03/01/2024
For the first time since moving, becoming pregnant, giving birth, postpartum, massive changes in my practice; it feels like I can take a deep breath.
I can sink in. The fog of moving and being trauma and postpartum has settled and I can start to see again.
I’ve come out of bouts of depression many times in my life, but they never stop surprising or fascinating me.
How colors are more vivid. Sounds are more crisp. There’s more space in my brain, less intensity with thoughts.
There is more spaciousness in my body. I can take a deep breath without choking on it.
Often we don’t know how heavy the fog was until it lifts and we can see clearly. The same is true for depression and trauma.
For probably the first time in my life I’m not trying to use this space to get ahead, to create something, to mine my wis immediately for someone else.
I’m relishing in the space and slowness and trying to process everything.
So if I’m a little quieter on here, you know why. I’m trying that to skip this phase. It feels important. It feels like a lot of hard earned wisdom will come out the other side and I don’t want to miss it by making it productive.
Hope if you relate to any of this at all, you can give yourself that same grace too.