Unfilteredd: Narcissistic Abuse

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My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse ❤️‍🩹
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07/30/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

They're not trying to understand you.

They're trying to find something to use against you.

They start by asking a reasonable question.

"Why'd you pull that out?"

But instead of accepting your answer, they keep asking more questions.

"Why?"

"It's been there for months."

"So why today?"

Doing this helps them get more information to work with.

Then they say or do something to put you on the defensive.

"It's nine o'clock."

"Do you think the neighbors want to listen to you dragging an oven across the floor?"

If you try to justify, argue, defend, or explain your actions:

"I'm not dragging it."

They start picking apart what you said.

"Then how'd you get it away from the wall?"

So now the conversation has turned into a confrontation.

Which is exactly what they want because now they can do things that make them feel powerful and in control, like:

– Call you names.
– Scream at you.
– Make you feel stupid.
– Twist your words.
– Attack who you are.
– Threaten you.
– Compare you to others.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

07/29/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

When a narcissist says something like:

"I wouldn't have [fill in the blank] if you didn't [fill in the blank]."

They're trying to blame you for something they did.

Why?

They don't want people to see them in a negative light.

They want to be seen in a positive light or as the victim.

So when you confront them about something they did, they try to pin it on you.

For example:

"I wouldn't have [fill in the blank] if you didn't [fill in the blank]."

Said differently:

"It's not my fault I [fill in the blank]. It's your fault."

This tactic has a name.

It's called blame-shifting.

And when I feel like someone is doing it to me, one thing I have found helpful is to ask myself this: "If [name of someone I love] was in this exact situation, would I blame them too?"

If the answer is yes...

Okay.

Nobody is perfect.

All I can do is own up to my part and apologize.

But if the answer is no...

I make a mental note that this might be blame-shifting...

And I disengage from the conversation.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

07/28/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

Imagine you confront someone with:

"You called me stupid."

Option A:

They agree that's what happened.

When they do that, they're expected to apologize.

That usually means:

Admitting what they did.

Acknowledging how it affected you.

Trying to make things right.

Things like that.

Option B:

They deny that's what happened.

When they do that, all of those expectations from Option A disappear.

They don't have to apologize.

They don't have to make things right.

They don't have to change.

They can just keep living their life.

Which option do you think a narcissist is going to choose?

Option B.

Why?

Because Option A means admitting they did something wrong.

And admitting they did something wrong threatens the "perfect," always-right, better-than-everyone image they have of themselves.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

07/22/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

Why do they hate your happiness so much?

It depends.

They want to be the center of your attention. So when you're engaged in something that doesn't involve them, some narcissists don't like that shift in attention.

They become suspicious when they aren't included. They may wonder, "Who are you talking to?" or "Are you making fun of me?"

Your happiness reminds them that you have thoughts, feelings, and experiences that exist independently of them.

There are just so many different possibilities, but to make a long explanation short...

When you’re happy or laugh on your own, you're having an emotional experience that they didn't create, aren't participating in, and can't predict.

So they interrupt it.

Sometimes with a stare.

Sometimes with a sarcastic comment.

Sometimes with a question.

Sometimes by blowing up at you.

Because your happiness represents a moment where you're emotionally engaged in something that has nothing to do with them.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

07/21/2026

Hi, it’s Juliana!

They're using debt, playing the victim, and labeling to manipulate you.

"After everything I've done for you!"

That's the debt.

They're trying to make you feel like you owe them.

"This is how you treat me?"

That's playing the victim.

They're trying to make you feel like a bad person.

"You're the most selfish piece of sh*t I've ever met."

That's the labeling.

They're trying to make you feel like you're the problem.

Why?

Because if you think you owe them...

Or that you've done something wrong...

Or that there's something wrong with you...

You're not going to set boundaries.

You're not going to hold them accountable.

You're not going to stand up to them.

You're going to repay them.

You're going to apologize.

You're going to do everything you can to fix what you think is wrong with you.

And that's exactly what narcissists want.

Because if you think you're the problem...

You'll never see them as the problem.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

07/20/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

Your crying is treated like a bug that needs to be fixed instead of a feeling that needs to be understood.

Because when the narcissist in your life looks at you, they don't think, "There's a human being," they think, "There's my phone."

Let me explain...

You don't care about who your phone is.

You care about what your phone can do for you.

Said differently...

You don't care about your phone's thoughts, feelings, and dreams.

You care about its ability to call, text, and scroll social media.

Because it's not a person, it's a tool you get to use to get your needs met.

And narcissists often see the people in their lives the same way.

They don't care about you, they care about what you can do for them.

So when you start crying, they're often not concerned.

They're frustrated.

Because why on earth is a phone crying?

They're not supposed to cry.

They're supposed to do what I tell them to do.

And I didn't tell them to do this.

That's the mentality.

And it's why I say your crying is treated like a bug that needs to be fixed instead of a feeling that needs to be understood.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

07/18/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

The biggest problem narcissists have is how they see themselves.

They act like they love themselves more than anyone else.

But that isn't true.

They hate themselves.

They feel like they're not good enough.

They feel like they are a total failure.

They feel like no one could ever love them.

But they don't know how to work through those feelings.

So they just pretend they don't exist.

And one of the ways they do that is by acting like you can't do things on your own.

You can think of it like them slowly closing their eyes.

The more they...

Make decisions for you without asking.

Tell you you're doing it wrong.

Act surprised when you do something well.

Act like you need their help even when you don't.

Redo your work after you're done.
..the tighter they close their eyes.

Until eventually...

They can't see themselves anymore.

It's just pitch black.

And the only thing they have left...
..is their imagination.

Which is exactly where they want to be.

Because in their imagination...

They can be whoever they want to be.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

07/12/2026

Hi, it’s Juliana!

They use labels to shift the focus from what they did to how you reacted.

When you say something like:

“You hurt my feelings.”

The focus of the conversation is on them.

They’re expected to acknowledge what they did and apologize for it.

But they don’t want to do this.

Because acknowledging they hurt someone would threaten the way they see themselves.

If you didn’t know this already, narcissists hate themselves.

But they don’t know how to work through that hate.

So instead of just sitting in it, they create a version of themselves they can love.

You can think of it like wearing a mask.

They don’t like the way they look.

So they put on a mask that makes them look perfect.

And this allows them to look into the mirror and see someone they love instead of hate.

But it also is the reason they can't acknowledge they hurt you.

Because perfect people don't hurt others.

They don't:

Lie.

Manipulate.

Intimidate.

Control.

Or abuse people.

So they can't own up to any of that.

Because doing so would force them to remove the mask they need to love themselves.

So what they do instead is slap a label on you.

You're too sensitive

You're too emotional

You're being dramatic.

Because now the focus of the conversation is on your reaction.

Meaning they don’t have to acknowledge what they did.

Because you’re too busy defending, explaining, or justifying how you responded.

So you're not actually too sensitive or anything like that.

They're just trying to shift the focus from what they did to how you reacted so they can keep their mask on.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

07/11/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

Can a narcissist love you?

I think this is the wrong question to ask.

Why?

There isn't a universal definition for love.

What's loving for one person might not be loving for the next.

It's something we all define differently.

So if you ask if the narcissist in your life loves you... the answer might be "yes."

But what exactly does that mean to them?

Your guess is as good as mine.

So I think the better approach is to first think about what love means to you.

What does it mean to love someone?

Then ask:

"Does the way they treat me match my definition of love?"

Because that's a question you can actually answer.

If you ever need someone to talk to, or help with what you're going through, you can send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

07/10/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

I'd like to share an exercise that helped a woman I know stop missing the good side of the narcissist.

The Color Inventory

Step 1: Identify the “colors” they brought into your life.

I’m not talking about red, white, and blue.

I’m talking about the way they made you feel during the good moments.

You can do this by completing the following sentence:

“When things were/are good, they made/make me feel ___________.”

The woman I mentioned had things like:

Seen
Adored
Alive
Safe
Special

Step 2: Identify the emotional need underneath each “color.”

You can do this by completing the following sentence:

“Feeling ______ made me feel ______.”

For example, one of her colors was feeling seen.

She wrote:

“Feeling seen made me feel like someone finally saw who I really am.”

Step 3: Start replacing those colors.

How can you meet this underlying need without going to them?

The woman I keep mentioning did this by joining a poetry group.

She wrote pieces about the parts of herself she usually hides.

A couple months in, she posted this update in our group:

"I'm glad I didn't back out because standing up there, reading my story, and hearing people snap their fingers made me feel more seen than I ever did in that relationship."

​Is this a complete solution to not missing them?

No.

But oh my gosh, it can help a lot.

If you ever need someone to talk to, or help with what you're going through, you can send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

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