ARK Counseling Ltd.

07/30/2026

05/10/2026

The cycle of s*xual pain:

1. Anticipation of pain: an internal alarm goes off to protect you from pain and harm.

2. Involuntary reaction: the body braces and protects from that which causes pain. This is an adaptive, self-protective mechanism and it makes sense.

3. Painful s*x: this is typically due to whatever the source of the pain is plus the involuntary (automatic) tension and bracing for pain, which can unintentionally exacerbate the painful experience.

4. Pain reinforces: painful s*x reinforces the body’s learned reaction, to avoid the experience or to tense up when s*x is attempted.

5. Retention: the body files away the experience as negative. S*x + pain teaches the body that s*x is not pleasurable, is painful, and isn’t something worth doing.

6. Avoidance: s*xual intimacy can become avoided and low s*xual desire may develop, since having s*x is painful and uncomfortable. Again, this makes sense.

This information is from the website: vaginismus.com. The cause of some people’s v*ginal/s*xual pain could be due to a condition called vaginismus, which is involuntary v*ginal muscle contractions with attempts at pe*******on. It could also be from dozens of other conditions. Regardless of the source of the pain, the cycle seems to be similar.

If you have a v*lva/v*gina and experience pelvic/s*xual pain, I highly recommend seeing a s*xual medicine specialist. You can find a provider here: isswsh.org. I also recommend seeing a s*x therapist who is knowledgeable in treating s*xual/pelvic pain.

Recommended reading: When S*x Hurts by Goldstein, Pukall, and Goldstein, and Krapf.

Disclaimer: Content is for educational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. Please only do what’s best for you and your situation. My posts don’t speak to situations of abuse, active addiction, or certain mental health conditions. Please excuse the spelling. It’s to get around a medium that isn’t friendly to this type of educational content.

04/08/2026

Consent is not the absence of “no.” It’s the presence of a clear, mutual, and ongoing “yes.”

Without consent, there isn’t safety, trust, or intimacy. Clear, ongoing consent protects emotional/physical safety, builds respect, and creates a space where people can experience pleasure and connection.

Disclaimer: Content is for educational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. Please only do what’s best for you and your situation. My posts don’t speak to situations of abuse, active addiction, or certain mental health conditions.

04/07/2026

Hello all!
I have some openings in my schedule! Please feel free to reach out or share this information if you are interested!

04/05/2026

Among so many other things that therapists can and can’t do. What would you add?

Disclaimer: Content is for educational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. My posts don’t speak to situations of abuse, active addiction, or certain mental health conditions.