05/21/2026
Well I'm sick. Some kind of flu. STILL coviding. I thought I got lucky this time. I either get sick or throw my back out almost every time I travel now and it's been almost a week since I returned from Maui. I am sooooo old in my body. I was trying to explain to my 73 year old sister who runs circles around me that when I turned 50, I felt like I had turned 70. Long covid is a beast. My nervous system is shot guys. Even when I'm doing good it's so easy to overdo it, because "it" has gotten to be such a small amount of things.
And when I get sick with allergies, a cold, the flu.... it's just getting sick on top of being sick. So bad I just miss my mommy......
The body aches from being sick is just pain on top of pain that's already there. I catch everything. I really should wear a mask everywhere I go but I hate thinking about the prison that is this new me. I sprained my bad ankle last summer and I have not been able to fully recover. Recovery time for anything is just s**t. It's like I slipped back in time to getting crushed in a car accident 30 years ago. I am half alive. I feel like a zombie most of the time just floating through life while everything is slipping out of my grasp, everything is too hard to handle and I'm falling apart. Unable to follow through with my goals, with the life I've wanted to create and have for myself.
Not to mention the depression, the brain fog, the lack of sense of self. The sub par lack lustre motivation and inability to feel real joy. When I get sick it just reminds me that I am wholly unwell, pretending everything is fine. But this, this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me and I'm not the same person I was before.
At least I don't sleep all day anymore. That only lasted for 8 months. And I can drive and sort of work again.
It takes a couple hours in the morning and a bath most days for me to get moving. I should def get a hot tub. Long covid seems to have deteriorated my systems health, respiratory system, immune system, etc... and since coming down with it all my ailments have gotten 10+ times worse. My chronic pain is constant, my injuries scream at me. My future hip replacement talks to me everyday. I can no longer raw dog my ADHD and PTSD. There's no masking anything. Executive functioning, out the window. I am weak. I have asthma. I have high blood pressure. I have heart palpitations and sometimes feel paralyzed for a few seconds when I stand up or try to move to fast. I can't lift heavy things. I get breathless, dizzy, fatigued. I don't know if I will ever garden the way I used to, if I will ever be able to go on elevation hikes again.
There are a lot of things I didn't even realize I've given up on. I can't even clean my own bathroom without becoming exhausted from the act of rapidly scrubbing. The frustration has made me a miserable person to be around. My self confidence is shot. My desire to be the creative over-acheiver is gone. I'm a shell of myself..... And they say there are over a million of us. 1 million sick and tired depressed disfuctional people in pain. In the U.S. alone. Lord help us all 😫😭🙄
I am going to be working on my Remedy Room, at my new studio downtown. Even though I've been getting regular Bowenwork and massages, and chiropracting and taking supplements and eating better, I so desperately need a place to ground and commit to my health everyday and just MOVE. A place to meditate, download fitness videos and do yoga. Lift wieghts, walk on a treadmill, get some red light therapy, infrared sauna, and lymphatic vibration plate action.
My time on Maui soul-lidified my resolve for positive change. For not living like this anymore. Along with working on my diet, and giving up my vices, I have a lot of procedures and tests coming up. This is going to be a lot of work but I'm thrilled to begin. Once I have the space set up and the equipment dialed in I will start seeing clients again and share my work out/healing space. Body doubling welcome. 💙
P.s. This long covid jingle is too much. Check it out on YouTube.
42 likes. "It might be Long COVID (English, captioned)"
