The New Happy

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09/29/2026

A healthy relationship requires a healthy balance: of giving and receiving, of listening and speaking, of giving feedback and taking it, of helping and being helped.

To discern your balance, you can’t look to a single day. You have to zoom out and look at it from a broader perspective. Some days, you’ll be offering more; some days, you’ll be needing more. Some days are challenging; others are joyful. The best relationships are those that are able to ride these waves — the ups and downs of living — in a way that honors both people as individuals and the relationship as a whole.

Here are a few questions you can ask yourself (or, with your partner, friend, or family member, discuss together):
• What external stressors or challenges am I or are we facing, and how are they impacting me?
• What does the balance in our relationship look like right now?
• Where might that balance need to be adjusted?
• What do I need more of in this relationship, and how might I communicate that?
• What would I like to contribute more of, or less of, and how might I do that?
• What do I need to give myself in order to be able to contribute to the relationship in the way that I want to?

These questions are powerful because they encourage us to shift from our unconscious relationship patterns into a wiser, more loving way of connecting; they help us to craft a balance that works — not just for you, not just for them, but for both people.

06/01/2026

You expect yourself to do a million things today, and to do them all perfectly, and to never upset anyone, and to make sure everyone loves you, and to do it all without ever feeling stressed or overwhelmed or grumpy or tired.
And you wonder why you're so tired.

Old Happy — our society's flawed definition of happiness and the culture surrounding it — taught us that perfection would lead to happiness, so we dutifully strive for it, day in and day out. It is an impossible expectation that only makes us miserable: not only in the pursuit of it, but in the way that we punish ourselves for failing to achieve it. When the impossible is your goal, nothing you do is ever good enough; this is a mindset that leads to burnout, loneliness, and unhappiness.

Today, I want to encourage you to look at your goals and your plans, and ask yourself: "Where am I expecting perfection, and where could I embrace progress instead?" You don't have to give up on the things that matter to you. You just need to change the way that you're approaching them. Strive to do your best — and stop striving to be the best.

05/26/2026

One of the complicated things about being a human is that we are constantly navigating, negotiating, and integrating who we once were, who we are today, and who we are becoming. How we relate to our past, present and future selves is an essential element of overall happiness.

There are three questions that you can ask yourself to improve those relationships.

Past: “How can I forgive myself for the past?”
Present: “How can I accept myself as I am right now?”
Future: “How can I envision who I want to be in the future?”

05/12/2026

You think that, once you achieve what matters to you or grow into the person that you want to be, *then* you will be acceptable.

The truth is that the sooner you realize that you are acceptable right now, exactly as you are, the sooner you will be able to achieve what matters to you and grow into the person you want to be.

Start saying to yourself, “I’m acceptable right now, exactly as I am.” Then watch what happens—how your self-acceptance helps you to grow.

05/04/2026

When it feels like your to-do’s are piling up, there’s a new stressor around every corner, and all of the problems in your life and in the world have to be solved right this second...

Fight that impulse and do nothing instead. Just pause.

There’s a very good science-backed reason to do this. When you’re overwhelmed, it’s almost impossible to respond to your challenges with wisdom and compassion, which are exactly what is needed to help you get through them. Instead, we react instinctively, which tends to lead to chaos, which makes the overwhelm worse, which leads to more impulsive behavior... a vicious cycle that can leave us feeling even worse than when we started trying to tackle the feeling!

This week, let’s do something different. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, start seeing it as a sign to pause. Take a breath. (And maybe another one.)

Once you feel more centered, use this little visualization. Close your eyes and imagine all of those tasks, stressors, and worries all stacked up in a big pile, weighing you down. Then, imagine pushing that stack over. Watch as they fall in a row across the ground. What’s the one that has fallen closest to you? That’s the only one you need to deal with right now.

Remember, you physically cannot do it all at once, and it’s unkind to expect that of yourself. Just take it one by one, picking up each item and dealing with it the best that you can.

04/27/2026

Avoiding it is easier in the short-term, but creates pain in the long-term. Facing it is harder in the short-term, but creates ease in the long-term.

We all would prefer to avoid the upsetting or painful things in life. But in trying to protect ourselves through avoidance, we often end up increasing our suffering.

The next time this you’re avoiding something that needs to be faced, try this: think about how facing it will help you to be the person you aspire to be.

For example:
* If you’re avoiding setting a boundary, tell yourself: “I’m a person with self-respect, and this is a moment to demonstrate that.”
* If you’re avoiding a difficult conversation with a loved one, tell yourself: “I’m a person who shows up to work on my relationships, even when it’s hard.”
* If you’re avoiding a chore or responsibility, tell yourself: “I’m a person who follows through on my commitments.”

This shift in focus — from the present pain to the future gain — can help you tap into your deep well of courage. Even when it seems scary, please remember: you can face this thing.

Get this post as a free wallpaper at thenewhappy.com/wallpaper-facing

04/21/2026

When you have to hide who you are... you suffer.

When you can be who you are... you can feel more joy, build meaningful relationships, and contribute to the world.

But when you are loved for who you are... oh, that’s when you really grow, in ways that you can’t presently imagine. It’s what connects you to your truest self, and allows you to step into greater and greater becomings of that self.

That’s why one of the greatest gifts we can give someone is to love them, exactly as they are. And it’s why the greatest gift we can receive is having someone love us for who we are.

04/16/2026

Other people will always have opinions about who you are. And quite often, those perspectives are ill-informed: one famous study found that it takes people just 1/10th of a second to form an impression of someone!

That begs an important question: why are you insisting on defining yourself according to someone who took a mere 1/10th of a second to judge you?

You are your own constant companion. You know who you really are. Deep down, you know that you are good, you are deserving of happiness and joy, and you have so much to share with the world. Don’t reject that inner knowing because of someone’s split-second opinion.

04/14/2026

If it feels messy, overwhelming, or hard, that doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you.

It feels messy, overwhelming, or hard because that’s how it works: it is always going to feel this way when you’re trying something new, making a change, or building something.

It’s the process of engaging with the mess that actually allows us to turn it into something else. Through our attention, we can transform it into something beautiful, meaningful, and authentic.

(Get this post as a free wallpaper pack at thenewhappy.com/wallpapers)

04/13/2026

I know that you are pursuing a goal that matters to you.
I know that it can be agonizingly slow.
I know that you persist and yet somehow it still feels like you're not moving forward.
I know that you sometimes feel confused and wonder if you're doing the right thing.
I know that it can sometimes feel so hard to keep going. I know you sometimes want to give up and throw in the towel, and do something that is a little bit easier instead.

Here's what I want you to know: you can do this.

Because I also know that you are brave — not everyone would take on this goal. I know that you are creative — you find inventive solutions to problems. I know that you are resilient — you get up after setbacks and learn from them. And above all else, I know that if you keep trying, one day you will wake up, and everything will be different.

Keep going!

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