07/31/2020
There's a strange thing happening now.... As one transitions from Abusee to Abuser back to what's considered "normal behaviors" one seems to find themselves stuck in there emotions regretting and feeling bad wishing they could change what was. I feel this is what leads to the mass of depressions,suicides, illegal drug use alcohol etc. As one transitions without understanding and the ability to "cope" with the feelings and thoughts it becomes quite hard to live a daily life. Somehow we have to get out of what I call "TURTLE Syndrome" were your in a shell stuck afraid to allow your head to pop out or any part of you for fear your gonna get hurt, your protected in that shell but one must also realize how much one is capable of outside the shell, the path to that is one I struggle with daily, as it's medications to sleep, medications for anxiety, etc, the medications and your mind control you preventing you from achieving what and who you truly are and want. The second issue is the "turtle Syndrome" caused to others by abusive behavior. At what point do the come.out of there shell, they waited for you do you wait for them? They have been what you've considered to be normal people whom you love and abuse as a way to prevent and control one from leaving and prevent the ultimate depression of being ALONE, but what is alone? Is not alone where we find out our true selves? Does wanting and needing really make you "co-dependent" or is it merely the want to love and be "normal" that drives the Abusee and abuser to be afraid of what that love is going to look like? So all parties stay in the comfort of there shells that way no one is abused. But is life in the shell not Abusing ones self?
