Page Rutledge, LCSW, CHt

09/01/2026

September marks 30 years since The Gottman Institute was founded by Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Gottman.

In honor of their anniversary, here are 30 things they have learned about love in 30 years:

1. Friendship is the foundation of lasting love.
2. Knowing your partner’s inner world matters.
3. Fondness and admiration protect connection.
4. Small moments can make a big difference.
5. Turning towards each other builds trust over time.
6. Happy couples still disagree.
7. How you fight matters more than whether you fight.
8. 69% of relationship problems are ongoing, or perpetual.
9. Not every disagreement needs to be solved.
10. Understanding can be more valuable than agreement.
11. Gentle beginnings lead to better conversations.
12. Criticism attacks the person, not the problem.
13. Defensiveness makes resolution harder.
14. Contempt is extremely damaging to relationships.
15. Shutting down is often a sign of overwhelm, or flooding.
16. A six second kiss can lead to more intimacy.
17. Repair attempts help couples reconnect.
18. Accepting influence strengthens partnership.
19. There are always two perspectives, two viewpoints, two opinions.
20. Trust is built in everyday interactions.
21. Commitment is a choice made again and again.
22. Appreciation should be expressed, not assumed.
23. Emotional intimacy supports physical intimacy.
24. Talking openly about s*x leads to better s*x.
25. Shared rituals create stability and meaning.
26. There's not one right way to support each other’s dreams.
27. A strong sense of “we” is important for your story.
28. Teamwork and an “us against the problem” mindset matters.
29. Great relationships require intention, not perfection.
30. Lasting love is built through small things often.

06/26/2026

Here’s some truth for you.

06/25/2026

Who are you? What is your identity?

Your dreams and goals
Your thoughts and feelings
Your needs and boundaries
Your likes and dislikes
Your habits and rituals
Your past and healing
Your strengths and passions
Your voice and story

Love is an amazing adventure, but staying true to yourself is also important.

So, ask yourself a few questions today, reflect on them, and sit in your individuality for a little while:
What dreams have you quietly put on hold?
What thoughts have been taking up the most space in your mind lately
What do you truly need more of right now?
What goals feel exciting and meaningful to you in this season of life?
What are you currently trying to heal in yourself or your life?
What parts of yourself are you still learning to accept?
When do you feel most confident and alive?
Who are you becoming?
—Gottman Institute

06/06/2026

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Anxiety Therapy J. Page Rutledge specializing in general anxiety, panic attacks, social anxiety, attachment anxiety, and mid-life change.

03/25/2026

The most effective way to approach conflict with your partner is to prioritize the relationship over your need to be right.

03/10/2026

Screens in the bedroom:
The bedroom is meant to be a place for rest, closeness, and connection. But when phones come to bed, they often bring the outside world with them.

Scrolling side-by-side may seem harmless, yet it quietly replaces eye contact, conversation, and physical touch. Notifications interrupt winding down. One more video turns into twenty more minutes apart. Over time, that habit can chip away at emotional and physical intimacy.

Intimacy thrives on presence. A few screen-free minutes before sleep—talking, laughing, touching, even just lying close—can strengthen connection in ways a device never will.

Sometimes protecting your s*x life and your emotional connection starts with something simple: charging your phone outside the bedroom and turning toward each other instead.
—Gottman Institute

02/17/2026

I know from personal experience that this matters:

Do you frequently rush off without saying a proper goodbye to your partner? Or maybe when one of you returns home from work, you plop down on the couch without really acknowledging the other person.

If this sounds familiar, there’s a missed opportunity in your relationship for deeper connection, and it has to do with your hellos and goodbyes.

When partners consistently greet each other well, they look forward to seeing each other. If you are inconsistent about how you greet each other, you can lose that sense of excitement. And even worse, if you criticize each other at the moment of reunion, you can become fearful of seeing each other.

Partings
Setting a few minutes aside to properly say “goodbye” to each other can make a dramatic difference in your thoughts about the relationship during the time you spend apart. Happy couples make an effort to learn one thing that is happening in their partner’s life before saying goodbye in the morning, when time allows. This could be lunch plans with a best friend, a doctor’s appointment, or a call with their parents. Ask questions and learn about the exciting and not so exciting things about your partner’s day. And give them a smooch on the way out the door!

Reunions
When you see your partner again at the end of the day, share a hug and kiss that lasts at least six seconds. Dr. John Gottman calls this a “kiss with potential.” Then, have a stress-reducing conversation. A stress-reducing conversation is usually what follows the question, “how was your day?” This provides you with a space for empathy and intimacy, as well as encourages you to understand the stresses and problems outside of your relationship that you’re both facing.

Making sure you’re intentional with your hellos and goodbyes in your relationship may seem like a small detail, but it can make a big difference in helping you feel more connected to each other every day.—Gottman Institute

01/02/2026

I’m back from travels in Spain. Office reopens January 13, 2026. Three spots open for counseling. Check out FAQ’s on site www.pagerutledge.com.

12/02/2025

This is filled with great suggestions—not your same old enchilada!

DEPRESSION TIPS:
Shower. Not a bath, a shower. Use water as hot or cold as you like. You don’t even need to wash. Just get in under the water and let it run over you for a while. Sit on the floor if you gotta.
Moisturize everything. Use whatever lotion you like. Unscented? Dollar store lotion? Fancy 48 hour lotion that makes you smell like a field of wildflowers? Use whatever you want, and use it all over your entire dermis.

Put on clean, comfortable clothes.
Put on your favorite underwear. Cute black lacy panties? Those ridiculous boxers you bought last christmas with candy cane hearts on the butt? Put them on.

Drink cold water. Use ice. If you want, add some mint or lemon for an extra boost. I always use lemon.
Clean something. Doesn’t have to be anything big. Organize one drawer of a desk. Wash five dirty dishes. Do a load of laundry. Scrub the bathroom sink.

Blast music. Listen to something upbeat and dancey and loud, something that’s got lots of energy. Sing to it, dance to it, even if you suck at both.

Make food. Don’t just grab a granola bar to munch. Take the time and make food. Even if it’s ramen. Add something special to it, like a soft boiled egg or some veggies. Prepare food, it tastes way better, and you’ll feel like you accomplished something.
Make something. Write a short story or a poem, draw a picture, color a picture, fold origami, crochet or knit, sculpt something out of clay, anything artistic. Even if you don’t think you’re good at it. Create.

Go outside. Take a walk. Sit in the grass. Look at the clouds. Smell flowers. Put your hands in the dirt and feel the soil against your skin.

Call someone. Call a loved one, a friend, a family member, call a chat service if you have no one else to call. Talk to a stranger on the street. Have a conversation and listen to someone’s voice. If you can’t bring yourself to call, text or email or whatever, just have some social interaction with another person. Even if you don’t say much, listen to them. It helps.

Cuddle your pets if you have them/can cuddle them. Take pictures of them. Talk to them. Tell them how you feel, about your favorite movie, a new game coming out, anything.
May seem small or silly to some, but this list keeps people alive.

*** At your absolute best you won’t be good enough for the wrong people. But at your worst, you’ll still be worth it to the right ones. Remember that. Keep holding on.

*** In case nobody has told you today I love you and you are worth your weight and then some in gold, so be kind to yourself and most of all keep pushing on!!!!

Find something to be grateful for!


1-800-273-8255

11/04/2025

Why We Argue
Why do couples fight? Couples don’t just fight about dishes, money, or schedules, they fight because they’re trying to express deeper needs that often go unheard.

Conflict often stems from feelings of not being appreciated, valued, or emotionally understood. Beneath most arguments are longings for love, respect, and safety. When those needs aren’t met, frustration and defensiveness can take over.

Common disagreements often arise around communication, money, values, trust, intimacy, household responsibilities, parenting, lifestyle choices, and future plans. These are all normal issues to face together.

Every couple argues. It doesn’t mean your relationship is broken. Arguments are chances to understand each other more deeply. When you approach conflict with curiosity instead of defensiveness, you create space for empathy, trust, and growth.

Your to-do this week:
Pick one area where tension tends to surface and set aside 15 minutes this week to talk about it calmly. Focus on listening to understand, not to win. Approach with curiosity. Don’t blame or shame. End the conversation by sharing one thing you appreciate about your partner.—Gottman Institute