07/29/2026
From a new essay as I approach the 15th anniversary if my husband’s death…
“He always was, and still is, my biggest cheerleader. I can feel him smiling. He knows all about my life. He reminds me it’s okay to smile, to play, and to find some ease after all the turmoil. He reminds me that life will keep changing, and that more hard s**t will happen.
And while I don’t have control over that, I do get to decide how I meet it. He was a “there’s nothing to worry about until there is something to worry about” type of person. He was also the most curious person I’ve ever known, so leaning into my curiosity is, in a way, another way I get to continue my relationship with him.
If you’re new in your grief and this is pi***ng you off, I understand. It would have made me furious. And scared too. I would have told you that my deep longing was the only way possible to express my grief. That it was evidence of my love for him. And, it was. It’s just that my love for him and the way I love him has changed. Relationships change. And this one is more special than ever. I’m not living in the past. I’m very much in the present, and I’m choosing to be in the current. It just turns out, he’s paddling alongside me.”
▶️ READ FULL ESSAY on Sub&tack at AFGO with Lisa Keefauver.
