04/05/2026
Do you feel a longing to be known that is not being met? If so, you are not alone, Arthur Brooks wrote in 2024: More than half of U.S. adults said in a 2018 poll that they always or sometimes felt that “no one knows them well.” But this longing to be known, Brooks says, often stems from the inattention we pay to those around us. https://theatln.tc/mQM6aLjP
The asymmetry between wanting to know others and being known by them is also known as “Poe syndrome,” a name attributed to the poet Edgar Allan Poe, who frequently wrote about his loneliness—yet, some evidence suggests, lacked interest in others. “Relationships require reciprocity,” Brooks explains. “If I don’t do the work to know you deeply, a relationship doesn’t form in which you will know me.” And Poe syndrome can be a vicious cycle: It gets worse when people are lonely to begin with.
Feeling isolated and lonely can make people more self-focused and less interested in others. But research suggests that a combination of active listening and mindfulness is central to improving the quality of relationships. To do so, there’s a simple solution: Proactively get to know people. “This trait does not come naturally to many of us,” Brooks writes, but one place to start is to be “persistently curious about others, ask questions, and listen to the answers.”
“I ask people a lot of questions about their life and their happiness. Invariably, what they tell me only brings up more things I want answers to,” Brooks continues. “By showing genuine curiosity about a person in this way, you might get a second date, repair a frayed marriage, or start a good friendship. You will also be on your way to being truly known yourself.”
Read more tips on how to foster meaningful conversations: https://theatln.tc/mQM6aLjP
