Mindful Marriage and Family Therapy

Mindful Marriage and Family Therapy Mindful Marriage and Family Therapy is a Manhattan based private practice for individuals and couples.
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08/07/2026

Maybe you agree with the “vulnerability is a strength” sentiment in theory, but feel weak when vulnerability actually shows up in your life. Here are some thoughts I have around building capacity to be with what shows up in that space. Little by little. We can’t smack a label on it when we don’t experience it that way in our bodies — there can be dissonance there. If this is something you struggle with, you may try to expand for how long you sit in seeing, being seen, being affected before exiting from it. Fifteen seconds here, fifteen seconds there. Expand. As that muscle builds maybe “strength” resonates differently. Friday thoughts!

Sometimes the choice is easy, clear, obvious. But much of the time it’s not. Confronting decisions will challenge a lot....
08/06/2026

Sometimes the choice is easy, clear, obvious. But much of the time it’s not. Confronting decisions will challenge a lot. We can spend weeks, months, years, sometimes even decades going back and forth. That stuckness is awful. Pros and cons list can only move the needle so much. Trying to assess whether something is “right” or “wrong” can be just as confusing. Because when we’re confronted with a decision there’s generally a trade off. Either choice will ask you to face something hard. Either choice will invite in some type of loss. And so, a helpful shift can be away from right and wrong and toward which you’re more willing to be responsible for. Can I stand behind this decision? Which set of consequences am I most willing to face and stand behind? I’m curious if this shift moves something for you. Let me know below.

08/05/2026

Early dating can feel like a strange blend of excitement and analysis.
You are trying to enjoy the connection while quietly gathering data about what it means.
Do they like me?
Do I like them?
Is this moving too fast?
Am I ignoring something important?
Am I overthinking something ordinary?
That uncertainty of early dating can feel so consuming.
The whisper we would offer is this: No matter who you choose, your relationship will shift from the honeymoon phase to the real life phase– when what was once “perfect” starts showing some flaws. No matter who you date, there will be challenges and quirks. You get to (and need to) decide if you can truly accept those flaws in all their glory and if the joy, safety and happiness outweigh them.
Two things we would ask new couples:
What is required of you to truly accept that “one thing” you are putting this person under a microscope for?
Can you look at everything else that counter balances that one thing to soak in all the bounty of good this partner has to offer?
Save this if you are in a new relationship!
This is part one of our whisper series with Vienna Pharaon | Marriage & Family Therapist and Alexandra H Solomon, PhD. More coming soon. ❤️

I was birthed twice on this day. Once 41 years ago, and once 2 years ago. Happy birthday, sweet girl. To share this day ...
08/04/2026

I was birthed twice on this day. Once 41 years ago, and once 2 years ago. Happy birthday, sweet girl. To share this day with you will be one of the greatest gifts of my life. 🥳🥳🥳

Sometimes we don’t know where to begin. Here’s a great place. But you might also write down questions you’re curious abo...
08/03/2026

Sometimes we don’t know where to begin. Here’s a great place. But you might also write down questions you’re curious about or ones you wish a partner would ask you and create a list together that you choose from every night (think scraps of paper in a glass jar that you pull from style). You might be able to lean right into this, but if you notice any resistance at all, I’ve got some prompts for you.

Let’s flow:

Starting a conversation with my partner is…
Sharing my dreams feels…
Initiating dialogue feels…
Asking for needs feels…
Expressing needs feels…
Creating space to hear feedback from my partner feels…
I avoid these conversations because…
What I’m afraid will happen if we have these conversations is…
I believe this because…
One thing I’ve been wanting to share is…
The one conversation starter that resonates the most with me from this list is…
Thinking about sharing that with my partner feels…
I know this is important because…
What I want to commit to is…
Naming that feels…

Great work, friends.

Their past. It can bring up a lot, can’t it? You did what? With whom? That’s the decision you made? I wish I was there f...
08/02/2026

Their past. It can bring up a lot, can’t it? You did what? With whom? That’s the decision you made? I wish I was there for that. I would have been able to support you through that better. You tried THAT? I missed the best moment of your life? The most meaningful moment? I wasn’t there for you father’s death? Gosh the list is endless. And in that list are a lot of feelings that show up. Jealousy, confusion, anger, doubt, insecurity, and so forth.

A partner’s past is an invitation for curiosity but more times than not it becomes an invitation for judgment, criticism, and comparison. The latter can easily disconnect us. “I don’t even know you!” “If that’s what you chose, why do you even want to be with me?” (Anyone?!) Or can be really activating.
But when you start to practice respecting the pause and insert curiosity to get to know those former versions, to get to know those origin stories, to learn, with an open heart, about where your partner came from, and why they operates the way they did, you get let in to the internal workings of them. You get to experience a road map well traveled. One that may not have included you, but led them to you. Whew. I know it’s hard stuff, but the activation might offer some insight about insecurity you’re feeling — and if you might be so brave to take a look it might open up powerful and profound conversations that can be deeply healing.

07/31/2026

The balancing act. This reel was inspired by a comment from my previous reel, so I wanted to touch on this more specifically. I believe seeing the whole human is vital. It’s something that helps our hearts stay open and allows for compassion to exist. Working on not seeing others through a narrow lens is beautiful, hard work to put energy behind. I’ll always stand behind that.
If a goal of yours is to lead with love please note that it doesn’t mean that that love, or that relationship with context requires you to be without boundaries, to always “try harder”, or to use said context as an excuse. We can keep a loving heart while still setting boundaries with the parts of that person that are hurtful, harmful, or unsafe. We can acknowledge the context of their life with compassion and care and also not be in relationship with them.
You don’t have to hate a person to set a boundary with them. You don’t have to hate a person to choose to protect yourself. You CAN lead with love and care and still choose something for yourself that respects the way you want to move through life. Do you struggle with this? Let me know your thoughts.

07/30/2026

Ahhh…the nuance line. This is NOT an invitation for you to say “well Vienna told me I didn’t have to have the conversation.” That’s not what I’m saying. The message I want to get across is about discernment. It’s about tuning in. It’s about knowing when your growth asks for you to lean in and speak, or to lean in and trust what it is you already know. Sometimes not speaking up or having the hard conversation IS avoidance. And sometimes it’s your greatest act of awareness and care for yourself. Your job is to know what’s driving your decision (to, or not to). Your work is in discernment and tuning in. It’s seeing what your growth and healing is asking specifically of you. There is never a one size fits all model when it comes to this work. Hard conversations can be beautiful. They can be revealing with those who can’t meet them, and deeply healing with those who can. And with those who can’t, there’s a lesson and a teaching and a learning there too. But then the work is about integrating that so that choice is on the table when you ultimately need to decide again and again what it is you’ll do. I’d love your thoughts. 💛

I know this isn’t always easy. I know it can be hard to put down battling them, challenging them to prove it, or to conv...
07/29/2026

I know this isn’t always easy. I know it can be hard to put down battling them, challenging them to prove it, or to convince you, but this will destroy relationships over time.
Now I know there is a lot of nuance in all of this. It’s fair that someone might be overly sensitive. It’s fair that someone may have totally misread or misunderstood something. These things are valid. You don’t have to even agree with what they’re upset about or see it through the same lens. But making someone prove to you that you hurt them is a disconnector.
If there’s something to clear up — a misunderstanding — great, do that. But if someone you love (who loves you too) is sharing their hurt with you, the most important thing you can do is connect with it.
Now what makes this hard? Many things:
1. Hearing you’ve hurt someone can activate you feeling like you’ve failed, disappointed, got something wrong. And if that’s been linked to shame, criticism, abuse, abandonment, silent treatment, etc, then it’s no wonder you’d want to fight back and prove your case. Maybe you defend yourself, tell them how they’re wrong in their assessment/experience. Anything to not put you face to face with that which is intolerable within you.
2. You don’t see it that way. And that’s confronting. Maybe you grew up with someone manipulating facts. Maybe you experienced psychological abuse or gaslighting. Maybe you grew up needing to prove your point, or prove your intentions. There’s sensitivity there.
3. Maybe acknowledging hurt didn’t end there. Maybe you had to pay the price. So admitting to it was like putting yourself in the doghouse for weeks. If you learned that connecting with pain actually meant YOU get punished, it’s no wonder you’d stay away.
I could write an extensive that goes on, but hopefully you get the point.
But here’s the thing - we can’t just cling to the above points. Because even if there context, that context is not going to make your relationships successful, functional, or thriving.
The work is required. Making contact with someone’s pain does not have to define you. This is relational work. Sharing your pain with someone isn’t an invitation to punish them. (Caption continued

Family secrets. Sometimes we’re told never to repeat something. Sometimes we’re told not to talk about something. Someti...
07/28/2026

Family secrets. Sometimes we’re told never to repeat something. Sometimes we’re told not to talk about something. Sometimes we’re asked to keep something hidden from someone we love. Sometimes we just watch the adults avoid and pretend that the thing never happened or doesn’t exist. When secrets are kept hidden, the message that’s communicated to us is that presentation (how others see us) is more important than addressing and honoring our pain, or the pain that the truth might cause another. And unfortunately, this message can be passed down from generation to generation, creating a cycle of shame, guilt, and hiding.
There is a profound healing that comes from acknowledging and addressing what’s been hidden. When we give ourselves permission to confront the pain that’s been tossed aside, we create space for healing, growth, and transformation. And by prioritizing our own healing, we also set a powerful example for those around us.
What secrets were you asked or expected to hide? What secrets did you see others in your family of origin hiding? What impact did that have on you? What did it teach you? And how has all of that directed your life? Share whatever you’re comfortable with below.

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