08/07/2026
Welcome to this weeks 'Ask Julie,' where we unpack the question:
Our 15-year-old has spent the whole summer sleeping until noon or 1:00 in the afternoon. She stays up late, and despite trying to stay up ourselves and remind her to go to sleep, we are at a loss as to how to help her develop better sleep habits. It's not the biggest deal over the summer, but we are worried that when school rolls around, she won't be able to get up on time. We had such difficulty getting her up and ready for school last year, and we are dreading the start of this school year. What can we do to get her ready for this shift?
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The topic of teens and sleep is a ubiquitous and elusive dilemma for parents. While there are common observations (teens stay up too late and then can’t get themselves out of bed in the morning), the solutions can take some detective work, along with trial and error. The common denominator for adolescents is their neurobiological circadian clock, which shifts later during this developmental stage. They legit do not feel tired at 10:00 p.m. and are inclined to entertain themselves into the wee hours. I am sorry to say I have not come across a singular parent intervention that can simply "get them" to change their sleep. There are, however, some effective strategies parents can implement that can influence motivation for healthier sleep behaviors.
Frame Sleep as a Life Skill
Learning how to care for oneself is a critical life skill, including eating well, incorporating regular physical activity, and getting good sleep. Sleep is foundational to functioning well. When we are chronically sleep deprived, our mood, focus, motivation, and relationships are affected. We are much more susceptible to emotional dysregulation when we are tired, let alone chronically exhausted.
Instead of framing sleep as simply a behavior, discuss it as a form of self-care and a skill that needs to be learned and refined over time. Improving sleep is a long game. Validate that it can feel incredibly difficult to get enough sleep, especially when biological circadian rhythms shift later and there is a vibrant teen social landscape that comes alive after dark, made even more accessible through smartphones. Make these ongoing conversations, and share information or resources with teens whenever they seem receptive. While no teen wants to walk around like a zombie, it is hard to change all the habits that contribute to good sleep at once.
Most importantly, talk about your teen’s sleep habits as something they own and need to prioritize. When it becomes their goal, they are much more likely to take ownership of the change process.
Do Some Detective Work with Your Teen
The barriers to getting better sleep are not one-size-fits-all and require idiosyncratic solutions. Every teen has different reasons for staying up late and sleeping in. Find a strategic moment, such as when your teen is complaining about being exhausted, and ask whether they would be willing to share what they think is making it hard to get enough sleep. Starting with a broad question like this and gauging their willingness to engage is a helpful place to begin.
Caution!
• Remember, they just told you they are exhausted, so they may not feel capable of having that conversation in the moment. If they push back, see whether they would be open to talking again when they are more awake.
• If adults begin suggesting solutions or assigning blame right out of the gate, it is often a nonstarter for teens. Even a tone that communicates, "I told you so," or "Well, if you would just..." is likely to shut down further engagement.
Once they have identified their barriers, they may be open to discussing steps they can take to overcome them. Expect behavior change to occur gradually. Checking in periodically can feel supportive for teens, though anything that feels like monitoring or tracking their progress may derail their commitment to change.
Set the Stage
In addition to refraining from the behaviors outlined above, there are things parents can do to encourage meaningful change. Pay attention to the home environment and your own sleep routines. Creating an evening atmosphere where the house is winding down and everyone is preparing for bed establishes a behavioral current while also modeling healthy sleep habits. If you struggle to get enough sleep yourself, you can empathize that this is harder than it looks.
For younger teens, try to be consistent about having everyone leave their phones charging in the kitchen overnight (yes, yours too, unless you are professionally on call during the night). Ideally, older teens can benefit from this as well, though it becomes harder to pry phones away by ages 17 or 18. At that point, they need to learn how to self-regulate their phone use and prioritize sleep for their own reasons so they can do so once they are no longer living under your roof.
Since we know smartphones commonly interrupt sleep, create a culture at home where cell phones are put away during family interactions, perhaps at mealtimes, while watching a show or movie together, or during car rides. Again, think of these not as rules, but as regular family practices and relational expectations.
Allow for Natural Consequences
When teens complain about feeling tired, express irritability, or struggle to meet the demands of daily life, it can be tempting to correct them or immediately jump to problem-solving or blame. Here, compassion combined with authenticity can be much more influential.
Using phrases like these communicates that you feel for them and that they are responsible for the impact of their tired bodies and brains:
• "I'm sorry you feel so tired. It makes it really hard to focus, and I know you said you have work to do."
• "I know getting out of bed is really tough, especially as your body adjusts from your summer schedule. I can give you a ride until 8:00. After that, you'll need to find your own way to school, whether that's taking the bus or paying for an Uber."
• "I understand you are exhausted, and I am finding it really hard to have this conversation when you are raising your voice and making demands. We can talk about this later."
For good measure, ending with "I love you," "I'm sure you'll figure it out," and/or "I'll see you later" can help close the interaction so arguments don't continue to fester.
Seek Professional Guidance
When sleep problems persist, your teen is chronically absent or late to school, or they seem physiologically unable to make meaningful changes, there may be something more neurobiological at play. If it feels like you and your teen have tried everything and the sleep difficulties continue, it may be time to consult your pediatrician or a sleep specialist to rule out an underlying medical condition that may warrant treatment.
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Julie Baron, LCSW-C is a licensed clinical social worker, author, and speaker specializing in supporting teens, young adults, and families.
💬Do you have a question? Drop your questions in the comments or send us a message — they might be featured in a future post!
⚠️Disclaimer: The information shared in this series is for educational purposes only and does not constitute mental health care or a therapeutic relationship. For individualized support, please consult with a licensed mental health professional.
📢CTA: Need more tools to de-escalate arguments while keeping connection? Explore related tips on the Julie Baron & Associates website https://lnkd.in/dRBckHQp and in Julie’s Psychology Today blog https://lnkd.in/eBXjiVuT
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