08/06/2026
Someone brought it to my attention that they had been taught the Circle of Responsibility by one of my former clients ~ but ~ their understanding was completely wrong. I want to explain it so it can hopefully clear up any confusion about this amazing tool that works
wonders with children.
As you can see, there are 4 circles. IF a child does not manage their self esteem bucket (practice honesty, reliability, respect, accountability and kindness) then the parent is called to use the Circle of Responsibility. The circle starts with 1 so that the child can learn “self” which focuses on their behavior, their chores (1 for each year of age), hygiene and homework. The child must show consistent management of this circle to move into circle 2 “stuff” which includes all of the extras (snacks, favorite clothing, anything that is not required). We don’t remove food but we may not be offering them their favorites. This is an important level because it reminds children that their behavior determines their circle opportunities and consequences. Their parent doesn’t choose their consequence, their behavior does. The child has knowledge and awareness of all of the opportunities and consequences from the beginning. The parent has the responsibility of holding boundaries, applying consequences appropriately and maintaining their own bucket (reliability). When the child takes their responsibilities seriously and maintains reliability ~ they get more privileges. The next level of the circle is level 3 “friends and fun”. This includes access to friends, regular family interactions and extracurricular activities. The next level is technology (anything that plugs in). Most children are highly motivated by this level and will work to obtain access. Most parents want their child to have access to all of the circle ~ afterall, they bought the stuff, access to fun and technology. This is NOT a punishment model. This is a power model - for the child. They can have all of the circles without limitation if they maintain their bucket behaviors. This is not the parent being mean - this is the child choosing their level of access. When the child recognizes their sense of freedom and power ~ they can usually manage and maintain. THIS IS THE GOAL. Maintaining your self esteem bucket gives you a good, easy life. If the child doesn’t, they get a life full of DIS-EASE ( anxiety, anger, depression, bad behavior). If we allow our child to stay in that space ~ they will choose people who match them and that leads to a lifetime of pain, anguish, overwhelm.
Now, of course this is not the only parenting model, but I have seen thousands of children who have been “given up on” by many and IT WORKS to re-install self respect, a sense of power and control, good people surrounding them, and a return to an easy life.
I developed this model after about 10 years of working with people who struggle in one way or another (DIS-EASE) and have used it consistently for 20 years after I developed it with incredible success.
Many children have returned to thank me and most parents feel such a sense of relief to “get my child back” from what looked hopeless.
I stand firmly and hold boundaries because it is what changes everything!
Happiness = power and control which is what is restored.
No yelling. No hitting.
HONESTY.
RELIABILITY.
RESPECT.
ACCOUNTABILITY.
KINDNESS (doing the right thing - not fake niceness).
Don’t hesitate to ask for help.
I don’t quit on kids.
🌀
