05/01/2020
Loving this insightful message from Stephanie Grant, PhD, a developmental psychologist who focuses on and with attachment concerns and trauma histories, while bringing into her work the wisdom and realism of being foster parent and adoptive mother.
She writes: "I’ve been thinking and talking a lot about lately. How much can someone hold before it’s too much? Some of us were already at or over capacity before the pandemic hit us. Some of us still have plenty of capacity left. The amount each person can hold differs (as does what they can hold) and the amount they’re expected to hold on the regular - or how full they walk around - differs as well.
The idea of capacity explains why different people are able to respond and approach what’s going on right now in different ways. Someone with a high total capacity can hold more than someone with a low total capacity. But someone with a high total capacity that’s already holding a lot of things still may not have as much capacity for the “more” of this season as another person with lower capacity but less to hold.
In some ways, the amount of space in us taken up by the pandemic is tied to . Those of us who don’t have to worry about stressors such as home stability, finances, food availability, violence, and access to healthcare likely have much more room left for other considerations. In other ways, our lives pre-pandemic are determining our capacity for all the extra.
🥛 How big is your home?
🥛 Do you have your own yard for kids to safely play?
🥛 How many kids do you have and what are their needs?
🥛 Do you have a partner helping you care for your kids?
🥛 What’s your childcare situation?
🥛 Did you work?
🥛 Are you still working?
🥛 If so, inside or outside the home?
🥛 Do you or someone you love have health concerns that make you more at risk for COVID complications?
🥛 Do you have any preexisting mental health concerns?
🥛 Are you in a city or more rural area?
🥛 Is it warm enough to be outside?
🥛 Are you an introvert or extrovert?
🥛 Do you have access to technology and good internet?
All of those things and so much more determine how much capacity you have left for schooling, organizing your house, exercising, cooking, being creative, setting boundaries for your kids, and focusing on healthy coping skills. If you have the capacity to use this quarantine time for growth and new journeys, by all means you should. But a lack of capacity for new things or old is not a failure. It just may mean you’re already full. And it is healthy and good to say no to things that would push you over your capacity."
