10/09/2026
One of the greatest misconceptions in family law is that giving children a voice means asking them to make adult decisions. It doesn't.
Children should have a voice, but they should never carry the responsibility of choosing between their parents.
As a Child Participation Specialist, I have seen firsthand the value of creating a safe, neutral space where children can express their feelings, concerns, and experiences. Their voices provide invaluable insight into how family conflict is affecting them and what support they need to adapt to life after separation.
A child's voice is not about deciding where they should live or who they love more. It is about helping parents understand their child's world.
When children are listened to appropriately, they often feel:
• Heard and respected.
• Less anxious about the future.
• More secure during the separation process.
• Reassured that their feelings matter and they are heard
Equally important is what child participation is not. Children should never be used to deliver messages between parents, gather information, or become involved in adult conflict. They deserve the freedom to maintain healthy relationships with both parents without feeling caught in the middle.
In mediation, listening to a child's perspective can assist parents in making better-informed, child-centred decisions. The responsibility for those decisions, however, always remains with the adults.
The best parenting plans are not those that reflect what parents want, they are those that reflect what children need. As professionals and parents, our responsibility is simple: to ensure every child feels heard, protected, and valued throughout the mediation process.
The Children's Act recognises every child's right to be heard in matters affecting them and to receive appropriate information. However, while children have a right to a voice, they should never carry the burden of making adult decisions.
What are your thoughts? How can parents better ensure their children feel heard during separation while protecting them from adult conflict?
