Dr. Jennifer Cox

01/26/2025

This!

12/08/2024

12/08/2024

11/30/2024

Narcissists love to ruin the holidays.

And when the narcissist is in your family, this can be such a difficult time.

Because part of you just wants to enjoy the holidays, but a bigger part of you knows you have to stay on guard.

Because this is when all the family drama and chaos happens and you can’t escape it or NOT see it.

It’s a painful reminder that your family isn't the way you want it to be.

So, why do narcissists ruin the holidays?

1. They don’t like events where they’re not the center of attention.

The holidays aren't exclusively about the narcissist, so they have to create some kind of drama or chaos to bring the attention back to them. Whether this be their sullen mood, irrational arguments, or a ridiculous request.

2. They like to be in control of people’s emotions.

If you put in a lot of energy to plan or create an event for the holidays, narcissists see these moments as times when they're losing control of people's emotions.

So creating chaos or being the victim means they're able to gain control back of people's emotions.

This makes them feel special and powerful that they have this kind of control over multiple people.

3. They lack empathy so they don’t care how their mood or behaviors impact others

People have all kinds of different emotions about the holidays - some really enjoy them and some dread them.

Maybe the holidays are difficult for you because it reminds you of a loss or how things have changed.

Or maybe you really look forward to the holidays and just want everything to be peaceful.

Narcissists lack empathy so they don't think about how you might be experiencing the holidays.

They only see it as an opportunity to gain supply in the form of gaining people's attention, sympathy, help or just generally controlling how things go.

Have you noticed how narcissists ruin the holidays?

(If you’re worried about how to deal with toxic family members this holiday season, my best-selling book can help! It’s full of insights and practical strategies to protect yourself all year long. Link in comments!)