05/29/2026
Here's something one of our members wrote about her life journey, which includes mental health challenges. She actually read it during our Rise to Recovery luncheon last year.
"I Met My 16 Year Old Self For Coffee:
We were both late, but I gave her a heads up, and she tried to lie about the reason, probably thinking I'd be judgemental. Little did she know, I remember how bad anxiety used to make me paralyzed and sick to my stomach each morning before work or school.
She had no idea what to order and couldn't decide at first, while I got the exact order I get- no matter where I go.
I asked her about school and she complained about being bullied and harassed from elementary and even going into senior year. I told her that it was lonely for a while, but 11 or so years later, I found a very unexpected group of people 300+ miles from home. They made me feel like I was home. It was called the San Angelo Clubhouse. Just three months after being inpatient for the 5th time in my life, I found a place that gave me the acceptance I was searching for my entire life. A place that I felt comforted at, even when people from my past life kept proving they didn't care. It didn't matter, because I found my extended family there. I didn't think the kindness was real at first, but the experiences I've had even six months later kept proving that to be true. My younger self couldn't believe that there would be people she could relate to who cared for AND understood her, especially when she didn't understand herself. I said, "I guess you have another reason to wait it out and see, don't you?"
Our drinks were delivered to our table, and she figited with the stirring stick, barely making eye contact. I looked directly at her and casually sipping my iced espresso, almost knowing what she was dying to know. She asked if we married her current girlfriend, and was in tears when she learned we did get married, but we separated 10 years after the relationship had started. I told her that the relationship made her cry so much more than leaving her did. That after all the times she stayed instead of leaving beforehand wishing for the best had only made things worse. I told her to never stop believing she was worthy, no matter how that girl made her feel. To never try to prove to anyone else that she deserved love, respect, and dignity. She didn't understand that leaving the relationship would save her life, when at the time, a life with that girl is all she wanted. I gently grabbed her hand and told her it would all make sense one day, but to keep going no matter what. Who she would meet afterwards would change her life and perspective on love and what she wanted in life in the best ways. She would meet a man, yes-a man, so kind, loyal, and patient, that the pain she once felt would even make her believe she felt it for a reason. And with him, she didn't feel trapped. That he'd make her feel like she was free to do anything she wanted, and always encouraged her to do so. Her new life was worth the wait. It couldn't have come sooner, or she may not have been ready or appreciated it.
She asked if I finally opened up that bakery and teahouse and I told her no, but that I'm really beginning to get inspired at home making things again. I told her we had a good couple years working with children, but had to redefine my life goals when my health abruptly stopped me from being able to hold any kind of job. I told her to not beat herself up for neglecting to take care of her health the next decade until things got bad, because I remember how hard it was for her to fight to wake up every day and not do what the intrusive thoughts would whisper to her whenever there was even a slight inconvenience.
She asked if her relationship with her biological mother would get better and become stable one day. I told her that I did everything I could to love, forgive, and accept her for who she was and could never be. She nodded when I told her that I chose to let her go for the last time, because I had to choose my own peace instead of hold onto unrealistic expectations of trust and connection that just never became a reality. The stress from trying to force feelings because like so many have said before, "that's still your mom" became too much. I did it in the most honest way, knowing no matter what I said while cutting that tie, I'd always still be the antagonist in her eyes. I told my younger self that this is the first time I truly felt I did everything I could, and that it was finally OK to let her go. It's the first time I don't feel like the relationship was unfinished, what's done is finally done. There's no more worrying about the what-ifs.
She asked if the depression would ever go away. I told her she would actually get diagnosed with so many more things, battle trauma, self harm, addiction, and would even go inpatient at least 5 times between the ages of 25 and 27. I didn't tell her that some of her favorite people would pass away in the next decade, because no amount of notice would be able to protect her from the agonizing grief she'd eventually feel. She looked horrified, almost knowing I'd left important details out, but I reminded her that those experiences helped her become more self aware than she's even been in her life, and would finally begin to get a grip on her mental health and have a real support system. And her parents she hid everything from would eventually become her favorite people and biggest cheerleaders. I told her that although it wasn't just her and her older brother against the world anymore, that he never stopped loving and looking out for her, even when she wasn't aware of it. She almost couldn't believe it when I told her she would eventually want to live, even during the hardest days. That she would eventually understand that harming herself wouldn't actually help with the pain she felt inside. We both started to tear up when I told her I became the safe space for others that she was looking for all those times she felt scared and alone.
She was skeptical when I brought up my spirituality, and especially when I told her the concept of believing in a higher power wasn't that scary anymore. She brushed it off, but I gently validated her and told her to try to have an open mind in her early twenties.
Before we left, she asked me how she was going to get through everything that didn't even go SLIGHTLY as planned. Especially because in her world, every plan seemed so perfectly thought out. I laughed and as we hugged, I whispered that I'd be there for her every step of the way. "
-Jess Amerson
