Bonnie Healey LCSW

09/20/2026

In a moment like this, there are no politics, no news media, no division…we’re all Americans, and we’re all going to go do something together.

09/18/2026

So, talking about “things not going as planned”…this is me at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center today. Yes I’m fine; yes I’m still going where I’m supposed to go. I’m thinking of today as a nice little field trip into the German countryside, and that’s the most reframed sentence of the year. 😂

Seriously though, this is what I do when things don’t go as planned. I look at a bright side to the situation and then I reframe the situation according to the positives. Has today been a great big inconvenience? Absolutely! There’s two things that I really wanted to do today that didn’t happen. But on the other hand, is it possible that I didn’t do what I wanted to do and instead I did what I needed to do? Yes, that’s very possible. Is it also possible that I prevented a small issue from turning into a much bigger problem? Yes, that’s the whole point of preventive healthcare. If we’re proactive in taking care of small problems before they turn into big issues, we save ourselves a lot of grief further down the road.

Every negative always comes with a positive. The positive and the negatives really do balance themselves out. I think the trick to staying calm and happy in life is to keep reframing the negatives as opportunities to learn and grow, opportunities to prevent small problems from becoming worse, and sometimes situations that look negative at first ultimately turn into things that we’re thankful for later. I think it’s just a matter of letting situations have the time they need to play themselves out and then after the fact, you’ll always see the good in them. Is there proof that what I just said really is true? No, I’ll be the first to say there’s no proof that my way of viewing life is the right or best way. I would say that it calls for some sort of faith. I look for the way that I want to see the world and then I look for how I can have faith that even if I don’t know the outcome ahead of time, the outcome will be good for me. “Faith” is when you choose to believe in something you can’t prove, and it’s one of the hardest things for people to develop. I compare it to jumping into a pool for the first time – it always seems hard until you just take the leap and do it. And then once you let yourself go and you start having faith and believe things will be fine, then it becomes one of the easiest things you can ever do.

So it’s a nice little field trip today. I got a chance to take a short walk outside here and enjoy the fall weather, which was a nice treat before I go somewhere that’s over 30° hotter than Germany. And anytime you get something done at a hospital, you’re usually better off when you leave then when you first get there – so that’s another big positive. If I step outside of today and I look at the larger reason behind why I’m stuck in Germany in the first place, then you could say it’s so I can take care of different things before I go somewhere that doesn’t have any resources at all. So really, there’s nothing but positives to look at when I take this perspective, and this brings a lot of peace and calm to my day. I would say it’s turning out to be a good day!

09/18/2026

Two things can be true at the same time.

“I lost them”

also means:

“I got to have them in my life”

You can’t lose someone unless you got to have them first. People come and go in and out of our lives, and we always notice the loss. We get stuck on the loss. But what’s equally important as the loss is the having, and we often lose sight of that in our grief.

I can say “I lost them” and feel the sadness that comes with it. It’s a sad statement, and sadness is an appropriate emotion for it. But I can follow that statement with:

“I had them in my life”
“I got to be cared for by them”
“I felt loved and in love”
“I was chosen by them”

You lost them, but you also had them, and as we cope with the loss, we have to add balance to it by remembering what and who we once had and what the “having” was like. It was wonderful, right? You had it all, everything you wanted. While it pairs with the loss - you can’t have the loss with the “having” - remember that the “having” is also an experience on its own. You can separate it from the loss and focus on it as a standalone moment of time when you want to go back and revisit what was good. It takes practice and it won’t come naturally, but eventually you can train your mind to go towards the good memories when you practice redirecting yourself over time.

What peace it will one day bring: “I lost him, but once upon a time, I had him and life was good.” It’s a beautiful sentence to say one day when you’re ready.

09/16/2026

“Among the affective states, agitation was a far greater indicator of su***de risk than depression…90 percent of people who survived a su***de attempt reported that they had been feeling an urge to alleviate psychological agitation and pain that turned out to be temporal”

Simply put, it isn’t a deep depression that drives a su***de attempt as much as feeling agitation, that “something’s gotta give and I can’t stand it any longer” feeling. But the researchers behind this study really are right, agitation is normally a temporary state of mind, it’s typically not a long-term condition. This tells us that if we can help people get through agitated periods, we may be able to do a lot more to prevent su***de than what we’re doing right now. I think we address depression a lot and we’re looking out for it – but are we looking out for agitation and trying to help agitated people from a preventive standpoint?

We have to start by understanding what agitation is.

Agitation is a period of significant restlessness, mental distress and irritability. Something is not right, and the person is extremely aware of it. People can be physically restless, they can have racing thoughts, they can be very irritable, very stressed out, and sometimes agitation is a medication side effect that doctors need to be made aware of.  It’s not a permanent state of mind and it’s not what we would call a chronic condition, but in the moment it does feel like it’s chronic. An agitated person will very legitimately tell you they don’t think they can take it much longer. I think this is when a lot of impulsive decisions can be made and unfortunately, some of those impulsive decisions are going to be irreversible – like su***de.

When we’re focused on the symptoms of depression, we’re not going to be looking at agitation as a red flag for su***de. Truthfully, we’re more likely to look at agitation as a sign that the person has an attitude problem or they’re just being really disagreeable and we don’t want to be around them.  This is isn’t really due to us being insensitive as much as we’re oftentimes ignorant – many of us genuinely don’t know the relationship that agitation has to depression and su***de. Think about it though – it’s very irritating to not feel well. It’s very aggravating to know that you’re unhappy, but you don’t know how to fix it or you don’t see a way that it’s possible to be fixed. And when the stressors keep piling on and on, and there doesn’t seem to be any relief insight, people do eventually hit a breaking point. We all have a breaking point. I think this is why it’s so important to pay attention to the people in your life to see when they might be getting close to that breaking point so we can step in and offer support. And yes, that means approaching people when they’re not the most pleasant versions of themselves. You can’t be afraid that somebody is going to snap at you or be angry when you’re genuinely worried about the potential that they’re not able to take care of themselves all by themselves anymore.

I think this article is a great read, and this is one of the leading researchers on su***de. Definitely worth a few minutes of your time to read through.

Researcher Matthew Nock pioneered the technique of using smartphone technology to survey high-risk adults and adolescents in real time. In a new study, Nock and his team report using the technology to predict 75 percent of su***de attempts in the week before they occurred.

09/12/2026

The Social Work Interstate Compact is getting closer to implementation! Join us Friday, September 18 from noon–1:00 p.m. ET for an informational session with Karen Goodenough, PhD, MSW, LGSW, NASW Licensure Taskforce Chair and Social Work Interstate Compact Representative. Learn more about the Compact and what social workers should know as we prepare for its anticipated launch in early 2027. This session is for informational purposes only; no CEUs will be issued. Register in advance: https://us06web.zoom.us/meeting/register/Uls-dWcKR2qpcHBFa7KJEA

09/10/2026

I think I like taking advice from a goose 😂

09/01/2026

Today starts National Su***de Awareness Month. It impacts me deeply because it reminds me of why I came back in the Army and decided to be an Army social worker.

On July 6, 2007, I was out of the Army and staying out. I was in between my first and second years of grad school and life was fine. Then around noon that day, the phone rang, I answered, and my aunt said two words: "Mark's dead."

It was blunt and to the point, but how do you dress up a su***de so that it sounds better? You can't soften the blow; you can't make the news any easier on someone. It's devastating no matter what.

How it happened and why isn't something I want to share because that isn't how I want to remember him. I want to remember him as my first friend, not just in my family but in the whole world. Mark was a good son, brother, cousin, grandson, friend and also a veteran. We served in the same Army Reserve together. Not once in our entire lives did he and I ever argue about anything, I don't even remember ever having a disagreement with him. He had such a sweet, kind and gentle disposition. He was very smart too, I can't remember his MOS but it was something with computers and he always understood technology things - I can plug things into wall outlets and that's about it.

One of the last memories I have with him - I wanted to throw a surprise birthday party for another family member one year, and I had a whole vision of how it would go. I was waiting for the big moment when I would tell everyone to be quiet and yell "happy birthday" when the door opened. Instead, Mark opened the door from the outside, came into the house and Sean followed him in. Apparently, Mark was out on the front porch when Sean came up the steps and Sean asked if there was a birthday party for him. Mark just nonchalantly said yes, it's a surprise birthday party for you, and they had some normal small talk and came in the house together like everything was normal. There was no hiding, lights out, surprises - just people hanging out at my house, talking and enjoying each other's company. Mark was in the group too...not the life of the party per se, but he was there. Calm, content, relaxed - that was the Mark I knew. That's who I remember.

I didn’t intend to come back in the Army after getting out, but that summer in between my first and second years of grad school, I knew I was going to be an Army social worker. It was a combination of things - maybe I could help people before they got to where Mark had gotten to and after losing him the way I did, I definitely know how to take su***de seriously.

If you think of someone who died by su***de this month, look past the way their life ended and remember who they once were. The person you knew before things went south for them. Those are the versions of them that we remember this month, and we honor them by reaching out to other people in our lives and making sure that they know they are loved, valued and needed.

I don't think su***de prevention is about the ask-care-escort stuff, the ASIST training and so on. I mean, that stuff's nice to know but by the time most people implement it, the person is already depressed and possibly suicidal. No, true su***de prevention starts way before that. It starts with picking up the phone or taking the time to go by someone's house even when you think you're too busy for them. It starts with noticing someone is a little distant lately and going out of your way to check on them. Su***de prevention starts when you see someone who is overwhelmed, upset and anxious and you simply say - "despite everything that's going on, you matter to me and I care about you." This month, be the person who truly prevents su***de.

(Photo of Mark and I together, when life was so much simpler.)

09/01/2026

By now, most people know I’m “relocating” again for a while. Guess who else knows - ChatGPT. As crazy as this sounds, I’ve been using it to process and organize deployment-related things lately and it’s really helped. This screenshot I’m posting is hilarious - it occurred in a conversation tonight about connection in the Army, connection through online resources, etc. ChatGPT took content off the HMC website and threw it back at me. “Your own company is coming for you.” 😂

There is something special about connections in the Army. I don’t know how to describe it, it’s like you take all these people out of their comfort zones, throw them together in a strange place and tell them to figure out how to get a job done. Of course people lean on each other more than they normally would in the civilian world, and this forms some really tight bonds between people. I have a bond with my BOLC roommate and our circle of friends/classmates that I don’t have anywhere else in life. And just a few days ago, I got an email from a friend I’d made during my first deployment, he asked if I want to join his unit while they go somewhere soon - wait till I write back and tell him where I’m already going very soon 😂

But seriously - where else but in the Army is a friend asking you to take a trip into a combat zone considered a high compliment? My work was valued back then, and I was valued enough to be asked to go to a rough place with his unit now. That means something special to me that I can’t get anywhere else in life, it really is a huge compliment to be asked for by name. These connections I’ve made in the Army are so deep and meaningful to me.

So - I’m off to make more connections. For clients here at home, my schedule is up in the air this week. I may have some evening availability over the next two weeks, and then it will move into availability from 10am EST until 1pm EST, and then it’ll be that way for a while. Email always works; anyone can email anything any time as always. I think for anyone looking to schedule time with me, the best thing to do is to text me. I am absolutely taking the work phone with me, I always do. Schedules and demands can shift a lot in the first few weeks while I’m gone, and then I usually settle into a routine – I’m expecting the same thing to happen this time around too.

[email protected]
(267) 528-9061

I do have people identified at HMC who I’ve already transferred a lot of clients to, and also some who I can use us backup in case something were to come up. Our admin staff can help support as needed:

[email protected]
(267) 528-9037

I appreciate all the flexibility, support and understanding everyone’s given me. When I get deployed, it isn’t just me living my life - the changes deployment brings affect a lot of other people too. Clients, HMC staff, contracted supports - a lot of people have to adapt in different ways when I take off. This is why I make sure I’m as accessible as possible when I’m gone, I want to do what I can to help out the people I’m used to supporting myself.

“Your own company is coming for you”
…you all better come for me, because I will miss everyone so much!

08/28/2026

I guess I’m a “seasoned therapist” 😂

I was a new therapist 15 years ago. It felt like a huge responsibility, and I really was focused on getting everything right. The right words, the right direction, the right everything. I was putting a lot of pressure on myself, and I think I found control and mastery in saying the “right” things - it was like if I used enough therapy-speak and did what I thought a “good” therapist would do, then that would make me a good therapist. All my effort was coming from a place of insecurity and inexperience, and it was bound to fail. Eventually I dropped the perfect therapist routine and just started being myself, and that’s when the job became so, so much easier. I dropped the language that gave me validity and just started talking normally. I stopped worrying about the state board being around every corner trying to catch me messing up, and I just focused on doing my best with the best intentions. But most importantly, I stopped looking at everyone as a patient and started seeing them as funny, weird and amazing humans - just like me. And that was the gamechanger, that was when I saw real confidence building in me, and I think it showed when I was at work. Just being myself and knowing I was a good therapist when I was being myself is what actually made me a good therapist. That’s the key to making it work - be yourself!

(Unless being yourself gets you arrested, listed on Cheaterbusters, or the inspiration for the next Hangover sequel. Then and only then, go be someone else 😂)