Growth for Living Counseling

Growth for Living Counseling Deb Kincade, LPC, ACS, working with you to create meaningful change that inspires, heals, motivates and strengthens you.

Have you scheduled time to rest this week? Here's a reminder... take good care!
08/11/2026

Have you scheduled time to rest this week? Here's a reminder... take good care!

Which is harder for you: making the decision or trusting it after you've made it? We want reassurance that we are making...
08/09/2026

Which is harder for you: making the decision or trusting it after you've made it? We want reassurance that we are making the right decision. But life rarely gives us that kind of certainty.

Sometimes we move with questions still unanswered. We take one small step, pay attention to what we learn, and then take another.

You don't have to see the whole road to begin. What might be your next step?

Life is an adventure, you've got this!

Grief has a way of keeping our mind moving in circles. The same thoughts. The same questions. The same "what ifs." One o...
08/07/2026

Grief has a way of keeping our mind moving in circles. The same thoughts. The same questions. The same "what ifs."

One of the simplest exercises I recommend to people who are grieving is also one of the one of the most meaningful. For three mornings, take a pen and a few sheets of paper. Set a timer for 15 minutes. Then simply write.

Don't worry about making sense. Don't edit yourself. Don't try to write something profound. Just let your hand keep moving.

There is a growing body of research suggesting that handwriting engages the brain differently than typing. It slows our pace, encourages deeper reflection, and helps us process complex emotions in a more meaningful way. Instead of simply recording our thoughts, handwriting often helps us discover them.

This week, a client came back after trying this exercise. He told me he was amazed by how different it felt from typing. The words, emotions, streams of remembrance that emerged weren't the ones he expected. He described the experience as deeply cathartic. That didn't surprise me.

I've watched this happen with many grieving people over the years. Something shifts when we slow down enough to put pen to paper. We begin to notice connections, emotions, memories, and beliefs that often remain just beneath the surface when we're only thinking about them or talking them through.

If you're carrying grief today, whether it's the loss of someone you love, a relationship, your health, or the life you thought you would have, I hope you'll give yourself those 15 minutes.

Not to fix your grief.
Not to rush your healing.
Just to make a little space for whatever needs your attention today.
Sometimes that's where healing quietly begins.

If you're willing, I'd love for you to try this over the weekend. Fifteen minutes. A pen, a blank page, and a little curiosity. If you do, come back next week and let me know what you noticed! Take care...

One of the hardest truths we face in therapy is this: We cannot do someone else's healing. We can...Love them.Encourage ...
08/06/2026

One of the hardest truths we face in therapy is this: We cannot do someone else's healing. We can...

Love them.
Encourage them.
Pray for them.
Walk alongside them.

Yet we cannot do their work for them.

When someone else's words or behaviors leave us feeling hurt, angry, unseen, or anxious...pay attention. Those reactions often point us toward something that needs to be tended to within ourselves.

What hurts here?
What old story might this be touching?
What long standing pattern has been activated?

When we begin meeting those places with honesty, curiosity and compassion, something shifts and softens within us. We become less consumed with trying to manage other people and more grounded in understanding ourselves.

I'm curious...Have you ever experienced a moment when you stopped waiting for someone else to change and realized you had changed instead? What helped you get there?

Have you ever walked away from an argument thinking, "How did we get there!?" The conversation may have begun by talking...
08/05/2026

Have you ever walked away from an argument thinking, "How did we get there!?" The conversation may have begun by talking about what happened:

A missed text or call.
A misunderstood comment.
A disagreement over plans.

Underneath, the conversation quietly becomes about something much deeper.

"Are we okay?"
"Do you understand why this hurt?"
"Can we respect one another even when we disagree?"

Facts have their place, they matter. Yet emotional connection is what allows those facts to be heard. The next time you find yourself in a conflict, consider slowing the conversation instead of speeding it up.

What might change if your first goal wasn't to explain your perspective, but to reflect back understanding?

That one small shift can change the direction of a relationship.

One of the things I talk about in grief work is that we don't simply grieve with our hearts. We grieve with our whole mi...
08/04/2026

One of the things I talk about in grief work is that we don't simply grieve with our hearts. We grieve with our whole mind and body.

The people we love become woven into the very fabric of our lives. Our minds and bodies come to expect their voice, their touch, their routines, even the smallest moments we never consciously noticed.

So, when they are gone, it isn't just deep emotional pain, it is deeply disorienting. That's why healing rarely happens all at once.

Grieving is learning. Learning a new way to move through the world. Our nervous system has to adjust to a world, to day to day life, that no longer looks or feels the way it once did. And that takes time.

So, if life has begun to quietly peek back in, through a pleasant memory, a gentle conversation, a moment of unexpected peace, lean into it.

You are not forgetting your person. You are learning a new way to hold your love for them while tending to your grief.

Grief isn't asking you to choose between remembering and living. There is room for both.

Have you ever wondered why healthy change can feel so hard? I talk about this almost every day. Our mind & body are cons...
08/03/2026

Have you ever wondered why healthy change can feel so hard? I talk about this almost every day.

Our mind & body are constantly communicating, one big loop. When we begin doing something differently: setting a limit, asking for help, grieving honestly, changing a long-standing habit, etc...we are teaching our nervous systems a new way, a new pattern.

And that can be WILDLY UNCOMFORTABLE.

Our nervous system naturally holds onto what's familiar, not because that is what is best for us, but because it is what it has learned to expect.

Every time we choose a different way, a different response we are teaching our nervous system a new pattern. With consistency & adaptability, what begins by feeling so wildly uncomfortable, can begin to feel natural.

Growth often begins just beyond what feel's familiar. You've got this!

Many of us will walk into a place of worship this morning, have brunch with family, hang out by the pool or at the shore...
08/02/2026

Many of us will walk into a place of worship this morning, have brunch with family, hang out by the pool or at the shore with friends.

We will exchange smiles, hugs and handshakes and hear the all too common question, "How are you?" Most people will answer, "I'm good" or a simple "fine" ... some will mean it, others won't.

One of the greatest misconceptions about depression is that you can always recognize it. You can't

Slow down, ask "how are you...really?" and listen long enough to hear the answer. Because sometimes that smile is genuine and sometimes it is just trying to help someone get through the day.

Look beyond the smile...

Expectations. We all have them. And our emotions are so tightly intertwined with them. Expectations of how the day will ...
08/01/2026

Expectations. We all have them. And our emotions are so tightly intertwined with them.

Expectations of how the day will go...
How the vacation will go...
How someone will respond...
How our spouse, children, friends, colleagues will understand us...

Most of the time we don't even realize we are carrying those expectations until things go sideways.

That is often when frustration, hurt, disappointment, or anxiety show up. Our emotions aren't the enemy; they point us toward something and give us info...what we hoped would happen and what actually did.

Awareness gives us the opportunity to respond with curiosity instead of simply reacting. And that small shift can not only change the rest of your day, sometimes it can change the direction of a relationship.

What was I expecting?

You may find that small question opens the door for greater understanding, more compassion, for yourself and those around you...and a little more peace.

Happy Saturday!

Every day, I sit with people who are carrying an inner narrative that quietly shapes how they see themselves, others, an...
07/31/2026

Every day, I sit with people who are carrying an inner narrative that quietly shapes how they see themselves, others, and their future. Over time these thoughts can feel like facts.

"It's too late for me..."
"I am always going to feel this way..."
"I'll never get through this, or past this..."
"What if I fail..."

And yet, these thoughts are not facts. One of the most powerful questions we can ask ourselves is:

Is this reality...or is this simply a narrative I have been repeating to myself for years? Check the facts...

Shifting our inner narrative takes gentle consistency, it doesn't change overnight, wouldn't that be nice!

So today, pause for a moment...

What's renting space in your head today?

Address

775 Mountain Boulevard, Suite 107
Watchung, NJ
07069

Opening Hours

Monday 8am - 8pm
Tuesday 1pm - 9pm
Wednesday 8am - 9pm
Thursday 1pm - 9pm
Friday 9am - 5pm

Telephone

+19083422463

Website

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