Ryan M. Sheade, LCSW

07/25/2026

There's room for a couple more girls in both the middle school and high school G.E.M.S. groups with Dr. Erica! Sign up before registration closes this weekend!

07/15/2026

Sometimes healing looks like becoming... less interesting.

That sounds backward, doesn't it?

But after more than twenty years as a therapist, I've noticed something.

People who are growing often have fewer dramatic stories to tell. They're no longer chasing relationships that keep hurting them. They stop arguing just to be understood. They don't feel the need to respond to every criticism. They become comfortable disappointing people when necessary.

Their lives get... quieter.

From the outside, that can look boring. But what disappeared wasn't their personality. It was their unnecessary suffering.

Somewhere along the way we've started confusing chaos with passion, busyness with purpose, and emotional intensity with love. We assume that if life feels calm, something must be missing.

I don't think that's true.

Some of the healthiest people I know have wonderfully "uninteresting" lives.

They love their families. They keep their promises. They apologize when they're wrong. They sleep well. They don't need every week to feel like a season finale.

Maybe maturity isn't becoming more exciting. Maybe it's becoming more steady. Maybe the goal was never to have the most interesting life. Maybe it was to have the most peaceful one.

I wrote more about this today. The link is in the first comment. I'd love to hear your thoughts: Have you found that growth made your life quieter?

07/04/2026

“There are three kinds of patriots, two bad, one good. The bad are the uncritical lovers and the loveless critics.

“Good patriots carry on a lover’s quarrel with their country, a reflection of God’s lover’s quarrel with all the world.”

~ Rev. William Sloane Coffin

06/28/2026

Need a speaker? Reach out.

Excited to be featured on the blog for the Dental Speakers Bureau... if you need a speaker on all things mental health, life, empowerment, or how to get along with anyone - whether in dental, corporate, education, or nonprofit - send a note!

(by Ryan M. Sheade, LCSW) When I was very young, my mom would take me to the playground. Before we even got out of the car, I would ask her for a quarter. She thought it was odd. What does a little kid need with change at a playground? One day, curious, she followed me. And that’s when she found ....

06/26/2026

When I was in sixth grade, my class had an end-of-year party that started at a roller skating rink. There was just one problem. I didn't know how to roller skate.

I begged my mom to let me skip it and just come to the party afterward. I pleaded. I argued. I cried. She said no.

So I went. I wasn't good. But neither were a lot of other kids. And somewhere during that afternoon, one of the girls I had the biggest crush on grabbed my hand and helped me skate around the rink.

What I thought would be one of the worst days of my childhood became one of my favorite memories. I still think about that day. Not because of the skating. Because it reminds me how often anxiety lies to us.

It tells us we'll be humiliated. Rejected. Exposed. But the only way to find out whether those stories are true is to show up anyway.

As a therapist, I challenge clients to do hard things almost every day. As a father, I ask the same of my children. And if I'm being honest, I have to keep asking it of myself.

Some of the best moments of our lives are waiting on the other side of the thing we almost talked ourselves out of.

What's one "roller skating rink" you've been avoiding?

Full blog in the first comment.

06/22/2026

Yesterday at Mass at Our Lady of the Angels, Fr. Vincent said something that really struck me: "It is a great gift to be willing to step into the chaos of the lives of others."

As a therapist, I immediately thought of my profession. Every day, therapists sit with grief, trauma, anxiety, conflict, addiction, and heartbreak. We willingly walk into some of the hardest parts of people's lives.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized this isn't just about therapists. It's about teachers. Coaches. Mentors. Nurses. Doctors. Clergy. Social workers. First responders. Parents. Friends.

The people who choose to walk into someone else's mess while simultaneously carrying their own. That kind of presence rarely makes headlines, but it changes lives every day.

Most of us can point to someone who stepped into our chaos when we needed it most. Someone who sat beside us long enough for us to find our footing again. And those people deserve more credit than they get.

I wrote more about that idea in today's blog.

And if someone comes to mind while you're reading this, maybe send them a quick message today. There's a good chance they don't fully know what they meant to you.

(Link in first comment.)

06/19/2026

One of the strange things about being a therapist is that themes move through my office.

My clients never know it, because they're only there once a week. But lately I've noticed the same pattern showing up over and over: people asking questions they've already spent years trying to answer.

"Why did my family member do that?"

"Why am I so anxious?"

"What is wrong with people?"

At first, those seem like important questions. And sometimes they are. But after enough time, a question can become a hiding place - because if we answer it, something might be required of us.

A boundary. An acceptance. A grief. A decision.

I've noticed that many people aren't stuck because they lack insight. They're stuck because they're standing at the edge of a truth that would require change.

Sometimes the most important question isn't: "Why?"

Rather, it's: "Given what I already know, what am I going to do?"

I wrote more about this in the article linked in the first comment.

What's a question you've been asking yourself for a long time?

06/13/2026

Many people do not know this, but today marks the 59th anniversary of the US Supreme Court decision in Loving v. Virginia (1967) that struck down the remaining anti-miscegenation (banning in*******al couples) laws in the sixteen states that still had them at that time.
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Mildred and Richard Loving were arrested in 1958 in their home state of Virginia after driving to Washington, DC to get married – because in*******al marriage was legal there, but not in Virginia. When they arrived back home to Virginia they were arrested in the middle of the night for “cohabiting as man and wife – against the dignity of the Commonwealth.” There was some belief that the police came in the middle of the night to catch them having s*x as well, which would have been another crime.
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See below for the full story. In Arizona, in*******al marriage became legal in 1962. If you want to learn more you can at: www.lovingday.org
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HAPPY LOVING DAY!

06/12/2026

One of the quietest warning signs in a relationship is not anger. It's not criticism. It's not even conflict.

It's the moment curiosity disappears.

I've sat with countless couples who can tell me exactly what their partner thinks, feels, intends, and means. Or at least they think they can.

The husband is certain he knows why she said what she said. The wife is certain she knows why he did what he did. Both are absolutely convinced. Neither has actually asked.

Curiosity sounds like:

"Help me understand."

"What was happening for you there?"

"Tell me more."

Certainty often feels stronger because it gives us answers.

Curiosity requires humility because it forces us to admit we might not know.

But I've noticed something after years of working with people:

The strongest relationships are rarely built by people who are always right. They're built by people who stay curious.

Curious about their spouse. Curious about their children. Curious about their friends. Curious about themselves.

Because the moment curiosity dies, connection begins to fade.

And the moment curiosity returns, relationships often begin to breathe again.

Where in your life might one good question be more helpful than one more assumption?

Full blog here:

One of the quietest warning signs in a relationship is not anger. It's not criticism. It's not even conflict. It's the moment curiosity disappears.Most people think relationships struggle because people stop loving each other. In my experience as a therapist, that is rarely where the trouble begins....

06/08/2026

Many people don’t know this, but I’m licensed in both Arizona and in Utah. If you or someone you know needs therapy, especially couples therapy, feel free to reach out! And if you need a public speaker for your event that can speak on all things mental health, I’ve spoken all around the US and I’m here for that too!