12/02/2025
Every family is different. Every partnership has its own rhythms, pressures, work schedules, mental loads, and sleep thresholds.
But after sitting with hundreds of parents on my table,
thereās a pattern I see consistently playing out in so many homes:
Sleep defaults to the mother. Because in the early weeks, sheās the one who can get the baby down fasterā¦ or she feels bad waking her partnerā¦or her body is already awake feedingā¦or the logistics make it seem āeasierā if she just does it.
And then, slowly that temporary arrangement becomes the long-term expectation. Just from pure momentum in the early days.
And by the time the newborn haze lifts,and partners return to work, and life gets busier, the undercurrent is already set:
Her sleep becomes optional (intentional or unintentional).
Everyone elseās becomes essential.
But hereās what I wish more families heard earlier:
No one parentās sleep is more important, not the parent working outside the home, not the parent working inside it. Everyoneās nervous system matters. Everyoneās wellbeing counts.
So if youāre waking up to that pattern now, or feeling the imbalance in your bones:
Itās not too late. Youāre not dramatic. Youāre not asking for ātoo much.ā
Youāre recognizing a dynamic that needs tending.
Start the conversation. Name the pattern. Re-balance the load.
