06/05/2026
After my Dad died in a car accident, people often asked, "How are you?" I knew they cared and meant well, yet that question brought up anger and frustration. My son was 9 months old, I wasn't sleeping, was in shock and had no words.
These were people who I cared about, and I knew cared about me. They weren't doing anything wrong, but my grief felt so much bigger than that question. At times, I found myself avoiding places that had once brought connection, because I did not want to be faced with having to find the words to answer, "how are you?"
Over the years, both personally and professionally, I have come to value and appreciate a different question: "How can I love and support you?"
It doesn't require the person to explain or grade their grief. It simply communicates that I am here and you don't have to carry this alone.
If someone you love is grieving, know that your presence matters far more than having the perfect words.