10/02/2026
"Why do so many relationships fail? Because we don't know how to love without fear and we don't know how to experience real love and connection apart from our ego.
Our ego is our false sense of self, an identity created by our environment; it's who we think we are supposed to be in order to fit in, gain acceptance, approval and validation from others so that we can belong to our group or society. Belonging to a society is part of our survival instinct, our society helps protect and support us. However, our ego is not who we really are, it's who we were taught to be. If you had been born in a different country, a different society or culture, your ego would be completely different; who you would believe yourself to be and what you would desire would be very different.
The nature of our ego is to conform and comply, if we resist or rebel, then we risk becoming an outcast. That makes our ego fear based, dependent on and addicted to the approval and acceptance of others. That also means that our ego can be a coward and a bully; coward for needing the acceptance of others more than our own, for giving in and conforming instead of standing up for who we want to be. Our ego then "bullies" us (and others) when it doesn't get the validation, attention or acceptance it needs by criticizing shaming or blaming (that's the judgemental voice in your head).
So, while the ego allows us to fit in and excel in society, it can not be what leads us if we want a loving relationship because a relationship can only be healthy if it is built on trust, vulnerability, honesty, empathy and acceptance of each other's true self. The ego doesn't experience real love or empathy, rather, it craves in a selfish and possessive way and fears loss, rejection and abandonment. We must choose whether we will live in fear or live in love.
If we want to experience true love, then we must love with our true self. We can't love through fear, we can't be a coward in love. Only the courageous experience an epic love."
-Joel Clemons