Tania Choi Psychotherapy and Coaching

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Tania Choi Psychotherapy and Coaching EMDR, Somatic Experiencing, Ketamine-assisted and Accelerated Resolution Therapist I'm not in the business of instigating change. Ultimately you decide.

I am in the delicate and complex work of allowing and empowering it; because ultimately I believe that you have the wisdom to bring about the changes you need. I believe that change is your work and your choice: I see my my role as someone who would set the stage, in some instances empty it, illuminate what stands in the way, explore and discover with you all the options and possibilities for change. The fact that you are here, already ensures it. My job is to notice your process, reflect it and honor it. In this space, I have seen amazing change happen. Whether you are in a place of crisis, transition or trauma, the purpose of our work together is to help you arrive at a place of clarity and resolution. One of the gifts of this place is a sense of greater self awareness: where you are choosing and owning your values, goals and responses instead of them choosing or controlling you.

If you really know me you’d know that when I first started out as a young therapist 17 years ago - I did not want to wor...
09/28/2026

If you really know me you’d know that when I first started out as a young therapist 17 years ago - I did not want to work with couples.

It took my beloved mentor Don Hadlock to highlight for me my underlying trauma around what happens when I see mommy and daddy fight.

To also realize that no matter how much training I had, there was so much shame around not being able to navigate repair in a 23 year marriage.

So you can imagine the mind-f**king miracle it was for Jeff and I to now offer private couples intensive.

Not just offer but -
To actually accept the medicine we now can embody after a decade of working through our own triggers.
To have every inch of that journey serves as creds and medicine for the couple we served this weekend in our first monthly couples intensive.
To understand that what sets us apart is that repair is our foreplay,our chemistry and what drives us deeper into each other.
To describe and offer in my body a surefooted map of what is possible.

Never in my wildest dreams could I imagine I can genuinely attest to what I counsel my clients

Congruence.
It’s always been the very core of my being as a child.

To do this with a partner, fight all the way till the day before our workshop — repair, reground and recenter enough to offer the grist of our rupture as something real and valuable is nothing short of turning water into w**e.

Grateful tears for what God had in mind when he put us both together.

You’ve done the therapy. You know the story.But your body is still doing what it learned to do years ago.A Mirror Sessio...
09/16/2026

You’ve done the therapy. You know the story.
But your body is still doing what it learned to do years ago.

A Mirror Session is a focused, experiential session for people who understand their patterns but still feel caught inside them.

We won’t spend the hour explaining why you are the way you are.

We’ll listen for the place where knowing hasn’t yet become change.

What did you have to become to stay loved?
And what happens when you don’t have to do that here?

That’s where we begin.

08/25/2026

Reading the introduction.

08/13/2026

I got over 50 reactions on my posts last week! Thanks everyone for your support! 🎉

As Jeff has been working with the hypervigilance in his nervous system, we’ve both been amazed by the apparent lack of f...
08/13/2026

As Jeff has been working with the hypervigilance in his nervous system, we’ve both been amazed by the apparent lack of fear in mine.

He grew up in an environment where the threat of danger or violence was always somewhere in the air. In our first years together, I was befuddled by how jumpy his nervous system was, how quickly his mind went to danger.

I used to tease him: “Is there a lion in the room?”

He hates when I say that.

For a long time, I attributed my own sense of safety to growing up in Singapore—a country where guns and random acts of violence were simply not part of my everyday world.

But these days, as my book is about to become public, I’m realizing what took its place.

Oh, we have fear all right.

The fear of punishment.
The fear of fines.
The fear of breaking the rules.
The fear of public shame.

And, surprisingly, this is what I am up against when I wake in the middle of the night.

Oh no. I broke a punctuation rule.

A publishing rule.

A rule about how I’m allowed to use AI.

There is shame in it. Public shame. The terror of being seen having done something wrong.

And the Invisible Child in me is begging to disappear.

I grew up in a Chinese culture where public discipline and shame were powerful forms of social control. And I grew up in Singapore, where rules were everywhere and consequences were made very clear.

Now I find myself doing almost everything that part of me was taught not to do.

This book had to be self-published.

I am on the brink of letting go of governing boards.

I wrote openly about Singapore while some irrational part of me remained convinced I would somehow be fined for not speaking highly enough of it wherever I went.

Oh, it’s fear all right.

It just isn’t a lion in the room.

It’s a lion in my own head.

Maybe that is the most powerful threat of all—the kind used in abusive relationships, where the threat is used far more often than the violence itself.

Eventually, no one has to punish you.

You learn to do it yourself.
I am the lion in the room.

This morning I received a warm email from one of my beloved teachers, Hedy Schleifer about my book The House with No Mir...
08/03/2026

This morning I received a warm email from one of my beloved teachers, Hedy Schleifer about my book The House with No Mirrors.

She wrote "My dear Tania, I am sitting down with you for a moment to look into your eyes, and to say BRAVO."

I teared up just reading it. I could just feel her full presence through her eyes.
In a world where there have been so many couples modalities since Harville Hendrix's Imago, I will never forget Hedy's Encounter Container. It was one of the last containers my co-parent and I entered together before we parted ways.

Why do I continue to return to it despite the myriad of brilliant modalities that have emerged since?
Because Hedy took an age-old way of modality of reflection and insisted that it be embodied.
Way before Ta**ra made eye-gazing hip, she was the one who insisted that presence was the greatest gift we offer our partners outside of words and protocols.
She taught me to become comfortable in the quiet, and to model being comfortable FOR my clients —to watch tears pool, eyebrows arch, and bodies soften long after the words had finished.
I often tell my clients, "Before you can connect with your partner, you have to connect with yourself."
Two decades ago, years before I trained in Somatic Experiencing and psychedelic embodiment, this was the closest thing I knew to relational meditation. It tickles me pink that today her metaphor of visiting each person's country makes so much poignant sense in today's immigration times.
It is not for everyone. Yet I have seen that when I slow couples down; help them feel their own bodies resting in the chair; when I hold the safety of the room as tenderly as I know how, 9 out of 10 my couples show up likes stars.

Hedy was also the one who caught my eye roll—one I'm still catching myself slipping into with my partner today.
We had been talking about what it means to visit another person's country: their inner world, their history, their way of making meaning. With her eyes dancing, she smiled and said,
"I don't think you know this, but I am a contraband officer, and I think you have something in your pocket from your country."
I fumbled in embarrassment, feeling as though I'd been caught doing something wrong.
She smiled reassuringly.
"No worries. This is all we need to say:
'I'm sorry. I left. I am coming back to you.'
And just like that, I fell gratefully back into the container.
Thank you, Hedy, for always reminding me to be a compassionate and curious visitor.. and no countraband.
See less
https://hedyschleifer.com/

07/31/2026

An author’s reading from the prologue of The House with No Mirrors

Address

1190 S Bascom Avenue, Ste 208
San Jose, CA
95128

Opening Hours

Tuesday 11am - 6pm
Wednesday 10am - 6pm
Thursday 9am - 6pm
Friday 11am - 5pm

Telephone

+14084869098

Website

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