Tony Boer Coaching

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Tony Boer Coaching

Licensed Therapist & Clini-Coach, Tony Boer — Helping couples for over 15 years in their marriages.

10/31/2026

🚩 “We never fight!”

Sounds like relationship goals, right? Not necessarily. 👀

As a marriage therapist, this is #3 on my list of the TOP 5 things couples say that are NEVER helpful.

Here’s the reality: A healthy marriage isn’t one where you never disagree. It’s one where you can have the hard conversations, work through conflict, and come back together stronger.

Sometimes avoiding arguments isn’t the same as having a healthy relationship. It might mean you’re avoiding the conversations you NEED to have.

❤️ The goal isn’t a conflict-free marriage. It’s a marriage where conflict doesn’t destroy your connection.

Let’s hear it… Do you think couples who never fight have healthier marriages?

10/24/2026

🚩 “We should just get divorced.”

As a marriage therapist, this is #4 on my list of the TOP 5 things couples say that are NEVER helpful.

When divorce gets thrown into every argument, it can turn a disagreement into a threat to the entire relationship.

You can be angry. You can be hurt. You can even question your marriage. But if your goal is to work things out, stop using divorce as a weapon during conflict.

Your spouse should feel safe working through hard things with you—not wondering if every fight could be the end. ❤️

👇 Be honest: Have you ever said “we should just get divorced” in the heat of an argument?

10/21/2026

You want to feel heard. You want to feel understood. You want your spouse to get it without having to explain yourself a hundred times.

But here’s a question worth sitting with:

Are you giving your spouse the same understanding you’re asking them to give you?

It’s easy to focus on everything our partner doesn’t understand about us. It’s harder to slow down, set aside our defenses, and get curious about what they are experiencing, too.

A healthy marriage isn’t built on two people who always agree. It’s built on two people who are willing to keep learning each other.

Instead of saying, “You just don’t understand me,” try asking:

❤️ “Can we slow down and try to understand each other?”

Sometimes, the biggest breakthrough starts with a better question.

Save this as a reminder for your next difficult conversation.

10/05/2026

“You just don’t understand me.”

I hear this one a LOT in marriage therapy.

And sometimes… they’re right. Your spouse may genuinely not understand what you’re feeling, what you need, or why something matters so much to you.

But here’s the problem:

Being misunderstood isn’t always the biggest issue.

Sometimes the bigger issue is that neither person is slowing down long enough to understand the other.

Marriage isn’t about winning the argument or proving that your spouse should already “get it.”

It’s about being curious enough to say:

“Help me understand.”

Because the goal isn’t to agree on everything.

The goal is to understand each other well enough to feel like you’re on the same team. ❤️

09/30/2026

When was the last time you and your spouse talked about where you want your marriage to GO?

Here’s a simple marriage skill:

Ask each other:

“What’s one goal you have for our marriage?”

This question changes the conversation from:

“What are we doing wrong?”

to

“What do we want to build together?”

Maybe your goal is to spend more intentional time together.

Maybe it’s improving communication.

Maybe it’s bringing more affection, laughter, intimacy, or even faith into your marriage.

It doesn’t have to be complicated.

Pick one goal.

Talk about why it matters.

Then take one small step toward it together.

Healthy marriages aren’t built by accident. They’re built intentionally. ❤️

What would YOUR marriage goal be?

09/25/2026

One Minute Marriage Skills: Go Give Your Partner a Hug 🤗

Marriage can get busy.

Work, kids, responsibilities, schedules… sometimes we can go through an entire day without really connecting with our spouse.

So here’s a simple challenge:

Go give your partner a hug.

No agenda. No reason. No fixing anything.

Just hold them for a moment and remind them through your actions:

“I love you. I’m here. You matter to me.” ❤️

Sometimes the simplest things can make the biggest difference in a marriage.

09/18/2026

Here’s a marriage question I wish more couples asked each other.

👉 “What’s something you wish we talked about more?”

Because after years of marriage, it’s easy to assume you already know everything about your spouse.

You don’t.

Their dreams change.
Their fears change.
Their priorities change.
Their hearts change.

So keep asking questions.

And when they answer, resist the urge to defend, explain, or fix.

Just listen.

Sometimes the quickest way to reconnect with your spouse is to become curious about them again. ❤️

Try this tonight and tell me what your spouse says.

09/13/2026

As a marriage therapist, these are 5 phrases I wish I could stop hearing in therapy…

5. “You just don’t understand me.”
6. “We should just get divorced.”
7. “We never fight.”
8. “I don’t think I ever loved them.”
9. “I just don’t think we’re in love anymore.”

These statements can sound like the end of a marriage.

But often, they are actually clues.

Clues that someone doesn’t feel heard.
Clues that resentment has been building.
Clues that a couple has stopped connecting.
Clues that they don’t know how to communicate what they really need.

And this is why I encourage couples not to wait until they’re completely disconnected before getting help.

You don’t have to wait until your marriage is falling apart to work on your marriage.

Sometimes the most important conversation is the one you have before you reach the breaking point.

If one of these phrases sounds familiar, you’re not alone. ❤️

09/11/2026

One Minute Marriage Skills: Share a Feeling ❤️

Most couples can tell each other what happened today.

But can you tell your spouse how you’re feeling about it?

Try going beyond “I’m tired” or “I’m stressed.”

Tell them something real:

“I’ve been feeling proud of us.”
“I’ve been feeling disconnected lately.”
“I’ve been feeling really grateful for you.”
“I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and could use some support.”

You don’t have to have a deep conversation every time. Sometimes one honest feeling is enough to create a little more connection.

Take one minute today and share a feeling with your spouse that isn’t basic.

09/10/2026

Let’s be REALLY honest…

Making content is hard. 😂

Some days you feel inspired.
Some days you stare at your camera wondering why you’re doing this.
Some days you post something you worked forever on… and 12 people see it.

But you know what else is hard?

Marriage.

Marriage takes consistency when you don’t feel like it.
It takes vulnerability when you’d rather shut down.
It takes patience when you’re frustrated.
It takes humility when you know you’re wrong.
And it takes choosing connection over convenience—again and again.

And just like creating content…

you won’t see the results immediately.

But that doesn’t mean the work isn’t worth it.

So if you’re tired of creating, keep going.

And if you’re tired in your marriage, don’t assume tired means broken.

Progress over perfection.
Consistency over intensity.
Connection over pride.

Keep showing up. ❤️

And if you needed this reminder today, share it with someone who needs to hear it too.

Address

Sioux Falls, SD

Website

http://www.tonyboer.com/

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