09/03/2026
Death of a Pastors wife…
Did this hit too close to home for you? TOMORROW I’m posting a video with Christi Lile answering YOUR questions and discussing from a counselors perspective .. I had to walk outside to cry after I watched this.
So many thoughts. Such a mixture of emotions. I feel heartbroken and grieved in the spirit because I know first hand Micas story is not all that rare.
The World Health Organization (WHO) reports that about 1 in 3 (31.6%) women worldwide experience physical and/or s*xual intimate partner violence or non-partner s*xual violence in their lifetime.
The average woman attempts to leave 7 times before finally leaving for good IF she leaves.
When a woman decides to leave is the MOST dangerous time. Isolation feeds this danger and the power and control dynamic created by the abuser is designed to keep us stuck, keep us coming back and keep us from walking in our true purpose and gifting for the Kingdom
Of God. 1 Corinthians 12:25–26 saysThere should be “no division in the body,” and “if one part suffers, every part suffers with it.”
We saw this over and over again in Micas story… her light, her voice, her gift of ministering stomped out and snatched away by the plan of the enemy, all disguised as biblical truth and Christian leadership.
I know what it feels like to be so riddled with shame and guilt that you can’t move, covered by a blanket of condemnation day in and day out. That shame is actually not ours to carry ….but you can’t see that in the midst of the chaos and turmoil. That’s the enemies plan.
Romans 8:1 says “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” And Romans 8:33–34 says “Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns?”
So many of us have such deep hearts that long to serve, submit and be a good wife and that gets manipulated, exploited, twisted and weaponized.
When the system fails a woman time after time who needed protection. When the church re-injures an abuse victim who is desperate for someone, anyone to step up and speak against the depravities being committed against one of their sisters in Christ. We ALL should be furious.
Psalm 82:3–4 says “Defend the weak… Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked.”
I see this all the time, it’s the work I do as a biblical trauma counselor, it’s the entire “why” behind Eyes To See Ministry and it was a reality I also lived, experienced and barely survived.
This documentary is not one woman’s story, it’s not something to watch and say “aw. What a shame”. It’s something to take as an instruction manual of warning, signs and tactics to pay attention to and KNOW our enemy. The enemy isn’t always outside of the church, wolf in sheep’s clothing are all around us.
Matthew 7:15–16 says “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them.”
The fear of judgement and feeling like we are already failing as “good Christian wives” is a LIE the devil uses to keep us stuck, keep us debased and keep us confused. John 8:44 says Satan “is a liar and the father of lies.”
I look back at the MANY years spent in my prayer closet begging God to fix me, make me more submissive, help me hold my tongue, fix my s*x drive and help me to be more passionate towards my husband… all prayers in true desperation to serve someone who was not answering to God, someone who used God to control and manipulate me. Someone who treated me like the enemy, who made me small, who dimmed my light and hated my spirit. The wolf. The confusion. The scripture twisted and bible weaponized…..BUT GOD.
Out of pain and suffering a ministry was born and we CAN NOT and WILL NOT be silent about this. Too many of my brothers and sisters are on this sinking ship that is opression and abuse disguised as obedience to God. That is not God. He does not call us to this, we do not “deserve” this. Everything about us in this time is chaotic, disordered and evil. 1 Corinthians 14:33 says “For God is not a God of disorder but of peace.”
I remember thinking I was being punished and that I deserved it. I remember thinking this was my cross to bear… I needed punishment, I needed to be corrected. I was a sinner after all, I was too outspoken of a woman after all, I needed to be put in my place and this must be the way God saw fit to do so.
No. Matthew 16:24 gets weaponized and concerns denying oneself for Christ and following Christ. It is not a command to submit to another person’s sin against you. Ephesians 5:11 actually commands the believer regarding evil and tells us “Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.”
I wish I could hold my old self and tell that sweet girl she deserved none of this and nothing she did gave another human the right to beat her down, stomp her out and yield power and control over her. I wish I could get inside her mind and correct her thinking. Knowing now the TRUTH to combat the thousands and thousands of lies that she was tormented with daily from voices in her head and reinforced by her oppressor. I can’t go back and love myself more or see myself through Gods eyes in all the many moments of brokenness.
BUT what I CAN do now… I can reach back into that fire and pull as many people out of that pit as will let me. I can speak truth, educate, reveal and rely on God and the Holy Spirit to guide my path of exposing. We all have a ministry, we are the ministry.
Tomorrow Christi and I are going to do a deeper dive video about coercive control… a term I had NO language for when I was in it. But when I one day learned this, it explained so much. I hope someone reading this will also be set free. What we call love, what we call submission, what we call obedience is being distorted and Hod wants TRUTH revealed to His people. 1 John 3:18 says “Let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.”
We will discuss the correlations in Micas story and so so many women’s including our own.
I’ll never forget my eyes being opened all started slowly at first.. small validations of my experience that I couldn’t find the words for at the time.
I feel in my spirit this documentary is going to set some women free. I feel some have watched this and somethings have hit just a little too close to home and maybe you are curious. Maybe you are feeling confused… confusion is the enemies key to this. Maybe you want clarity about something you heard, saw or felt when you watched this. If so, I encourage you to put your questions in the comments here or personal message me and we will answer your questions tomorrow on the video.
If you know you are experiencing abuse, you HAVE to break the isolation. I didn’t call what I was experiencing “abuse” until I was almost out…that term truly never crossed my mind. It didn’t make the reality of what it was any less true. You are not alone. You are not called to oppression. Reach out and please call or text us at Eyes To See ministry or message me personally. 785-260-7837. I love you ❤️
Isaiah 42:6-7
“I, the LORD, have called you in righteousness; I will take hold of your hand. I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people and a light for the Gentiles, to open eyes that are blind, to free captives from prison and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness.” Netflix
