12/20/2025
😆
Philadelphia, THIS is a crime scene. Leaving a cheesesteak on the sidewalk like this. Nah. That’s felony level disrespect. The SCU ( Special Cheesesteak Unit) has already taped off the area. Detectives in windbreakers are interviewing witnesses. The scent of whiz is still fresh. Evidence markers are placed around every fallen crumb like it’s a high-profile investigation
Forensics is swabbing the pavement for “grill DNA.” A sketch artist is drawing the suspect, who was last seen fleeing northbound toward a SEPTA stop with onions still on their shirt. Somewhere, a Philly judge just woke up from a dead sleep whispering, “NO BAIL.” This isn’t just litter. This is a tragedy. A violation. A culinary crime. Whoever did this… you’re wanted by the entire city. SCU is coming.
And call your attorney help you if you ask for ketchup!
