proceeded until last year. Only a few close people know this about me, but I have survived 4 su***de attempts, the first one was when I was 7. And after that, it only got worse. During a junior year of college, I tried killing myself two times within 4 months. The last time I almost succeeded and actually thought that I was dying. That experience was a wake-up call for me. I started looking for psychiatrists and therapists for help and went on antidepressants. After that, I started to finally feel like myself, the world finally had color, and I could enjoy little things like nature and music. But not everything was perfect. The therapist I had, told me that my previous su***de attempts didn’t matter and weren’t real since I was still alive, and while taking antidepressants I started having terrible anxiety that I’d never had before. I am no longer taking antidepressants, but I still go to therapy (I found a much better therapist) to prevent myself from being depressed again and to manage my anxiety. Going to therapy helped me to realize that I can’t just bottle up all of my feelings and pretend that everything is fine. It still feels weird talking about it, but every time I think that no one cares, (continued in comments)