10/26/2020
Best Friend
"When we are satisfied with our life, we do not look for experiences of winning and losing to define our self-worth." ~Unknown
Lately, it has come to my attention that the things that used to upset me-no- devastate me- just don't have the same effect on me anymore. I don't get upset anymore from the little slights and disappointments from others that used to profoundly hurt my heart. As a little girl, I was told that I was "just too sensitive." Reflecting back has brought out just how far I've come.
Right from the start, I want to clarify that this does not mean that I have no boundaries or feelings—Au contraire. If anything, my boundaries are infinitely better, and my reactions much healthier. Not being overly reliant on others' opinions or needing their acceptance has made it easier to ask for what I need and refuse to take part in anything that does not serve my time or well-being.
I feel deeply, perhaps even more deeply but also more expansively. It's much easier to bend like a willow in the wind during times of difficulties or disappoints rather than getting knocked down or knocked out by others' actions.
Part of the change is, no doubt, due to the processes I've Invited into my life, the self- exploration and radical honesty I've chosen for myself. Being reflective by nature, it seemed natural to meditate, do energy work, breathwork, periods of therapy, and anything that promoted and continues to encourage self-awareness. This includes meeting my inner children and welcoming them into my awareness, learning to listen, and care for them. Doing this, I learned to trust myself and my inner knowing and understand that what others did was much more about their inner workings, perceptions, suffering, and needs than anything to do with me. So self-doubt and deprecation turned to self-assuredness and personal responsibility. There is strength in that. When there are inner strength and resilience, we don't need to 'win' over anyone or fear 'losing' ourselves to another.
"Never forget that once upon a time, in an unguarded moment, you recognized yourself as a friend."