10/11/2022
Being late to things is something I consistently witnessed growing up.
My own extended family knew to say a certain time for when to meet and expect people to show up later because that’s just who we were.
As an adult this has become part of my identity and it was completely unconscious.
I never saw a problem with it, even in jobs and relationships. This is who I am after all. If they don’t like it they don’t love me. This is what I realized this morning on my walk to the train.
It was such an epiphany it shook my entire being.
Such a simple concept like “being late” has tied me to “being loved”.
I’ve gotten warnings at jobs over being late.
I’ve acted petty in friendships over being late.
I’ve gotten into fights in relationships over being late.
I never saw the problem was me.
I was completely asleep.
I was unconscious.
Maybe I still am.
I don’t claim to never be late again.
I’m typing this on the train and I will probably be late.
But now I’m aware of the ROOT of the pattern.
If I’m late it gets me attention and that felt like love growing up.
After all it’s called being fashionably late 💁🏽♀️
What do you think?