Marv Zauderer, LMFT

10/05/2026

Why do we sometimes hurt the people we love most?

One of the realities of close relationships is that the more someone matters to us, the more vulnerable we are to each other. Misunderstandings happen. Feelings get hurt. We say things we wish we hadn't.

A healthy relationship isn't one in which nobody ever hurts the other person. What matters enormously is what happens next.

Can we listen without immediately defending ourselves? Can we understand the impact we had, even if we didn't intend it? Can we apologize in a way that actually helps? And can we use what happened to understand each other—and ourselves—a little better?

In my work as a psychotherapist, I find that learning how to repair after hurt is one of the most important skills I can help clients develop, not just in couples, but in all of their closest relationships.

I liked this recent Psychology Today article on why the people we love most can also be the people we hurt most:

The central question is not whether we will hurt those we love, but how loving relationships absorb hurt and sometimes grow from it.

08/20/2026

We don't regulate our emotions alone.

We often think of emotional regulation -- managing our anxiety, sadness, anger, and the like -- as something we have to learn to do by ourselves. But our relationships play an enormous role in helping us feel calmer, safer, and more capable of handling difficult emotions.

This article is a fascinating look at the science of how our friends—and the people we love—help us regulate ourselves -- a point I often make in my practice (therapywithmarv.com) with clients who are struggling with self-regulation. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_friends_help_you_regulate_your_emotions

We get by with a little help from our friends, a new study finds.

08/02/2026

Great techniques here for coping with anxiety during these challenging times. I use all of them with clients in my psychotherapy practice (therapywithmarv.com), through which I work with folks who are anywhere in CA, AZ, or FL.

It can feel like the world is in a constant state of alarm. While we can’t control global events, we can change how we relate to them. Discover practical tools using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), to help cope with anxiety during uncer...

02/10/2026

Music and dance are helpful for people who are experiencing cognitive decline.

At the Singing Circle in Amsterdam, people with cognitive decline join together to lift their spirits and improve their lives.

01/12/2026

Therapy can play an important role in starting and/or sustaining your exercise strategy. I have a couple of spots open in my practice, through which I see individual, couples, and family clients in person in Marin County or on Zoom anywhere in CA, AZ, or FL. Email Marv at TherapyWithMarv dot com to schedule your free consultation, or visit https://therapywithmarv.com https://www.npr.org/2026/01/12/nx-s1-5667599/exercise-is-as-effective-as-medication-in-treating-depression-study-finds

New research shows exercise is as effective as medication at reducing symptoms of depression. And you don't need to run a marathon to see benefits. So how much is enough?

08/20/2025

One of the wisest teachers I’ve learned from, Francis Weller, has a new book — highly recommended. Check it out: https://www.francisweller.net/books.html

07/14/2025

https://www.themarginalian.org/2022/07/20/bruce-springsteen-depression/

“If you can acknowledge it and you can relax with it a little bit, very often it shortens its duration.”

03/07/2025

Know an undocumented person in need of mental health services? I volunteer to provide pro bono therapy through Immigrants Rising -- here's their great listing of mental heal resources. https://immigrantsrising.org/resource/mental-health-resources-for-undocumented-people/

02/24/2025

Have you had traumatic -- or at least highly distressing -- experiences that you think may be continuing to affect you? In my psychotherapy practice, I use a variety of approaches to "clear" distressing memories, including the Flash Technique.

Originally developed as an addition to the preparation phase of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), which I also use, the Flash Technique has been demonstrated to be effective in reducing the disturbance level associated with severely painful memories, sometimes in as little as 10 to 15 minutes. Like EMDR, the Flash Technique utilizes eye movements or alternating tapping and is designed to resolve unprocessed traumatic memories in the brain.

More info in the Trauma, EMDR, and Flash Technique section of my site here (click below):

Based in Marin County & on Zoom, Marv is an expert therapist who specializes in relationship issues including narcissistic harm; trauma & EMDR; anxiety & depression; psychedelic integration; grief/loss & life transitions & performance enhancement with clients across San Rafael, M

02/04/2025

A wonderful, first-person account of couples therapy with one of my favorite teachers, Terry Real.

It took a superstar couples therapist to help me see beyond my anger.