Holm Counseling

05/22/2026

I have not posted in a while but that does not mean I have not been keeping busy. I have been working on a class that I will be teaching this fall and a new website holmcounselingmi.com. The website has information about the counseling services that we offer and contact information.

If you or someone you know is in need of counseling services, please have them contact us through the website. We want to help!

03/02/2026

Building Stronger Relationships — Part 6

At some point in every meaningful relationship, the other person’s challenges become our challenges — and ours become theirs.

When we choose to face life’s tasks, problems, and obstacles as a team, something powerful happens. Hurt is reduced. Blame decreases. Closeness grows.

It shifts from “me vs. you” to “us vs. the problem.”

The image captures this idea — two people bringing their individual “challenge baskets” together into one shared basket. That’s what teamwork in relationships looks like. Not carrying everything alone, but combining strength, perspective, and effort.

That mindset can truly transform a relationship.

What has helped you and your partner (or a close friend) tackle challenges as a team? I’d love to hear what’s worked for you.

02/28/2026

Building Stronger Relationships — Part 5

Sympathy vs. Empathy — what’s the difference, and why is it so important?

Brené Brown explains this powerfully in a short 2-minute clip:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZBTYViDPlQ

Understanding the difference can dramatically improve our relationships.

Sympathy acknowledges someone’s pain.

Empathy connects with it.

Empathy requires us to tap into an emotion we’ve experienced that is similar to what the other person is feeling. It’s not about fixing the problem or offering quick solutions. It’s about saying, I understand. I’m with you.

When people feel emotionally understood, connection deepens in a powerful way.

If we want stronger relationships, we must learn to connect before we correct.

I’d love to hear from you:

When have you felt truly supported?
What did someone say or do that made the difference?
And when have you realized you needed empathy more than advice?

Your experiences may help someone else grow.

Small shifts in everyday moments create stronger relationships over time.

What is the best way to ease someone's pain and suffering? In this beautifully animated RSA Short, Dr Brené Brown reminds us that we can only create a genuin...

02/27/2026

Building Stronger Relationships — Part 4

One question that often brings blank stares in relationship therapy is:

“What do you do on a daily basis to build your relationship?”

Common responses:
“We have a weekly date night.”
“We take vacations together.”

Those are great — but they’re not daily.

Here’s the reality: if a relationship isn’t growing, it’s slowly drifting. You are either growing together or growing apart.

I love Dr. Randy Carlson’s message about intentional living. We spend roughly 40% of our day working, 33% sleeping, 10% eating, and countless hours on technology.

But how much intentional time do we invest in our most important relationship?

If you want your relationship to grow, you must be intentional.

I encourage every couple I work with to take a daily 20-30 minute walk together. If walking isn’t possible, spend 20–30 minutes doing something where you have each other’s full, undivided attention.

To make it effective:

• If possible, no dogs or children on the walk
• No phones usage
• Turn off the television
• No negative conversations (build a positive association with this time)
• No interrupting
• Keep it enjoyable

The more effort you invest, the greater the reward.

I have seen marriages rejuvenated through this one practice alone.

A 30-minute walk is only about 2% of your day.

We invest so much time in everything else — and it has never been easier to unintentionally neglect the relationship that matters most.

Live intentionally. Design your day to include the person you chose to build your life with.

Small shifts in everyday moments create stronger relationships over time.

02/26/2026

Building Stronger Relationships — Part 3

Two words can either damage or deepen a relationship: always and never.

One of the first shifts I ask couples to make in therapy is eliminating negative uses of these words.

When someone hears:
“You never do anything right.”
“You’re always late.”

Motivation tends to collapse.

What they hear is: past effort doesn’t matter — and future effort won’t either.

Consider the contrast:

“You never do anything right.”
vs.
“I need you to keep trying to do the right thing.”

“You’re always late.”
vs.
“You’re usually on time — is everything okay?”

These same words can strengthen connection when used positively.

“I always feel safe when you’re near.”
“I know you will never give up on us.”
“You have always worked hard for our family.”

Used this way, always and never create security, appreciation, and trust.

Small shifts in everyday moments create stronger relationships over time.

02/25/2026

Building Stronger Relationships — Part 2

Want to boost your relationship growth? Over the course of any relationship, there are only a few moments that create truly significant leaps in connection. One of the most powerful is called Celebratory Support.

Celebratory Support is simply choosing to actively celebrate with someone when something wonderful happens to them. Let’s say your spouse or friend tells you they received a job promotion. That’s your cue to celebrate — throw a small party or take them to their favorite restaurant (not yours). The more intentional your effort, the greater the impact.

Showing genuine excitement for another person’s good fortune deepens relationships because they feel seen, valued, and truly cared for. Opportunities for Celebratory Support may be rare, so take advantage of them whenever they appear.

02/25/2026

Building Stronger Relationships — Part 1

Ever have that conversation with a spouse or partner that leaves you confused as to why they just got mad at you when you were trying to help them? As a therapist, I often get to listen to stories of people intending to help a loved one but instead cause unintended hurt. This happens when a very important principle gets violated. We can all avoid causing unnecessary hurt in our relationships by giving support before giving advice or problem solving. Jumping to problem solving can make an individual feel like you don't care about what they are going through and just want the problem to go away so that you don't have to hear about it. Instead, listen like you care and only give advice or problem solve when you are asked for your opinion.

Reality is that we often already know how to solve the problem and just want to feel empathy from someone that is suppose to care about us.

07/15/2024

Welcome to Holm Counseling. We are a faith based counseling center focusing on restoring families, along with helping individuals navigate through their lives and manage the stresses and possible traumas that they are desiring to heal from. If you are interested in seeking treatment, please email us at [email protected] and /or call/text Kim at 989-355-1105 for more information. Office hours for sessions are 2:30-6:30pm and administrative office hours are 8:00 am-5:00 pm.