Mellow Mentality Therapy

07/04/2026

05/31/2026

As blogger and high-school teacher Sarah Susa helped longtime “barn rats” put together their one-page resumes (“Times New Roman, 12-point font documents—plugging in skills and experiences using only the most active of verbs”), she realized just how much they had learned and grown through their years at Black Dog Stables.

Her latest blog is a heartfelt tribute to the generations of kids who grow up at the barn.

Read on at the link in comments.

📸 Courtesy of Sarah Susa

03/11/2026

I was doing some work, but then I got distracted so I made this instead. 👀🤩🐴👍 Shop my books at: www.elaineheneybooks.com

03/03/2026

This this this

By the time most riders touch their horse, the horse has already begun organising around the state the human body is bringing into the space.

You can often recognise it in the approach if you know what you’re looking for. In the tempo of the walk. In how quickly the hands move. In whether the breath is moving or held. In the overall quality of the person’s presence, whether their attention has arrived with their body or is already somewhere ahead trying to manage an outcome.

Most nervous riders believe the anxiety becomes relevant when something goes wrong. When the horse fidgets at the mounting block. When the transition runs. When the ride doesn’t go to plan. But the physiological conversation starts much earlier than that, and it is not happening at the level of intention or mindset. It is happening in muscle readiness, in timing, in posture, in the quality of the exhale, in how much of the body is available for feel and how much of it is preparing for impact.

This is why trying to “ride more confidently” rarely changes anything on its own. You cannot paste confidence on top of a system that is in survival. A braced body gives earlier, holds longer, grips before it needs to, and releases too late. It moves faster than it feels. It tries to control because it does not feel safe enough to wait.

To the horse, that does not feel like a rider who needs reassurance. It feels like unpredictability.

The shift is not from fear to fearlessness. The shift is from activation to regulation.

Horses do not need us to be emotionless. They do not require a blank slate. What unsettles them is a body that is saying two different things at the same time. The rider who is trying to be calm while the breath is locked, the jaw is tight, the thighs are gripping, and the nervous system is preparing for something to go wrong. There is a profound difference between a rider who is breathing and present while feeling afraid, and a rider who is trying to suppress fear while their entire system is in defence.

When a rider regulates before they engage, the changes are often first felt in the human rather than seen in the horse. The world slows down. The horse becomes easier to read. Timing appears without being manufactured. The hand stops holding when nothing is happening. The leg stops supporting when there is already balance. A different quality of conversation becomes possible.

Not because regulation replaces training, soundness, history, or skill, but because it determines the quality of the interaction those things are going to happen inside.

This is why the work starts before you touch the horse.

A five-minute pre-ride regulation

To help shift your state.

Minute 1 – Arrive

Stand still.
Feet hip-width apart.
Knees soft.

Name:

3 things you can see
2 things you can hear
1 sensation in your body

Let your eyes move. Let your head turn.
Bring your system into the present instead of anticipation.

Minute 2 – Breathe down

Hand on your ribs.

Inhale through your nose for 4.
Exhale through your mouth for 6 to 8.

Do not force the inhale.
Let the exhale lengthen.

A longer, slower exhale tends to shift the system toward a parasympathetic state, which for many riders is accompanied by a drop in heart rate, less global bracing, and a greater sense of physical availability.

Minute 3 – Release the brace

Clench for 5 seconds:

jaw
shoulders
hands
inner thighs

Release for 10 seconds.
Twice.

Teach the body the difference between holding and neutral.

Minute 4 – Find your vertical balance

Gently rock:

forward → back → side → side → centre

Let the weight drop into your heels.
Let the back of your neck lengthen.
Let the sternum soften.

Organise your body before the horse has to respond to it.

Minute 5 – Set a relational focus

This is not a performance goal.

Choose one:

I will breathe before every transition
I will move slowly enough for both of us to stay soft
I will notice when I brace and come back

Something you can return to when you leave your body.

When this changes, many riders begin to notice small but consistent shifts in the interaction. Often the horse stands a fraction longer. The eye softens sooner. The back becomes easier to influence. Transitions stop feeling like something that must be managed and start feeling like something that can be shaped.

Regulation does not train the horse in that moment, it makes it more possible for the horse to remain in a state where learning, balance, and connection can happen, if the rest of the picture is also in place.

A regulated rider on a horse that is in pain, dysregulated by environment, or lacking foundation will still meet those realities. But they will meet them with better timing, clearer feel, and less escalation. They will add less survival to a system that may already be carrying too much of it.

And that, in itself, changes the trajectory of the work.

Regulation does not replace the work.

It is what makes the work possible without adding more survival to the system.

12/31/2025

❤

11/23/2025

This ❤️

Horses don’t wake up with a diary full of performance goals. They’re not standing at the gate thinking, “I hope she schools me in a perfect 20-metre circle today.”

Their world is simpler and more honest. Safety. Predictability. Comfort. Herd. Food. Space. Rhythm. That’s the entire ecosystem of their wellbeing.

When we choose not to ride, we are not depriving them of something vital.
We are actually honouring their natural priorities.

Most days, what your horse wants is for you to show up with steady energy and a soft nervous system. They read the tension in your jaw, the rush in your footsteps, the way you hold your breath when you’re stressed. They know. And they respond.

A horse would rather stand with you quietly than carry you while you’re wound tight.

A horse would rather have a peaceful grooming session than be pushed through 45 minutes of schooling with winter wind rattling the arena boards.

A horse would rather feel you regulate beside them than feel you compensate on their back.

We often forget that riding is a human invention, not a horse requirement. What horses seek is harmony. A safe companion. Someone predictable enough that their bodies can settle next to ours.

When you decide not to ride because you’re tired, or the ground is frozen, or your brain is doing that loud static thing, you’re not failing. You’re speaking the horse’s language.

A regulated human is more valuable to them than a mounted one.

They don’t judge you for walking them to the field instead of tacking up. They don’t measure your worth by hours ridden. They care that you’re safe company. That you don’t bring storms into their space. That when you do ask something of them, it comes from clarity rather than pressure.

Some horses genuinely thrive when riding takes a step back for a little while. Their bodies get a breather. Their minds get space. Their relationship with you gets to be about connection rather than task.

If you’re showing up kindly, you’re doing enough.
If your horse is eating well, moving freely, living in a routine that makes sense to them, you’re doing enough.

And in the quiet seasons, the bond often grows deeper. Because horses remember who sits with them in the stillness.

09/12/2023

This is how Mellow felt about getting a massage yesterday aka his “Lisa time” 🤣 apparently it was long overdue. Thank you Lisa for always making my boy feel his best 🫶🏻❤️